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Old 10-19-2015, 03:49 PM
 
720 posts, read 764,255 times
Reputation: 1057

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
At some point, mother can't impede your life anymore.
I'd really like to think you didn't mean that to sound as callous as it sounded.
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:00 PM
 
41,111 posts, read 25,671,868 times
Reputation: 13868
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kay Effzee View Post
I'd really like to think you didn't mean that to sound as callous as it sounded.
I don't think her comment was callous. A line has to be drawn. You don't think it's callous for parents not to plan and to expect your kids to stop their lives, pay for everything even though the kids have families of their own? I understand helping but some parents expectations are way out there.
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Bordentown
1,705 posts, read 1,594,208 times
Reputation: 2533
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
I was afraid that I would not get to do things I wanted (travel) before I was too old so I did everything I could, we did without, lived below our means, saved, invested etc so we could retire early and travel before it was too late. January 2014 my husband retired, I semi-retired and we started to live our dream, we took off for a month, then planned on going again mid April. Then my mother took a stroke in April 2, 2014. She made no plans for her elder years, no savings, doesn't qualify for help. She needs 24/7 supervision, needs financial assistance and now both me and my husband are stuck here.

Our dream is over and yes life is passing us by.
I'm sorry that happened to you. My mother is going down that same path - both financially and health wise. At 70, only now did she start trying to plan. I am afraid of what the future holds. Now I understand why she always discouraged me from having children... that was pretty selfish I think.
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:15 PM
 
Location: West of Asheville
679 posts, read 809,768 times
Reputation: 1515
Don't look back! The past cant be changed but your future can. Focus on making the most of today.
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Bordentown
1,705 posts, read 1,594,208 times
Reputation: 2533
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
I don't think her comment was callous. A line has to be drawn. You don't think it's callous for parents not to plan and to expect your kids to stop their lives, pay for everything even though the kids have families of their own? I understand helping but some parents expectations are way out there.
I completely agree with you. As someone who is preparing for this, it is a point of contention among my siblings. My parents always had unreasonable expectations.
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Idaho
6,346 posts, read 7,722,908 times
Reputation: 14141
Specifically addressing the thread title, I don't really that 'life has passed me by', but for a long, long time I felt that I was four years behind my peers. That came about because of my military service during the Vietnam conflict. (Not looking for 'thanks', or attaboys. It's just the reason I feel the way I do.) Here I was, off fighting while my peers were going to college. After my four years were up, I was just starting college while my peers were graduating and starting their careers. I think it took 20-25 years before I felt that I had finally 'caught up'.

Even with that, I still heartily recommend military service to all of our young men and women. At my bootcamp graduation, my mom remarked, "Wow! The Navy did in 10 weeks what I've been trying to do for 18 years." I did a lot of maturing during those years, as well as travel and experiencing different cultures. It gave me a lifelong appreciation of the world we live in and of cultures different than our own. There is no 'right way', only 'different ways'.
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:32 PM
 
168 posts, read 174,162 times
Reputation: 844
Nope. It is not over yet!
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:36 PM
 
5,097 posts, read 6,334,411 times
Reputation: 11750
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kay Effzee View Post
I'd really like to think you didn't mean that to sound as callous as it sounded.

It maybe the choice of word. But not everything needs a knee jerk reaction because it's not laced in love and hugs and hand holding.
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:41 PM
 
Location: NC
9,355 posts, read 14,014,289 times
Reputation: 20878
Does it matter? It is impossible to not have some effect on other people's lives through our past actions. No man is an island, etc., etc. We are alive, thus "life" can never pass us by, it always drags us along with it. We can never get ahead of it either, no matter what, we are always part of the fabric of life and it is part of the fabric of our lives.

Now, if you are just worried that you are wasting time in preparation for some unknown situation in the future, then maybe you are. But the future is not knowable in advance, is it?

From the music group Kansas, "I close my eyes. Only for a moment and the moment's gone. All my dreams. Pass before my eyes with curiosity. Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind." Doesn't bother me one bit.

Last edited by luv4horses; 10-19-2015 at 04:57 PM..
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Old 10-19-2015, 05:07 PM
 
808 posts, read 1,176,154 times
Reputation: 1595
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
I was afraid that I would not get to do things I wanted (travel) before I was too old so I did everything I could, we did without, lived below our means, saved, invested etc so we could retire early and travel before it was too late. January 2014 my husband retired, I semi-retired and we started to live our dream, we took off for a month, then planned on going again mid April. Then my mother took a stroke in April 2, 2014. She made no plans for her elder years, no savings, doesn't qualify for help. She needs 24/7 supervision, needs financial assistance and now both me and my husband are stuck here.

Our dream is over and yes life is passing us by.
This is so sad. Your dream is not over. It might be on hold for a little while.

I know many assisted living facilities that will take people in for short stays so family can travel and have time off. Have you looked into this? Yes, it cost some money, but maybe you can include it in the cost of your vacations? Instead of taking a month, maybe 2 weeks. I know it can be done because we did it with my MIL several times. Maybe consider those private companies that will come for short durations. My girlfriend did this for a job for many years. She's a registered nurse, not an aide, so she was quite capable to take care of patient's medical needs. Perhaps there is a solution for you.
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