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Old 11-12-2015, 11:29 PM
 
Location: Military City, USA.
5,539 posts, read 6,459,968 times
Reputation: 17008

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Re: Post #30: I think this is an idea that should be seriously thought about and discussed among each other (if a couple). Vicky has a great point. The community she is talking about are younger, so they will be around to care for those who are alone and aging.

I read your posts, Vicky, and think that you are much more intelligent than some of us "normal" people, as defined by society's definition of "normal". You impress me. Thanks for all of your posts, I enjoy them all.

Last edited by Lodestar 77; 11-12-2015 at 11:30 PM.. Reason: Forgot to reference what post I was replying to.
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Old 11-13-2015, 07:42 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,775 posts, read 11,878,841 times
Reputation: 11485
Okay, I am confused. Yesterday I saw several posts to me but didn't have time to answer them. Now they are nowhere to be found! I wonder what's up with that. I wondered if I was in the wrong thread but no, I'm not. Very strange...
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Old 11-13-2015, 08:03 AM
 
885 posts, read 1,162,581 times
Reputation: 1464
Thanks to all that have responded to my posts. It makes me feel good that there are many forum friends out there. To clarify some remarks.

I was one of those people, even as a kid, who was always friends with the underdog. If you were fat, ugly, smelled, had a speech impediment, the "wrong" religion, etc etc, I was friends with you. Some how, it seems you lose that as you get older. I guess because, jobs, a spouse, kids, etc take over and you are too busy: for both yourself and others.

Being an RN, I did care for people on my own time. Took them shopping and brought them meals that I cooked. Again I think you get busy with life so that things like that slide. Nowadays, you can't just walk up to people and ask "can I be your friend?"

Up to about 2 months ago, I could barely walk due to fibromyalgia. Feeling a little better, although I still have arthritis that at times bothers me a lot and impedes my walking. That made it hard for me to get out at times.

We also live in the middle of nowhere. To join clubs or do anything we need to travel by car for an hour or more. That is also why we are considering moving. I think it's time to join the rat race again. We currently have 1 neighbor, with whom we are friendly but they are about 30 yrs younger and work F/T.

About retirement- You can't work forever. No we don't have much saved and Hubbie will have a decent income with SS and a pension. He may even make slightly more in retirement than with working. (he is also thinking of working after retirement until 70 before getting SS) However, we are a couple of those strange people who doesn't like to be in debt. I like some money in the bank for emergencies, which seem to find me all the time. Right now we have a mortgage which also is bothering me. We moved from a mortgage free home to this house 2 yrs ago. Plus in NY we have a big property tax bill (this yr the taxes will be about $9,000). We moved here to be with a "friend" who no longer speaks to us (as it turned out, this is a good thing. We ignored many red flags- a lesson learned).

When we move I want a mortgage free house and be where there are people so we can volunteer and see people. I know that will help.

I think what this is mainly about- as I read these pages- is what is happening with my family. I grew up with grandparents, and cousins , and siblings. We celebrated holidays, and birthday, and just weekends. They drove you crazy but they where family. I'm not close to my mother for many reasons that extended into adulthood, and I grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional family (both emotionally and physically). Most people would say great they don't speak with you. Maybe so. But I like they idea of a family, and I think families are important. Maybe I'm jealous that some people have loving families and I don't. Who knows. Maybe because winter is coming (which means being snowed in) and I'm coming down with SAD.

Just want to again thank everyone. There are many good ideas. I was going to put a note in my wallet about the dogs and cats at the house alone. Having an envelope with instructions on the refrig is a great idea. Hope we move/ downsize soon so that we can get some of things in motion, including a pre-paid burial. Thank you. Thank you.

Anyone want to be my friend?
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Old 11-13-2015, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Central NY
5,946 posts, read 5,098,924 times
Reputation: 16881
I agree with everything you said matisse12 . I had similar thoughts but hesitated to say them. I've been alone for a long time and have learned that there are some things in life and death that can't be helped... so spending a lot of time worrying about them is truly a waste of time.
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Old 11-13-2015, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,041,229 times
Reputation: 50796
I think you need to see an attorney who specializes in elder affairs, to see if he or she can help plan for your future. You want to be able to have a safety net, and you also want to be able to designate someone to manage your affairs if one or both of you become disabled. You might discuss this over the phone before going in person. I don't know what can be done; but i doubt you are unique in your situation.

Here is an article that addresses some of your issues: http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2...o-family/?_r=0

While there might not be as much you can do as you would like, there are probably a few legal things you can do to help your situation.
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Old 11-14-2015, 11:40 AM
 
25,427 posts, read 9,750,911 times
Reputation: 15259
Quote:
Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post
Thanks to all that have responded to my posts. It makes me feel good that there are many forum friends out there. To clarify some remarks.

I was one of those people, even as a kid, who was always friends with the underdog. If you were fat, ugly, smelled, had a speech impediment, the "wrong" religion, etc etc, I was friends with you. Some how, it seems you lose that as you get older. I guess because, jobs, a spouse, kids, etc take over and you are too busy: for both yourself and others.

