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Old 10-06-2015, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,680 posts, read 3,250,875 times
Reputation: 11982

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There is quite a variety of retired people with all kinds of financial/living situations represented here in the retirement thread. It is interesting reading for the most part. Sadly, I do fall into the category of envying those who have more and I am trying to overcome that flaw.

For me, my retirement money is pretty much going to be the same till I die. No big prospects in sight, no rich husbands, no lotteries won. Sure, I know, things happen, life can change. But I am trying to be realistic and stay in "today." And for me there is no good reason for trying to justify or explain why I fall into this group. What is done, is done. Can't go backwards.

But I want a happy life. Staying with the "if-only mindset" will not give me that. I would just brood more and more and constantly compare what the have-nots don't have vs. what the "haves" have.

The reality for me is I won't be moving. It costs money I don't have and I don't wish to add to my debt. I won't take grand trips.

I have to remember what I can do. And when I think about that, I am actually able to do some nice things. I'm visiting my nephew in VT this weekend. I'm so excited about that. I enjoy him and his wife (their kids are out of state right now), they live in a beautiful area and easily can visit Burlington (25 miles south of where they live). He has apparently made good recovery from his recent surgery.

I just started volunteering at our local SPCA. I think my heart will be broken for a while, maybe forever, but if I can bring any love to any of those animals, if only for a brief time while I'm there, then I will feel I did something worthwhile. But as most people know, there is a lot more to working at the SPCA than playing with the animals. There are dishes to be done. Laundry to be done. Litter boxes to be emptied, washed, dried, re-filled, grooming, nail clipping, etc. I'm primarily interested in working with the cat population, so do not anticipate working with the dogs, but there are a lot of people who are only interested in working with them.

So I think I am trying to say it's all about attitude. When life hands you lemons.... make lemonade. Many years ago during a class for problem solving when I worked at Carrier, I happened to say that. Some 20 years later, I ran into a guy who was in that class with me and he thanked me for having said that. It really stuck with him. What a great feeling to know something I said actually helped him.

Last edited by NYgal1542; 10-06-2015 at 10:02 AM.. Reason: Title correction: Accepting our life as is (not as it).
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Old 10-06-2015, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
3,007 posts, read 2,174,073 times
Reputation: 6696
I also am in your boat except we are moving and since hubby was forced into retirement before we were ready we are trying hard to get 40 years of stuff packed and get moved by the end of Nov.

Fortunately I had the presence of mind to purchase an inexpensive though large house in a Low income area in WV.

My husband made a VERY good salary and like you I won't go into what happened to retirement funds etc.

But no more going out and buying something just because I want it etc. Life will be very different.

However living where we will it won't be a problem of keeping up with the Jones, since they don't have much either.

Like you no big trips anymore, Lots of medical problems to deal with both me and hubby. No windfalls down the line etc.

But I have know since the time I bought the house in 2010, that things would be this way, though worse things have happened since that time.

So I have been working on my mindset all this time, leaving my family home forever, not having real nice things if I don't already have them etc.

You are right you need to find a way to be content with what you have.
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Old 10-06-2015, 11:53 AM
 
3,945 posts, read 3,265,568 times
Reputation: 11331
Retirement: The end of work, and that's all it really should mean in general terms, we sometimes think that our non working days must be a Disney like life complete with daily administrations of new experiences and a bounty of epicurean delights. If we eat wisely, live harmoniously with others, spend time doing good things for society, then we have a pretty good life, money isn't the be all and end all that many would have us believe.

I have enough money to live on without working now, that alone is a tremendous reward, and I accept the limitations of my own finances, as we all should. Yeah, there are people who have what seems like an unlimited stash of cash, but that money is no insurance of happiness, if you've got enough money to buy the necessities then the rest of your expenditures can be considered as "wants".. Less wants equals less stress, it's the wanting that causes so many to grieve the lacking of money.
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Old 10-06-2015, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
I am reminded of my time in Italy in some of the small Tuscan towns, where the locals include many retirees ("pensionatos") who don't seem to be jet-setters. We observed how the old/er women, and also men, would get together at coffee bars and sit around and argue and gossip, a sense of camaraderie. I saw old women walking cobblestone streets with little dogs, and whether or not they were lonely I don't know but they were out and about, shopping at open markets and enjoying the parks. The hardest thing I have to accept and deal with (as I posted in the "boredom" thread) is leisure time and being ok with that. Maybe what I'm in denial about is my age, but then again I see some folks into their 80s who are more active than I am. I'm guessing it's the extensive social connections that keep elders "happy in place" and moving away at this stage would mean starting all over again.
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Old 10-06-2015, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by jertheber View Post
Retirement: The end of work, and that's all it really should mean in general terms, we sometimes think that our non working days must be a Disney like life complete with daily administrations of new experiences and a bounty of epicurean delights. If we eat wisely, live harmoniously with others, spend time doing good things for society, then we have a pretty good life, money isn't the be all and end all that many would have us believe.

