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When my parents lived two hours away we saw them once a month. When they moved 13 hours away we saw them once a year. They complained and felt neglected but it was their choice to move. Our jobs and our budget did not allow frequent visits.
... We're experiencing the same issue: Jobs & Budget must be consulted and approved before any travel plan is made - we're both still working full-time.
DW's Family all live out here on th' Left Coast; my Family is in TEXAS, and up & down the East Coast; Grandkids in Cali and TEXAS ... It makes for an "interesting" conversation when we talk about traveling, where-to-visit, and (even) who to visit.
At 70 (me) and 63 (DW), we find 3-plus hour flights actually cause us both to physically ache, and with Restless-Leg-Syndrome, DW has to take a double dose of her prescription to stave-off her symptoms, especially on airplanes. When we drive somewhere, it helps her if we stop frequently to get out of the vehicle and walk-around.
We regularly talk about moving when we retire full-time; somewhere closer to a middle-point between the 2 sets of immediate Family will likely be where we end-up. The problem is, there are no short driving distances between each end-point! But, flying in either direction would make for shorter flights.
As for living near either Family, I (personally) don't think it's fair to be close to one side of the Family [less than 3 hours], and an expensive, lengthy trip away from the other side ... We're still working on this, though. Right now, it's our choice to live where we do, because of the jobs we have. I'm guessing there'll be some painful decisions ahead for us ...
...
If the kids moved clear across the country that is their choice... you don't have to follow.
One of my friends sold her home and moved from the Bay Area to Texas to be close to her kids... she misses everything she had come to know living here for 70 years and the sad part is her daughter and son in law will probably divorce... which is something she can do nothing about...
We are a little over five hours drive away from our kids. We see them five or six times a year, seems to work out OK. If grand kids are in the future, we'll see them more often, the drive doesn't bother me at all.
dblackga,
wow! I've never heard of anyone flying every 6 weeks to visit a parent. That's an eye-opener.
The only time I've heard of anything even close to that is when a parent is dying or very ill.
I used to fly to visit my mother once every two years, but it was not a rigid schedule and it became once a year as she got older. But some families are just extremely close like that of poster dblackga, and I cannot say I am surprised.
My 11 y/o grandson is heavily into sports. We drive the two hours to watch a game then take him and his brother (also into sports) to lunch or dinner. I imagine even this is short lived as pretty soon he'll be running off with teammates or friends after the game and soon there will be girlfriends. He has his own cell phone and email so in between visits we text or email. We're starting to talk about uprooting ourselves one day and moving to Florida and returning to visit here and there. I don't know if there's an ideal distance. Settle where you're happy. I don't want to become my mother who whined 'poor me' when her grandkids grew up and hardly came around. I want to be crazy grandma, the one out there living her life and amassing interesting stories to tell.
Growing up, I lived on the same street as one set of grandparents and the other set was in the same town. We saw them each weekly, if not more.
Now, I live 45 minutes from my parents. They still work so we only see them about once per month. We live 350 miles from my husband's parents. They have no desire to move up this way, and we do all the traveling. A part of me resents having to use a large chunk of my vacation time to visit them...sometimes I just want a nice vacation with my husband and kids without the guilt trip. We see them every 2-3 months.
My children and I, regrettably, are not particularly close but for one. Their mother did a good job of alienating them when we divorced over 20 years ago and I worked long hours and traveled a lot. My three daughters and five grandchildren, with one on the way, all live close to one another in northern California. So do my wife's two daughters, three grandchildren and great grandson. My wife is there now but returning home in three weeks. I have a granddaughter in Colorado who just turned 18 and a married granddaughter in North Carolina. My oldest son, his wife and two grandchildren live in Ohio and my youngest son, his wife and their two children live in New Jersey.
My wife and I live semi-rurally in SW Missouri which is kind of between them all. While we miss being close enough to watch the grands grow up, we don't miss all the drama of either set of daughters. All-in-all it's not a perfect situation family-wise but we *selfishly* moved to where we wanted to retire and are content. Phones, cars and planes work both ways!
I live about 265miles one way from my only daughter. We are both single. Shes a hard driving career woman with a good job. I am getting ready to retire. We were very close until she left home. For about 15yrs she lived all over the country and finally settled in Ann Arbor MI. I am thinking of moving closer because I watched as my cousins dealt with the terminal illness of my uncles last 6mos of life and I know it would be extremely difficult for her to deal with me, god forbid should anything like that happen. The only problem is theres no way jose I can afford to live where she does, the home prices are outrageous and the property taxes even worse.
I am hoping to get within 30 minutes of AA, but even that may be impossible with my budget. Do you think an hour would be too far ...say if you had to help care for a parent that was that far away?
She doesnt have children, so sadly no grandkids to see or spoil. Just a granddog and grandkitties
Jody
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Right now, it's our choice to live where we do, because of the jobs we have. I'm guessing there'll be some painful decisions ahead for us ... 
How far is too far?
