Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Bette,
Chill out for awhile. I'm not saying don't plan, but what ansible90 is saying in post #3 is so true. If you've never gone through this with a parent it's hard to understand how it can affect you, and it can hit everyone different. I would just lay off the retirement talk for a while until hubby's dad situation gets settled a bit more. Approach him about it when he is in a good mood and not burdened by all these confusing emotions. You are probably right that "you can" do what you're planning, but he doesn't have the mental room in his head to focus on that right now.
At 66, he would get $2139 monthly but at 70, it would be $2886 monthly. Big difference!!
He plans to ramp up the SS also - he was never at the max amount but he'll have tons of years in there - I know they take the highest 35 years.
He's a CPA - when I showed him his, he was surprised. Now, he's got a goal.
I think we just need to have a FUN weekend away somewhere. He agrees but we've been so careful on spending just trying to get the debt from the legal situation down to zero. (He borrowed a lot of it from his dad but that was his inheritance so it's our best interest to save it and pay it back so to speak).
I did look it up and $3501 monthly is the max for 2015. He's not that far away from that - if he got to $3100 monthly, that would be great. Then, there is mine. We do not have pensions but have IRA's and 401K's (small).
However, we have been self employed most of our lives and paying business expenses came first. We always took a W2 but it was like 25K or so. He started taking a lot more about 20 years ago.
**Note: Once I get done with Part 1, we won't have real debt other than to mortgages and his dad. Then, he can relax a bit. I'm getting there. I think sometimes we both want it done tomorrow.
A lot can happen in 10 years time.
Thanks again for the responses.
PS - I'm hoping my son will meet the girl of his dreams (he wants to), have like 4 children and then I'll be thrilled. Just need the girl......
You have always been so helpful to others. I do hope you and your husband work this through so you both feel better about things.
There is a movie in the theatres, The War Room, that you might find helpful. I certainly did.
It is pertaining to Christian beliefs but is about the power gained by letting go. Not meaning to offend if that is not your belief system but just want to help.
A little off topic but it's been a while since I saw a movie where the audience was so engaged.
We were invited to a special screening but didn't know what to expect. It was in the largest theatre and there were hundreds there.
Tons of churches represented - it's an evening I can't soon forget. (There are a lot of Christian people in my area contrary to popular belief LOL).
People laughed, clapped and at the end stood up and applauded. It was so wonderful! I loved the movie, thought the acting was real and I believe it. (I am a Christian but anyone can pray and I think it does give one a moment of reflection). People were hugging and crying after.
We've had a long day (funeral this morning for a 23 year son of a friend) and then, I wanted to get my husband's feelings on how he himself was doing - seeing our future, etc. Well, he just had a moment the other day; he said he was discouraged that day and felt negative about everything - at that moment.
Getting the SSA numbers gave him something to look forward to. He's working for a goal. He's healthy. Yes, he's got his dad to be concerned about but with 3 caregivers (one lives there now), he's taken care of.
If my husband misses a day, it's not as critical as it was prior to July 2015. He personally thinks his dad should be in an ALF and be around his own age. His dad disagrees and so for now, his dad is at his own home.
I don't know you from Adam, but I am wondering if you are a spender and your husband is not.
Forgive me for sounding harsh, but to me it sounds selfish of you to be asking your husband to work longer so you can have a vacation home. And you want to turn your husband around - to your idea of what you want.
I am also suspicious of your husband's claims about clients who aren't paying, etc. It may just be my personal experience with divorce and untrustworthy husbands, but that sounds like the kinds of thing a husband says who is hiding money, getting ready for a divorce.
Hopefully, that's not the case. But, at the very least, I think it's fair to say your husband wants to be more cautious about how money is spent in the future, and he's ready to retire early, and the only thing keeping him from that, is you.
So, why don't you turn around. Let go of the idea of having two homes, and let your husband retire early.
Both of us have always helped our parents out financially so we have looked out for others and not really taken care of ourselves.
The second home thing was a way - I thought at the time - to get my husband out of the office and maybe see a different locale - halfway between our home and NYC where our daughter was and still is.
My husband and I share an office - we're in a complex but within the office space, there are separate areas and we keep that separate. I'm in the back; you wouldn't know I was here which is fine.
