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I always miss my wife when she takes a road trips with girls to girl type events and I am same with buddies. But we mostly take adventure type trips together.
my husband and i were married 36 years before his death. we occasionally spent time apart- a few days with a girlfriend in williamsburg, a week with friends in charleston, several days with a friend in savannah,visits of a few days to my uncle's condo in florida, etc. as far as i can remember i don't think he ever went for more than an infrequent overnight to a reunion out of town or a retirement dinner for a friend after my husband retired. the truth is both of us would rather spend extended time with each other than with anyone else. i never felt the need to "get away" on a solo trip, and my husband, who didn't especially like travel anyway, never sought opportunities to do so.
obviously there are couples who like to take separate trips, as well as trips with each other, but i've never been one of them. we missed each other when apart, and although we were occasionally in that situation, we never looked for chances to make that happen.
This really stuck home with me. I traveled on business for 10 years every week and it was nice to come home. Then when I stayed at home he was still working. Then we moved to SC, but I moved first and he stayed in PA to sell first our house and then his mother's house. For 2.5 years we only saw each other about 6 weeks a year. Then he moved down, but he was going back to PA 2 weeks a month to work, so we had that break. Then last November I had a hip replacement that went bad and I am still recovering from it. Because I couldn't do anything for myself he stayed home all the time. During this time we were also getting ready to move so he had to do everything as well for that. Made the move and frankly the together time was getting on my nerves. I couldn't, and still can't, drive so I had to depend on him for all that. Last month he FINALLY went back to work in PA for a week and it was so nice to be able to do what I wanted, except drive, eat what I wanted, watch what I wanted to on TV and a bunch more. We just needed that alone time again. I can't wait until I can drive again so that I can get out. Luckily my neighbors are all wonderful and watched over me and came and picked me up to go do "girl" things.
I think I'm going to look forward to those weeks and hopefully will be able to drive soon so I can go on my own. In other words, yes you definitely need alone time. We have been married almost 41 years and don't plan on separating and like being together, but constant togetherness can be very hard on the nerves.
OP, I know exactly what you're talking about. Marriage can feel like a life sentence. You're lucky that you're getting an RV and will be able to take solo trips. I say go for it!
I'm retired and married to a clinging vine who has some major separation issues. He has no close friends and no family, just me. I'm all he's got, and he's insecure about losing me. When I go out, he follows me to the garage and makes me go through a checklist ("Do you have your keys? Do you have your driver's license? Do you have your shopping list?" etc. etc.). Then he watches me as I drive away.
Since he retired nine years ago my husband rarely goes out and is at home almost all the time. The only times he goes out on his own are if he has a haircut or medical appointment. Even then he expects me to stand at the window and wave goodbye as he drives off. I need space and alone time, but I'm not getting any. I wish he would give me the chance to miss him!
I keep telling myself that he's eight years older than me and I'm likely to outlive him. Then I'll have all the alone time I want, but do you know what? I'll bet that when the day comes, I'd give anything to have one more day with my clinging vine. So I suck it up and do the best I can.
We spend 20-30% of the time apart. I run my post-retirement consulting business, which involves 10 or 12 trips a year, plus she visits her friends and relatives and I visit my friends. It works wonderfully and our marriage has never been better.
I have always had business trips since the first year we were married. Hubby started business travel much later. Then I found quilting was fun and that I could travel to shows and retreats. Now I got to about 5 week long quilting activities a year either with another friend or by myself. I have flown and driven over 7 hours from home.
It makes for a much better marriage. We have things to talk about. I would love to do a foreign trip alone but hubby feels he would miss something and always wants to go. Darn.
Told husband that I refused to have a 24/7 life like his parents had together for 60 years. Dad was a total homebody and Mom wanted to do more but left all up to him. I think they actually left out their only son due to their own relationship.
When I was in my late 30's I got really burnt out working in the nursing profession and with the blessing of my late husband pursued my dream of working in the travel industry. I was very fortunate to land a tour guide job with a large tour operator. During the two years I worked that job I was away more than home, but loved every minute of this work which had no impact on my marriage as we were both pretty independent with outside interests. The only reason I left this job was it paid significantly less $$ than nursing employment which staying in travel would have financially impacted my retirement plans. I have been in a CL marriage for the last 13 years, and my current hubby who is also a very independent soul would also give me his blessing if I wanted to back to travel industry work which I may very well do when I retire from nursing in a few years.
I think there is more going on than just needing space or time away.
My wife is a flight attendant... so you can imagine how much time we have spent away from each other. I would venture to say roughly 40% of our marriage life (20 years) has been spent apart from each and i can tell you from my perspective that time spent apart does NOT enhance time spent together.. perhaps during the first few years but after a while, it has the opposite effect.
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