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you said this well. be very careful with this family. anyone who would cook that up does not have your best interests in mind.
I think you are not understanding the OP's situation. She is a widow receiving her late husbands pension. If she legally remarries, she loses the pension. Her boyfriend wants to have a ceremony that looks like a wedding but with no marriage license. It seems that is mostly from family pressure to get married and not "live in sin". he wants to fool his family into thinking they are married. I think he needs to stand up to his family and tell them they are going to live together unmarried; get over it. But that's just my opinion.
I have 3 thoughts about this. First, a good friend of mine recently found out that her "husband" (whom she never married despite their 10 years together, and representing themselves as married) was still married to his first wife, and still seeing the wife on a regular basis, as well as a 3rd woman he had been seeing long distance for 13 years. So I'd be a little suspicious.
Second, if they never marry they will never be eligible for spousal SS benefits, or to be dependents on each other's medical/dental insurance. If there are children from a prior relationship, how will inheritance work if they are never legally married? She would be in the same position that a lot of same-sex partners were in until recently, having to fight when the children contest the will.
Third, what 40+ year old man would go through this charade to appease his mother?? Seriously, he's a grown man, if he can't be truthful with his mom and stand up for whatever principle he is defending, well I wouldn't marry or shack up with that guy.
Marriage has legal pros and cons.
I think a prenup and other legal documents can take care of providing most of the benefits and/or protections that are conveyed automatically with marriage. But perhaps not all..
Personally, I've always been afraid of the legal entanglements and responsibilities of marriage. So I'd rather draw up the documents that give each of us the protections we want. or feel we need to be comfortable. Being raised VERY religiously, somehow I would have to emotionally deal with "living in sin" -- but at age 55 the legal commitment if marriage is just to scary for me.
I think you are not understanding the OP's situation. She is a widow receiving her late husbands pension. If she legally remarries, she loses the pension. Her boyfriend wants to have a ceremony that looks like a wedding but with no marriage license. It seems that is mostly from family pressure to get married and not "live in sin". he wants to fool his family into thinking they are married. I think he needs to stand up to his family and tell them they are going to live together unmarried; get over it. But that's just my opinion.
..." if she legally remarries, she loses the pension ".....
Seems like from the beginning of time people wanted to have their cake and eat it too
My SO says he has read about spiritual weddings that aren't legal so people can keep there pensions. Has anybody ever heard of this? I'm just not sure about this at all.
Yes, I as a fellow widow, I have heard of these, precisely for the reason you state: so the widow/er doesn't lose their survivor benefits. Or if they are a bit older, they will wait until they are of the age this is no longer an issue - like when their own retirement kicks in. I used to be active on a now-defunct message board for young widow/ers and the financial impact of remarriage was not an uncommon topic.
Basically, you have the ceremony and never file the paperwork to make it legal. Of course, having already been widowed once, you know the process that takes place after your spouse dies. If I were to do this, I'd make sure I had everything set up legally so it was ironclad everything went to my "spouse" if I died in the form of a trust as wills can be contested and my understanding is a trust cannot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora
A prenup would take care of the pension issue. So, his reason for preferring a spiritual marriage is a little weak.
Nope, surviving spouse pensions can be and often are lost if the widow/er remarries before a certain age. A prenup could protect any other assets she may have but not this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow
Second, if they never marry they will never be eligible for spousal SS benefits, or to be dependents on each other's medical/dental insurance. If there are children from a prior relationship, how will inheritance work if they are never legally married? She would be in the same position that a lot of same-sex partners were in until recently, having to fight when the children contest the will.
She stated in a subsequent post there are no children. And certain states offer domestic partnership to non-married, opposite sex couples.
I see you receivea pension from your deceased husband, would remarriage have any impact on this or any other benefits you may receive? I am also a.widow and was married for 38 years. I I remarried it would not effect the pension I received from my husband as it was a lump sum payout and I invested it. However I would lose the small pension I receive from the military an my medical tricare benefits would end.
The main area it would effect you would.be social security and joint assets. Since your first husband died so young, this fellow will most likely have a much higher social security payout which you would be entitled to if married LEGALLY but not in a spiritual marriage. Also unless a prenuptial is signed in most states as a wife you are entitled to 30 percent of his assets no matter what is in the will. Found this out when father died and new wife "conveniently" lost the prenuptial not knowing I had a legal copy.
My SO says he has read about spiritual weddings that aren't legal so people can keep there pensions. Has anybody ever heard of this? I'm just not sure about this at all.
Absolutely, I've not only heard of it, I've been to those weddings. My mother-in-law had been with her partner for over 20 years and he wanted to get married. She was older (he late 50's, she late 60's) and on a fixed income and a whack of medications. She didn't want to burden him with theses costs so they had this "spiritual wedding" with all the trappings and a minister, it just wasn't legally registered.
Think of it this way, before legalized Gay marriage, some long-term partners would have weddings that while they were not legal, were every bit as binding in the hearts and minds of the spouses.
Same thing. Some times when people love each other greatly they want to have a union and it doesn't have to involve the courts.
I would imagine his mother will still think you are living in sin, unless he plans to lie to her and tell her you're legally married. I mean, how is this going to work? Are you going to have a whole wedding, just no marriage license? Will the wedding guests be in on the deception, just "don't tell Mom"?
And what happens if a situation arises where your marital status becomes an issue, as in a "next of kin" situation? Do you present him to the world as your husband, and he presents you as his wife, even though both of you know that's legally not the case?
We used to have common-law marriages, but at least in Florida, where I live, that ended in 1968.
Yes, that's what my mother-in-law did. She was in and out of the hospital a lot and they always took it at face value that the man was in fact, her husband because that's what was on all of the forms. When she died he was treated as "next of kin" even though he wasn't.
You "guess" you have a pension from your husband.?? Are you competent to manage your own affairs? Get some clarity on your situation , consult who ever is paying your pension.
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