I have enough money to live on without working now, that alone is a tremendous reward, and I accept the limitations of my own finances, as we all should. Yeah, there are people who have what seems like an unlimited stash of cash, but that money is no insurance of happiness, if you've got enough money to buy the necessities then the rest of your expenditures can be considered as "wants".. Less wants equals less stress, it's the wanting that causes so many to grieve the lacking of money.
Well said and I'm going to keep this post for future reference.
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Old 10-06-2015, 12:58 PM
 
1,536 posts, read 1,442,365 times
Reputation: 11204
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal2NC View Post
There is quite a variety of retired people with all kinds of financial/living situations represented here in the retirement thread. It is interesting reading for the most part. Sadly, I do fall into the category of envying those who have more and I am trying to overcome that flaw.

For me, my retirement money is pretty much going to be the same till I die. No big prospects in sight, no rich husbands, no lotteries won. Sure, I know, things happen, life can change. But I am trying to be realistic and stay in "today." And for me there is no good reason for trying to justify or explain why I fall into this group. What is done, is done. Can't go backwards.

But I want a happy life. Staying with the "if-only mindset" will not give me that. I would just brood more and more and constantly compare what the have-nots don't have vs. what the "haves" have.

The reality for me is I won't be moving. It costs money I don't have and I don't wish to add to my debt. I won't take grand trips.

I have to remember what I can do. And when I think about that, I am actually able to do some nice things. I'm visiting my nephew in VT this weekend. I'm so excited about that. I enjoy him and his wife (their kids are out of state right now), they live in a beautiful area and easily can visit Burlington (25 miles south of where they live). He has apparently made good recovery from his recent surgery.

I just started volunteering at our local SPCA. I think my heart will be broken for a while, maybe forever, but if I can bring any love to any of those animals, if only for a brief time while I'm there, then I will feel I did something worthwhile. But as most people know, there is a lot more to working at the SPCA than playing with the animals. There are dishes to be done. Laundry to be done. Litter boxes to be emptied, washed, dried, re-filled, grooming, nail clipping, etc. I'm primarily interested in working with the cat population, so do not anticipate working with the dogs, but there are a lot of people who are only interested in working with them.

So I think I am trying to say it's all about attitude. When life hands you lemons.... make lemonade. Many years ago during a class for problem solving when I worked at Carrier, I happened to say that. Some 20 years later, I ran into a guy who was in that class with me and he thanked me for having said that. It really stuck with him. What a great feeling to know something I said actually helped him.
Bless you for caring for animals in need.

Maybe you can also find an organization that is working toward creating no-kill shelters in your area and help them, too. The SPCA animals surely need your care and love, and helping to get them into a no-kill environment would likely lift your spirits as well.
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:14 PM
 
13,323 posts, read 25,574,131 times
Reputation: 20515
I read a Facebook posting the other day, supposedly a quote from the Buddha:

Love well
Live gently
Let go gracefully of that which is not meant for you


We could all do a lot worse!
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,680 posts, read 3,250,875 times
Reputation: 11982
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I read a Facebook posting the other day, supposedly a quote from the Buddha:

Love well
Live gently
Let go gracefully of that which is not meant for you


We could all do a lot worse!
I am just getting into the wisdom of Buddha. There is a place here where I live (do they refer to it as a temple?--- I really am not sure). And I don't know how to go about getting a bit more involved in it. I probably should call their number.

Those three lines you wrote..... I love them, they represent a peaceful life to me. Letting go of what is not meant for me is a wonderful idea. So much I need to learn.
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,680 posts, read 3,250,875 times
Reputation: 11982
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaofan View Post
Bless you for caring for animals in need.

Maybe you can also find an organization that is working toward creating no-kill shelters in your area and help them, too. The SPCA animals surely need your care and love, and helping to get them into a no-kill environment would likely lift your spirits as well.



During my orientation to become a volunteer we were told the SPCA is no longer a kill shelter. There are some animals who arrive very, very ill, very damaged from abuse, very vicious and not able to be rehabilitated, those are the ones that have to be euthanized and I do not have a problem with that. But euthanasia as a method of population control has not been used by them in a very long time.

But I see all the sweet cats, seniors to babies and all stages in between, in cages with such forlorn looks. I want so much to cheer them up but not always successful. They have the necessities for life, just not the freedom they want. Whenever I am there I try to get to every cage and talk to them individually. OK, so I'm the crazy cat lady. But it makes me happy I can do something good for them.

There are several groups that are no-kill shelters. And too many people pointing fingers at the SPCA. Well, what I want to say to those pointy fingers..... if you are so concerned about the animals in there, instead of going to another shelter or buying from a pet store, go pick your new friend from the vast assortment you will find at SPCA.

I used to be my late sister's advocate and I enjoyed it. Now I am advocating for cats and other animals and for the SPCA who rescue animals of all kinds quite often.
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:51 PM
 
13,323 posts, read 25,574,131 times
Reputation: 20515
^^^
And bless you for it.
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