So, I'm well aware of the economic downturn and how different events have affected his business. Probably more aware since I can look at it with a different eye - probably if he looked at mine, he'd say the same.
Nothing is a secret. I have been a good wife, mother to our children and DIL to his parents.
Please read the prior thread: It's not that he was looking to retire; he was negative about getting to our goals - a lot of people are using this 1 million figure and that may be in his head but he was talking about taking SS at 66, not totally retiring! I wrote on the first post that he could do work as long as he wants.
He's a CPA and older men/women are looked up to in that industry for their expertise and knowledge.
He sees first hand from seeing his own father having been forced to retire at 72 and how he declined. My husband wants to keep his mind active and he is not talking about selling the business and quitting the profession, not at all. Maybe he'd like to take the workweek down to 60 hours a week; that might be a goal to work towards.
I think your comment about me being the spender and the issue was out of line. I went to work at age 15 to help my own parents and put aside my own dreams in order to help them. I had lots of medical issues (vision) from birth and I always felt I was burden; that this was my duty. I had wonderful parents and still have a great family. I'm close to my sibs; we talk every day or so and I have 12 nieces and nephews all close by. Very grateful for that.
My brother and I started our own company when I was 25 and we built it into a company where we had 34 employees. That lasted a short 17 years. I've been doing what I've been doing now 15 years but we have always looked out for others and taken a back seat. My own daughter bought me clothes last Christmas. Prior to that, the last shoes I bought were in 2009.
This issue is now resolved. I went into the SSA system and he was shocked at the difference between age 66 and age 70. He has always been a proponent of the age 70 (if one can, of course).
Both of us have always helped our parents out financially so we have looked out for others and not really taken care of ourselves.
The second home thing was a way - I thought at the time - to get my husband out of the office and maybe see a different locale - halfway between our home and NYC where our daughter was and still is.
My husband and I share an office - we're in a complex but within the office space, there are separate areas and we keep that separate. I'm in the back; you wouldn't know I was here which is fine.
So, I'm well aware of the economic downturn and how different events have affected his business. Probably more aware since I can look at it with a different eye - probably if he looked at mine, he'd say the same.
Nothing is a secret. I have been a good wife, mother to our children and DIL to his parents.
Please read the prior thread: It's not that he was looking to retire; he was negative about getting to our goals - a lot of people are using this 1 million figure and that may be in his head but he was talking about taking SS at 66, not totally retiring! I wrote on the first post that he could do work as long as he wants.
He's a CPA and older men/women are looked up to in that industry for their expertise and knowledge.
He sees first hand from seeing his own father having been forced to retire at 72 and how he declined. My husband wants to keep his mind active and he is not talking about selling the business and quitting the profession, not at all. Maybe he'd like to take the workweek down to 60 hours a week; that might be a goal to work towards.
I think your comment about me being the spender and the issue was out of line. I went to work at age 15 to help my own parents and put aside my own dreams in order to help them. I had lots of medical issues (vision) from birth and I always felt I was burden; that this was my duty. I had wonderful parents and still have a great family. I'm close to my sibs; we talk every day or so and I have 12 nieces and nephews all close by. Very grateful for that.
My brother and I started our own company when I was 25 and we built it into a company where we had 34 employees. That lasted a short 17 years. I've been doing what I've been doing now 15 years but we have always looked out for others and taken a back seat. My own daughter bought me clothes last Christmas. Prior to that, the last shoes I bought were in 2009.
This issue is now resolved. I went into the SSA system and he was shocked at the difference between age 66 and age 70. He has always been a proponent of the age 70 (if one can, of course).
You threw out a lot of red herrings, that have nothing to do with the point I was making.
Do you even realize what it sounds like to say that your husband "maybe" wants to get his work week DOWN to 60 hours?
I think you need to re-define your vision of happiness. What if your husband gets deathly ill at age 68? Why not retire early and enjoy each other. Or at least encourage him to work less hours and forget the vacation home?
Life's just too short. And happiness doesn't have to be expensive.
Last edited by NoMoreSnowForMe; 11-07-2015 at 10:33 PM..
At 66, he would get $2139 monthly but at 70, it would be $2886 monthly. Big difference!!
