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Yes, I'm nearly bedridden, not completely yet. I do enjoy the internet and I love the truth, and YouTube lectures and debates. Not sure if that is enough to live for though. Just not sure. Actually, you've made a very good post and I greatly appreciate it. I never thought of it that way, but the world of the mind can be beautiful and inspiring. Thank you very much. However, I'm not much for "sacredness" of life. There is life and pondscum everywhere on this earth and it's way overcrowded.
Start writing, poems, stories, anything. When the famous and great Southern writer Flannery O'Connor got lupus and had to be hospitalized a lot with severely limited options, she brought her writing with her to these stays and insisted on being an artist above everything. Art can sometimes transcend the physical condition. At least that is what I believe and it works well for me and many writers/artists.
I am sorry for you -- even if you don't want sympathy -- because I have felt as you do and maybe with less cause (at least, I have good health, both physically and financially, knock wood.)
I too am an agnostic, but I have two suggestions for you. First, go to the Mental Health forum here on C-D if you have not posted there already because it seems to me (just my opinion, of course) that people who post there are kinder and more sympathetic than on other forums.
Secondly, if you are a reader, please read What Dreams May Come by Richard Matheson. It was the most uplifting book I have ever read -- nothing like the movie, btw, which imo, was a huge disappointment -- and ever since reading it, I have never considered suicide again.
In think you need to contact social services. Despair is quite different from suicidal and your are after all asking for help searching for a reason. Sounds like its your living conditions and no human interaction. You do not have to have money to qualify for many senior living places.
There are some atheist "churches" which are really just community groups of people who want to gather together but have atheism in common rather than religion. Google something locally and see if there's something near you - they have have outreach and social events and charitable causes that could benefit you.
I live alone, 61 and have many chronic illnesses. I have no family anymore and only one friend, who is hundreds of miles away. I need someone to give me a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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I feel guilty for all my doctor visits, because the government is paying to keep a person alive who has no loved ones and no one who cares about them.
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I stay home all the time due to not feeling good.
heartfocus,
I am very sympathetic but honestly don't know what the right thing to say that you will find to be helpful instead of hurtful.
It seems to me that you are very depressed. I have relatives and friends who were or have been suffered with depressions or bipolar disorders. When you are in a poor state of mind and especially in combination with a poor state of physical health, it's hard to find even a single reason to keep on living. None of the suggestions from anybody even your loved one or trusted friends will make any sense to you. Your mind will reject all ideas.
I can only offer you one suggestion is that to discuss your depression with your doctor(s). You stated that the government is paying for your doctors' visits. If you are not seeing a mental health counselor or a doctor who specializes in treating depression, please do so as soon as possible.
I have seen lives turned around with the proper diagnostic and right prescription. Once you feel better, you will find yourself all kinds of reasons to live, to feel alive, to enjoy life again. Many wonderful things in life are free: beautiful sunset, sunrise, birds, little creatures, bird songs, wild flowers, gentle breeze, wispy clouds, warm sun, the moon, the stars, good books from library, free concerts in may places etc.
Only when you are not depressed then you can remember good memories, see good things in life, see goodness instead of badness in people.
Only when you are free from the clutch of depression then you can start enjoying life. Only when you are happier, less stressful, more relaxed then your body can heal, you will have less physical problems and become more responsive to treatment.
A car accident 3 1/2 years ago eventually ruined my back. After a fusion operation where they also released the sciatic nerve, which had been pinched for 2 years, I can no longer bend. It took a long time learning how to live without bending. Then came problems with my bowels. For a straight month I couldn't keep food innside & lost 25 lbs. Then I started reading about smoothies. My stomach is now acting normally. Find what can help you cope. You've gotten some great ideas here. I don't know if you've talked to your doctor about depression medication but they have really helped me. Good luck to you.
TFW, I think the OP Is working on changing their outlook, just not to yours.
Heartfocus, I am glad you posted. ( So many kind responses vs neg ones!)
I am alone too and it is painful. Keep going, keep searching. It is hard finding meaning in just ourselves. But every person must do this for themselves too.. We just have a jump start on the process
Can you get on a waiting list for a subsidized apartment? Not section 8 but just senior housing. There are waiting lists but when you do get in I bet you will find other people who are in the same boat. There will be all kinds of people to talk to.
And for food, try to eat right. It can be done on the cheap. One of those rotisserie chickens can go a long way and you can freeze parts of it. Potatoes are easy and nutritious. Cheese might help what's ailing you and keeping you in bed.
You can do a search for senior housing in your area and get on all the waiting lists. That way you'll have something to look forward to. There are a lot of people in the same boat. You are not alone.
Since you have veterinary bills I know that you have a friend, the best possible friend anyone can have. You have someone (more if you have more pets) who devotes his or her life to you. Be thankful for your friend and take care of each other.
Go to a big church, big enough to have a senors group, or a singles group, volinteer at the church, make friends, you;ll be much happier.
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