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We have very little money, but it's all good. If circumstances put Bobby, my son, and myself into a cave, well, I can still be happy. That is not what makes me wake up in a sweat in the middle of the night. What tempers my joy is my fear about my husband or myself dying. It's pretty much inevitable. I know there are many happy retirees out there. Are any of those happy retirees widowed with a late spouse they adored?
We have very little money, but it's all good. If circumstances put Bobby, my son, and myself into a cave, well, I can still be happy. That is not what makes me wake up in a sweat in the middle of the night. What tempers my joy is my fear about my husband or myself dying. It's pretty much inevitable. I know there are many happy retirees out there. Are any of those happy retirees widowed with a late spouse they adored?
Yes, there are some of us out here.
Starting life over , living alone as a "happy" single person after 53 years of being a married one, didn't happen quickly or without pain, but it can happen.
It makes it a lot easier if you are or learn to be, more self sufficient before it happens so you aren't shell shocked by having to learn how to manage all the mundane matters of daily life .
I am not yet retired, but I was widowed in my forties and consider myself a happy person (and did so even before remarrying). The secret for me was not to let widowhood define my life, so as soon as I could function, I started saying "yes" to opportunities that arose and moving out of my comfort zone, which didn't really exist at that point, anyway.
I retired in 07, moved to a new town, my wife died within months of our moving to the new house. After a few years I moved on and began dating at age 64, eventually meeting a very nice woman and getting married in 2011 and moving again. We never know what life will be about in the near term, I think, that like a good book, there are surprises in the plot, we understand at some point that grief is simply the initial emotion experienced in a new chapter and not necessarily a permanent response to loss, or a life ended. At seventy I'm more convinced than ever that life is more about chaos and surprises than it ever could be about what is predictable.
It has been 4 years since my husband died. We were married for 38 uears. The first year passed in a fog. The second in disbelief. The third in great sorrow. Then I made a decision to be happy. It was a choice. I work at it every day. But now I see moments of joy in a beautiful day, a grandchilds smile, or just the feeling of contentment. But every morning I have to make that choice.
Yes, there is life after a spouse dies. It can be a great life or it can stink on ice. YOU get to decide. The greatest gift you can give each other is to get your finances/wills, etc in order. If your spouse dies without a will, in most states you will lose half to someone else. Most likely his/her closest relative... And that's a disaster of epic proportions you can control. Make sure the house/property is joint tenancy so the survivor can keep it. Get all your financial ducks in a row while both of you are alive.
The reason I talk about this every chance I get is because my H dropped dead at 61 and had done none of the above. No illness, no time to prepare. I ended up losing literally hundreds of thousands of dollars to his relatives. The one who benefited most is a worthless felon who has been a freeloader all his life. But that's the law! And it made me relatively poor instead of relatively well off. If there was one thing I would change, we would have done all of the above!
Talk about this with your spouse. I did and we decided decades ago, whomever was left was to treat it as a do over and have as much fun as possible. Not waste years grieving over something we couldn't change. Life happens, death happens. One of you has to die first. We have no control. Maybe this sounds harsh but if you die tomorrow do you honestly wish years of misery on your spouse? Or would you rather they enjoy the time they have left?
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