Do consider if your husband defers taking his SS at age 66 he is giving up $2139 x 12 = $25, 668 x 4 years = $102,672. If your husband plans to continue to work between 66-70 that extra $25, 668 annually can be very helpful in paying down debt and possibly getting rid of your mortgage which monthly payment may be much higher than the $747 gain from your husband waiting until age 70 to collect his SS.
From reading your post I was not clear if your husband wants to relocate permanently to The Villages or it be a 2nd home. Owning a home in The Villages is a consideration my husband and I are tossing around, and I certainly know how you feel relocating a distance from the ocean as we live in the Ocean State and can throw our little boat into the bay at the end of our street. My husband and I will be able to afford a small home in The Villages, but in doing so it will be financially difficult if not impossible to also keep our current home which has been paid for since 1997. With no mortgage on either home, and not even factoring in all the costs associated with home ownership, combined property taxes for owning homes in R.I. and FL would cost us around $1,000/month.
With regards to your husband finding work in TV as a CPA I can't imagine how he could not. There are hundreds of people moving into that community each month from all over the country, and most of those people will be looking for a good CPA to do their taxes and handle other financial issues. My tax accountant who is not a CPA is now retired from his full time job but continues to do taxes. He works from 1/1-4/15, 6 days a week, and sees 8 clients a day. At $180 a pop, that comes out to $8654 a week x 3.5 months = $30,240. This extra income is how he is able to own a condo in Venice, FL as well as keep his home in R.I. which neither have mortgages.
Sorry to hear about the decline of your FIL. My husband is going through the same right now with his mother. She is 86, has numerous medical problems, had a recent hospitalization which we did not think she was going to make it but she miraculously did. She then spent a month in a rehab facility which all was leaning towards her transitioning to long term care as she is getting increasingly confused. She wanted no part of that, and Friday my husband picked her up and brought her home to her senior housing apartment. Now my husband has constant worry about her safety, which doesn't help that we live a good 40 minute ride away. I doubt she will remain home for very long, but fortunately the Medicaid application was done and approved for long term care while she was in rehab as all thought she was going to stay. It isn't easy caring for a declining elderly parent, and when we do we begin thinking about our own mortality and future decline which your husband may be experiencing at this time which is likely contributing to his low mood.
I think a weekend getaway might be in order but that was not in Part 1 of my plan!
He just needs a mental health weekend. We have not had one of those by ourselves since 2009 and that was a business conference so really June 2008.
We're just not where we want to be - financially speaking - but we pay the bills and we made it through these past few years.
I think he is just discouraged.
Thanks for the comments.
**Note: If we were to sell everything (also business) and move to somewhere like The Villages, he might have to start all over again and I don't know if that area is conducive to what he does (CPA)**
Have I thought about it? Sure - but right now, not realistic. Even one of my sisters says we're too young for The Villages but I'm not so sure.
Just wish The Villages were next or closer to the ocean side of the state. I'm a water girl.
Maybe he just doesn't want to move to 'The Villages' and is tired of hearing about it. So saying you won't be able to afford it is just a manly way of shutting down the conversation.
I'd let the topic rest for now. It's great to have a goal. But maybe the specifics of that goal are not setting well with him. Maybe not a second home, but just a different first home. Maybe not relocating to start all over again, but a local move that could make you both feel like you were ready to relax a bit. Or maybe hold on to the idea of being near water. Maybe a time share so you could visit different places instead of settling in The Villages. There are lots of options.
Stop thinking so much about the specifics of that goal, and focus on the concept of the goal, and the steps right in front of you that are required to work towards it.
I'm sorry about your FIL. You are making a valiant effort to keep him in his home, and although it sounds like a lot of money, a nursing home would cost far more.
You threw out a lot of red herrings, that have nothing to do with the point I was making.
Do you even realize what it sounds like to say that your husband "maybe" wants to get his work week DOWN to 60 hours?
I think you need to re-define your vision of happiness. What if your husband gets deathly ill at age 68? Why not retire early and enjoy each other. Or at least encourage him to work less hours and forget the vacation home?
Life's just too short. And happiness doesn't have to be expensive.
Those more than 60 hr weeks! I remember when I was deployed, I was putting in less hours than my sister that worked at a law firm. If that is not crazy, do not know what is.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ssa