Being an RN, I did care for people on my own time. Took them shopping and brought them meals that I cooked. Again I think you get busy with life so that things like that slide. Nowadays, you can't just walk up to people and ask "can I be your friend?"

Up to about 2 months ago, I could barely walk due to fibromyalgia. Feeling a little better, although I still have arthritis that at times bothers me a lot and impedes my walking. That made it hard for me to get out at times.

We also live in the middle of nowhere. To join clubs or do anything we need to travel by car for an hour or more. That is also why we are considering moving. I think it's time to join the rat race again. We currently have 1 neighbor, with whom we are friendly but they are about 30 yrs younger and work F/T.

About retirement- You can't work forever. No we don't have much saved and Hubbie will have a decent income with SS and a pension. He may even make slightly more in retirement than with working. (he is also thinking of working after retirement until 70 before getting SS) However, we are a couple of those strange people who doesn't like to be in debt. I like some money in the bank for emergencies, which seem to find me all the time. Right now we have a mortgage which also is bothering me. We moved from a mortgage free home to this house 2 yrs ago. Plus in NY we have a big property tax bill (this yr the taxes will be about $9,000). We moved here to be with a "friend" who no longer speaks to us (as it turned out, this is a good thing. We ignored many red flags- a lesson learned).

When we move I want a mortgage free house and be where there are people so we can volunteer and see people. I know that will help.

I think what this is mainly about- as I read these pages- is what is happening with my family. I grew up with grandparents, and cousins , and siblings. We celebrated holidays, and birthday, and just weekends. They drove you crazy but they where family. I'm not close to my mother for many reasons that extended into adulthood, and I grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional family (both emotionally and physically). Most people would say great they don't speak with you. Maybe so. But I like they idea of a family, and I think families are important. Maybe I'm jealous that some people have loving families and I don't. Who knows. Maybe because winter is coming (which means being snowed in) and I'm coming down with SAD.

Just want to again thank everyone. There are many good ideas. I was going to put a note in my wallet about the dogs and cats at the house alone. Having an envelope with instructions on the refrig is a great idea. Hope we move/ downsize soon so that we can get some of things in motion, including a pre-paid burial. Thank you. Thank you.

Anyone want to be my friend?
Hi CountryKaren. YES, I will be your friend. I could have written your OP. It is just my husband and me too, although we do have some relatives whom we really aren't in much contact with. My brother and his family, though not estranged, rarely communicate with me. I've gone for years being the "one" to initiate communication and then I got tired too. I babysat all his children when they were young, and at that time we were together a lot. Once the kids got old enough, I guess I wasn't needed so much anymore. We also lived in the same town until a few months ago, when we moved a couple of hours away.

We don't have children or grandchildren, and although we have friends, not many that we are in daily contact with. If there is any consolation I can offer, it's that I believe there are a lot of us out there. We also live in a very small town. You may want to read my post on the Retirement Forum that is titled, "Moved, retired, no children, and lost," or something like that. It was amazing the supportive responses I received.

I wish you well in whatever decision you decide to make with regard to moving. You have lots of friends on CD, and I can tell you from experience, it makes a huge difference!

Hugs to you, my new friend.
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Old 11-14-2015, 11:42 AM
 
25,427 posts, read 9,750,911 times
Reputation: 15259
Oh, and regarding pets. Yes, they are family! We lost our last 18 year old kitty in Sept. and we still feel the loss acutely. I'm with you, wherever I go, my pets go. I wouldn't dream of putting them up for adoption or giving them away, anymore that I would my children. They are such a wonderful comfort, and give more love than most people I know. I'm so glad you have them!
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Old 11-14-2015, 12:09 PM
 
36 posts, read 33,616 times
Reputation: 62
I also am in the same boat at 60 lost my DH over 2 1/2 yrs ago .I did meet a very nice man but he is alone also and he is sickly at 61 .So I am now looking into adult communities to make new friends .I want to be a part of the community and enjoy sharing my life with others being apart of like minded people .I hope this works out for me who knows but i am willing to try something different .I hope you can find a nice adult community to make new friends and find some happiness and peace in your life's.Wishing you both many many blessing and here is a hug .
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Old 11-14-2015, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,287,003 times
Reputation: 50370
There's lots of very cool technologies getting close to "ready for prime time". For example, carpeting that tracks your steps and can predict 2 days in advance when someone will have a fall - based on how their pattern of movement has changed over time! Amazing stuff! Lots of digital "tenders" that monitor you by video...yes, this gets at privacy issues - but you can't have total privacy AND someone or something checking in on you! In a decade, who knows how far things will have progressed....
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Old 11-14-2015, 02:53 PM
 
25,427 posts, read 9,750,911 times
Reputation: 15259
I wish you the best in finding that community Bailygirl. *Hugs*
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