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Similar challenge here...staying because of the kids and grandkids. For me, a better place climate-wise and all the fun activities in the world do not compensate. I kind of envy those who can be more detached. Plus driving or flying hundreds of miles back to see family have little to no appeal for me. Others seem to handle the trips just fine. That alone is something to take into serious consideration in thoughts of relocating far from family, if family is that important.
Newenglandgirl, for you staying by the grandkids is a good choice. I remember my grandmother's love & her encouragement. She always told me I would achieve whatever it was I wanted to do. Because of her I wrote & published poetry. Your grandkids will always remember your love & support.
You can always Skype or Facetime. Plus there's email, Facebook, blogs. There are ways to still talk every day even if you aren't a quick drive away.
I empathize with many of the views although I also find some quite confusing. I suppose that you make the best of your circumstances.
For example we live in the Philippines and have grandchildren in London, Dubai and the US. We keep regular contact with Skype, varying from a few times a week (daughter with the latest grandchild) to weekly with the others.
Added to that contact we try to meet at least once a year. The focus here is making it a really high quality, event filled time.
IMO you can't live your lives dependent upon where your children are, especially in today's job market. If you move to be close to them, they might have to move in a few years in order to be employed. Years ago there were companies where you worked your entire career, unfortunately they are now few.
Our children have their own lives and we spent a lot of time teaching them to be independent, so we have to let them go and not be underfoot like a pebble.
Make new friends, new hobbies, volunteer (get a puppy and train it for therapy), travel, etc. Enjoy YOUR life.
I can understand both sides completely. There are those that absolutely will not move away from their grown, adult children. Add grandchildren to this mix and they wouldn't move if their life depended on it. What I don't like are those who feel that the ones who move away love their children & grands less than those who stay.
We moved 1000 miles away from our families over 25 years ago. It was a job transfer and truthfully was a terrific move for us. One set of parents visited quite often (4 times a year) and we made the trip back once a year. The other set, being a little older, only visited 1 time. Traveling was not their thing. We therefore, only saw them once a year. (my husband would occasionally fly up to see them himself for an overnight as they started aging). My children adored both sets of grandparents. They were naturally closer to my parents, since they saw them so often (they would stay 1-2 weeks each time they visited and never missed any occasions like birthdays, school achievements, holidays, etc) There was no such thing as skype and facetime back then. My MIL would write lovely letters to the children. During one visit back my MIL made a big birthday party for my son when he turned 10 with all the relatives because he mentioned to her that he wished she could celebrate one birthday with him. My point is that the everyday life we share with our grands is important, but you can have that without physically being there all the time.
Getting back to the OP, you are torn. You are a mother and it's the way we are emotionally built! I agree with the posters that shared how they have moved away and still kept their relationships strong. I am one of them. I miss my grands for sure. But I "see" them very often on facetime. And when I do get to see them (every 6 weeks or so) it's like I was just there. I know I would love to see them more, but life is full of adjustments. We moved away because of the expense of the NE, plus our house was older and needed work. The yard was overwhelming to care for. And we both absolutely couldn't take the cold, snow and ice anymore.
I could see us moving away (maybe up to a 5-hour drive, which encompasses Delaware and Maine) when the grandkids are maybe 8 or 9. At that age they can come visit us on vacations, till at the teen years we're just too old for them to hang out with. I definitely would not stay in the mode of "helping." Anyone who decides to have kids should cope on their own without depending on free help from grandparents. I raised my kids without help and made the sacrifices that went along with it. I know of a number of grandparents who are taking care of the kids half-time, even full-time, even when the working parents go away on vacations for themselves. I guess they must love it. Sometimes it's the grandparents alone raising the young kids.
I can totally sympathize with your choice. We made that decision and then things changed and it didn't work anymore. Only YOU (and DH of course) can make the right decision for you.
Our situation was this......We lived in rural western PA and decided that we just didn't want to retire there. DD (only child) went to college 4.5 hours away and never moved back to the area, but did come back several times a year and longer at Christmas. We were able to drive 1/2 way and meet for things like birthdays and Mother's Day. But being in the cold and snow with all the yard to take care of wasn't something we wanted to do in retirement. So on a trip to NC/SC we started looking around at 55+ communities and chose one in SC just south of Charlotte. DD still called and visited a couple times a year but it got harder since she had to plan for a longer visit so couldn't do it as often, but it was working out. Then that all changed. A couple years ago she met her future husband who lived in her area and of course some of her priorities changed. Still called and visited twice a year but now she had another "family" to visit, etc. Being a 12+ hour drive away just didn't work out for us to visit much and I am to the point in my life that I hate to fly, even though I did it several times. (Last time I did it it took 14 hours to get from Charlotte to Utica, NY....long story not for now.)
Fast foward to 2014......She is talking about marriage and family, PLUS she quit her other job and took one near Bridgeport CT, so added several more hours on to the drive trip. I knew in my soul that we would see her, and any grandkids, even less and being so far away just wasn't working for me anymore. I was finding that SC just wasn't all it was "cracked up" to be and I was becoming unhappier as time went on. So I started looking. I discovered that in the NE Delaware is about the only state an average-income retiree can afford to live, so started my search there. Yes the weather is worse than SC, but not near as bad as western PA and the summers average cooler than the south. May of 2014 we came up and looked at several 55+ communities and finally chose one in Dover. Closed and moved in April of this year. We are now currently back within the 4 - 4.5 hour window for driving, plus if we want we can take the bus up to Wilmington and get the train up to CT (she has moved again but still near station). Long weekends are doable without a problem on both ends. She is coming down so we can go wedding dress shopping and I will be able to go to any bridal showers in her honor. We aren't "joined at the hip" by any stretch but it is much more comforting to know she is at least a decent drive away. That feeling in my gut has gone away and I feel much more comfortable and accepted here in Delaware than I did in SC. It has worked out for everybody.
I just wanted to tell you my story so that should you decide to move and it doesn't work out, you can try again!
What if they don't grab the brass ring and go for their dream by staying in Missouri (a state I too am seeking to leave behind) and her daughter and husband end up moving away anyway.
They are lucky to be a couple moving. I'm going to be moving just me and nobody else and it is daunting.
Hubby and I have 2 grown kids, one in Chicago (where were are from originally), one in Minneapolis. We've lived in Florida for the past 20 years are ready for some kind of change after I retire next year. He will still have several years to work left. We are looking to move closer to our kids and siblings who are in Missouri. We were thinking about a move to Missouri, but realize we wouldn't be driving around in the snow to visit anyway and my brother's marriage is a little too dramatic for me and don't want to get caught up in all that. Still want to stay away from the cold and snow so are thinking about a summer house someplace in between the 3 areas. I want to be near Amtrak so I can take the train to visit and go into downtown Chicago, my all time favorite place! Suggestions for areas would be appreciated. Hubby loves to boat so proximity to a lake/river would be great.
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