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Old 12-14-2015, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,972,970 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
I am fairly sure this is a common problem and has probably been covered before, but as the thread title says, my problem is motivation. I posted here instead of the Diet forum because my problem also has much to do with being older.

Before I continue, I am 62, female, 5'4", and I look and feel best as a size 6 and about 125 pounds. I have normal metabolism, but I have had a problem keeping weight off for about the past 40 years. My pattern has always been that when I am at the point I am now (almost a size 10), I have a 300-calorie breakfast, a 200-calorie lunch, and a normal dinner (about 700 calories) -- and eliminate all seconds, snacks, and desserts -- until I lose the weight, which usually takes about three months. Then, I forget about dieting until I gain the weight back, which usually takes about three years. However, about six years ago, at age 56, I had gained weight until I was 162 pounds and a size 12, and my husband had lost all sexual interest in me (whether this was because of our getting older or my getting fatter or both, I don't know). Well, at that point, I went on my usual diet and lost 47 pounds in nine months until I was 115 pounds and a size 2/4. I was very proud of myself, but it made no difference in my husband's physical desire for me. (Btw, we have a VERY good marriage otherwise, for the most part, and I know he has never had any kind of affair or any desire for one.)

So now, once again, I am at the point where I want/need to lose weight, but I just cannot psych myself to start dieting again (after the holidays, of course!) because I have always lost weight to please my husband more than myself, but now I just feel/think that if he doesn't really care whether or not I am a size 10 or a size 6, then why should I "deprive" myself for the sake of about 15 extra pounds (even though I know that the extra 15 pounds will turn into 20-40 pounds if I don't do something about it sooner rather than later, and even though I definitely feel better when I weigh less). And then there is also the fact that even with 15 extra pounds, I still actually feel okay and my health isn't affected, and I can't help but think that I am being more than just a little bit vain, stupid and shallow to be even worrying about an extra 15 or so pounds at my age. It is as though I am actually trying to talk myself out of even trying to lose weight.

So, I guess I am just asking for advice about how to motivate myself to lose weight when I don't care all that much for my sake and it doesn't seem to matter that much to anyone else, either. Again, it would be different if the extra weight was affecting my health, but it's not except that my energy level is just slightly less than it is when I weigh 125 -- and as far as my self-image regarding my appearance is concerned, even though I am reasonably attractive for my age. at age 62, that "ain't saying much!" and being a single-digit dress size won't change that fact!
You know yourself better than I do - but...

I think you're trying to get your weight down too low. One reason you keep yo-yoing between low weights and some that are pretty high . I am not a doctor - but I think most would tell you it's better to carry 5-10 more pounds consistently than to gain and lose 25 or more pounds again and again and again. So I think the first thing you should do is find a weight you can sustain without starving yourself (or pigging out either except very occasionally). At 5'4" - you can weigh 130-135 and still have a well within normal BMI (body mass index).

I lost about 15 pounds a couple of years ago through changing my diet permanently - and have been able to keep all but the last 2-3 off because my new diet is sustainable. It was basically everything I like to eat - just less of it. And I cut out bread almost 100% (except when dining at a great restaurant with truly great bread - which isn't that often. Your ideal sustainable diet might be different. Note that I think it's important to weigh yourself every day. So those 2 extra pounds we all put on during Thanksgiving don't turn into 10 by the New Year.

You say you have a "normal" metabolism. Have you had a thyroid test lately? I am 68 - and I was surprised to learn my thyroid is starting to slow down. Which makes it harder to keep the pounds off. I don't need medication at this point. And my doctor told me that this is a very normal thing to happen as we get older (especially when it comes to us women). FWIW - I have never been thin (never really fat either) - but weigh about 5 pounds more now than I weighed when I got married 40+ years ago. I am ok with that. Although it is not great health-wise to be fat - it isn't great for older women to be super thin either. Really thin women are at higher risk for things like osteoporosis.

BTW - I want to know where you buy your clothes . Because fitting into a size 12 when you weigh 162 pounds doesn't sound right to me (I don't weigh anywhere close to 162 pounds - more like 130 - and am a size 12-14). One advantage of keeping your weight relatively stable is you don't have to keep 2-3 separate sets of clothes in your closet.

When it comes to your husband - that is a tough one. Because it could be a lot of things. I doubt it has anything to do with your weight. And I'll assume it is something that's not specific to your personal relationship (which you probably don't want to tell us about - and which we're not competent to analyze - we're not psychiatrists). Guys tend to "slow down" as they get older. They get aroused more slowly - sometimes less completely - and some have issues getting to the "finish line". Sometimes it's a result of specific physical problems. Sometimes it's a side effect of certain medications - especially things like blood pressure medications. Sometimes it's simply getting old. Or it could be a combination of all of the above.

