U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-18-2015, 09:52 AM
Status: "The nicest curve on a woman's body is her smile" (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: Florida/Tennessee
2,365 posts, read 4,302,446 times
Reputation: 1255

Advertisements

We have the means to retire but my wife says she wants me to keep working. I'm 6 yrs older than my wife and I'm 62. The last of our four kids just graduated college last week and has gotten the "talk" about "trying" to be financially independent by the end of the year. The financial guy says we're good to go without a ton of details. I do not plan to take SS now but let my wife claim my SS later 'cause I'm the higher income earner. We have two homes and one we rent out (vacation home) and do quite well, but hold a mortgage. The rent and the investment mortgage is a wash. We also have an income property and make a few bucks on that one. We will continue to rent our vacation home when not in use but capable of paying off the mortgage if necessary.... so it's not an issue.

Seems like the plan has come to fruition... but wait my wife says she's not ready for me to retire! Huh? whaa? why? Didn't see that one coming. So I ask why.... and the answers are all over the place so I suspect the "idea" of retiring scares her. She did tell me the idea of taking money out of retirement/savings scares her because, for so many years we've been saving. Well what's the alternative... just to keep working indefinitely? That ain't happening.

For those who have retired with a non retirement aged spouse or one who kept working... how did that work out? Was there any anxiety about one person retiring first?

I take care of things at home... in fact I designed and built our home so I'm on the plus side of competent. I do most of the cooking... just because I'm better at it. I'm and avid fisherman/boater... love the outdoors. Both of us in good health. Her job is in real estate so she has some flexibility and has an informal working partner who cover for each other. We cruise a lot, so she gets her cruise fix.

Where do we go from here? I'm ready, she's not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-18-2015, 10:03 AM
 
6,212 posts, read 4,718,283 times
Reputation: 12710
Maybe a compromise. Split the difference between now and when you wife would plan on retiring.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Sarasota, FL
2,636 posts, read 1,543,257 times
Reputation: 5005
I have a friend with a similar situation. May I suggest that you and your wife spend a lot of time talking thru the reasons for her fears? Is there any reason to think she will be more comfortable with your retirement next year? or the year after? If not, do you plan to work until you drop? This is something for her to think about logically and fairly.

Its a big change, and will take some compromises and adjustments, but pls don't forget that you have earned this, and are no less entitled to be happy in your senior years than she is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649
Can you cut back to part-time on your job, or find a p-t job somewhere else? Or be a freelance consultant in your profession? That would solve it for a few years.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 10:19 AM
 
761 posts, read 637,452 times
Reputation: 2229
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn View Post
We have the means to retire but my wife says she wants me to keep working. I'm 6 yrs older than my wife and I'm 62. The last of our four kids just graduated college last week and has gotten the "talk" about "trying" to be financially independent by the end of the year. The financial guy says we're good to go without a ton of details. I do not plan to take SS now but let my wife claim my SS later 'cause I'm the higher income earner. We have two homes and one we rent out (vacation home) and do quite well, but hold a mortgage. The rent and the investment mortgage is a wash. We also have an income property and make a few bucks on that one. We will continue to rent our vacation home when not in use but capable of paying off the mortgage if necessary.... so it's not an issue.

Seems like the plan has come to fruition... but wait my wife says she's not ready for me to retire! Huh? whaa? why? Didn't see that one coming. So I ask why.... and the answers are all over the place so I suspect the "idea" of retiring scares her. She did tell me the idea of taking money out of retirement/savings scares her because, for so many years we've been saving. Well what's the alternative... just to keep working indefinitely? That ain't happening.

For those who have retired with a non retirement aged spouse or one who kept working... how did that work out? Was there any anxiety about one person retiring first?

I take care of things at home... in fact I designed and built our home so I'm on the plus side of competent. I do most of the cooking... just because I'm better at it. I'm and avid fisherman/boater... love the outdoors. Both of us in good health. Her job is in real estate so she has some flexibility and has an informal working partner who cover for each other. We cruise a lot, so she gets her cruise fix.

Where do we go from here? I'm ready, she's not.
Had many disagreements about this with my soon to be ex-wife.
She said I needed to work until I was 70.

I told Her to work until she drops if she wants, not me.
Most of our debt was incurred by her.

Going my own way after debt reduction and I will live more frugally on my own.

Best of luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,879 posts, read 25,306,858 times
Reputation: 26334
Let her keep on working and you can retire! Nothing wrong with that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 12:58 PM
 
8,820 posts, read 5,121,165 times
Reputation: 10086
Does your wife go with you when you see "the financial guy"? Does she understand your financial position?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 01:00 PM
 
35,109 posts, read 40,202,457 times
Reputation: 62049
It appears you both have worked toward this plan together in regards to who retires when, financials, etc.

I think she is feeling a bit on the envious side because the time has come for you to retire and she still has a few more years.
It happens all the time when talking about the dream then when the dream becomes reality there are reservations.
Just follow your plan and retire when you want, she will adjust to you being home and her working.
She may be cranky for a while but she will adjust.
Also, you can always go back to work if the financial need arises.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 02:08 PM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
7,110 posts, read 8,147,355 times
Reputation: 18743
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_n_Tenn View Post
We have the means to retire but my wife says she wants me to keep working. I'm 6 yrs older than my wife and I'm 62.

Where do we go from here? I'm ready, she's not.
Try to understand it from her perspective. Retirement is a big step...it's one of those 'life passages'. It can be frightening to a 56-year-old, as their minds are not usually wired for leaving a job, at that age. Also, you are making her feel older. First comes menopause, then...a retired husband? Whoa!

If you mention it to her continually, over time, in a non-threatening way ("I'm getting out of that #&!@#!! place as soon as I can !"), she will begin to adjust to the idea. Still may not be happy about it.

Marriages are most vulnerable during the 'life passage' times. You are asking her to adjust to the empty-nest thing (how does she feel about pushing your youngest out, right after college?) PLUS the prospect of having a retired husband. Just 4 years ago, she was a mom with at least one child still at home. Let her adjust. If she is very important to you, take this seriously. That last child is her baby. It's nice to have them all out on their own, but this can be very tough on their mother. It was tough on me, and I was only the father!

I think you need to give her some time to come to terms with all the changes that are taking place in the family. Once she understands how you feel about it, and you try to calm her fears (trust me, she IS feeling fear) she should become more comfortable with the idea. You don't want to lose her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2015, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,726,438 times
Reputation: 32304
Compromise: Several posters have suggested some sort of compromise with the wife. That's not a bad idea per se, as compromise is often a viable and reasonable solution to many impasses. HOWEVER, in other cases the two parties in a dispute are NOT both equally right or equally wrong. Given the facts as the OP has laid them out, I would say he is right and his wife is wrong. The big red flag is her unwillingness to come right out with a clear reason or reasons why she is against the idea of his retiring. Something is wrong with her thinking or her ability to objectively analyze a situation if she cannot come up with reasons for her objections. To me that spells big trouble. OP is faced with two bad choices: knuckle under to his wife's preference and have big time resentment about it, or retire anyway and deal with a wife who has the big time resentment.

Perhaps talking it through multiple times, at length, (as already suggested) will help clarify things. But if it doesn't, perhaps help is needed from a neutral third party (i.e., from a marriage counselor) in the clarification process.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top