Talk with your husband - and perhaps both of you should talk with his doctor too. To figure out what the problem is - and try to solve it. It may be something as simple as not taking BP medications until "post sex" (which is what my husband and I did - those BP meds are a real performance killer) - or perhaps taking ED drugs. Note that guys can - understandably - get touchy/embarrassed about this stuff. And - if they fail once or twice - well "once burnt - twice shy". Especially if their partners are less than sympathetic - understanding - perhaps willing to try things that might be new/things most men especially seem to like as well (will leave that one to your imagination so I don't get censored). Us women have it easy. We can always "fake it" (for whatever reason):


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0OeM6UUAoI

Men don't have that luxury. Robyn
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Old 12-14-2015, 04:24 PM
 
6,766 posts, read 1,414,614 times
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Hi, Robyn. Just want to put this out to women in general for comments as far as size and brand, although that discussion is probably already covered in the Fashion and Beauty forum.

I know that women can weigh the same and even be the same height, but be very different in shape and measurements (and hence, wear different sizes). To answer your question, though, as I think I implied, I have an "hourglass shape", but I also have heavy arms and very heavy legs, so I buy relaxed fit jeans which are loose in the legs but fitted at -- or just below -- the waist. I can still (even now) wear a size 6 in the Lee jeans, but in most other brands, I now need an 8 -- and quite honestly, I am edging into a 10 (and that is why I am posting, lol). Anyway, except for Lee jeans, I order size 8's, no matter what brand it is, and everything fits okay, as long as the garment is not at all "fitted" to my thighs, at least 90% of the time. However, if I bought a slim skirt, for example, I would have to buy a 10 or even a 12, but then I would have a large gap in my waistband. (Please don't think I'm bragging, though, because, believe me, I would much rather have long slim legs than a small waist! But, then, have you ever known a woman to be completely happy with her figure, no matter what her age?)

Thanks also for what else you (and everyone else) has written -- although I guess I am just too inhibited to write any more details about my love life, even in an anonymous public forum!

P.S. I am sorry if the above is too much info, and I truly did not mean to discuss my figure flaws as much as my problem with finding the motivation to lose weight at my age.
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Old 12-14-2015, 04:26 PM
 
9,585 posts, read 8,908,287 times
Reputation: 5814
Quote:
Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
I am fairly sure this is a common problem and has probably been covered before, but as the thread title says, my problem is motivation. I posted here instead of the Diet forum because my problem also has much to do with being older.

Before I continue, I am 62, female, 5'4", and I look and feel best as a size 6 and about 125 pounds. I have normal metabolism, but I have had a problem keeping weight off for about the past 40 years. My pattern has always been that when I am at the point I am now (almost a size 10), I have a 300-calorie breakfast, a 200-calorie lunch, and a normal dinner (about 700 calories) -- and eliminate all seconds, snacks, and desserts -- until I lose the weight, which usually takes about three months. Then, I forget about dieting until I gain the weight back, which usually takes about three years. However, about six years ago, at age 56, I had gained weight until I was 162 pounds and a size 12, and my husband had lost all sexual interest in me (whether this was because of our getting older or my getting fatter or both, I don't know). Well, at that point, I went on my usual diet and lost 47 pounds in nine months until I was 115 pounds and a size 2/4. I was very proud of myself, but it made no difference in my husband's physical desire for me. (Btw, we have a VERY good marriage otherwise, for the most part, and I know he has never had any kind of affair or any desire for one.)

So now, once again, I am at the point where I want/need to lose weight, but I just cannot psych myself to start dieting again (after the holidays, of course!) because I have always lost weight to please my husband more than myself, but now I just feel/think that if he doesn't really care whether or not I am a size 10 or a size 6, then why should I "deprive" myself for the sake of about 15 extra pounds (even though I know that the extra 15 pounds will turn into 20-40 pounds if I don't do something about it sooner rather than later, and even though I definitely feel better when I weigh less). And then there is also the fact that even with 15 extra pounds, I still actually feel okay and my health isn't affected, and I can't help but think that I am being more than just a little bit vain, stupid and shallow to be even worrying about an extra 15 or so pounds at my age. It is as though I am actually trying to talk myself out of even trying to lose weight.

So, I guess I am just asking for advice about how to motivate myself to lose weight when I don't care all that much for my sake and it doesn't seem to matter that much to anyone else, either. Again, it would be different if the extra weight was affecting my health, but it's not except that my energy level is just slightly less than it is when I weigh 125 -- and as far as my self-image regarding my appearance is concerned, even though I am reasonably attractive for my age. at age 62, that "ain't saying much!" and being a single-digit dress size won't change that fact!
Same advice for anyone else./......eat a little less.
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Old 12-14-2015, 05:10 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,081 posts, read 9,556,304 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
Thanks for your reply!

My husband is 59 (three years younger). We've been together for 31 years, and except for the first ten years or so we were together (and especially the first year or two, of course), he has never had a strong sex drive.

My body tone is okay, but no way would I have ever graced the cover of a physical fitness magazine. I have had cellulite thighs since I was 13, and I even had them when I weighed only 103! (After a severe emotional trauma when I was 20, I virtually did not eat anything for about a month). Small waist and big everything else, proportion-wise.

I walk two miles a day -- one mile twice a day with our dog -- although all of us will occasionally go for a three-mile hike on weekends. I hate to exercise.
Excess weight *is* detrimental to your health, even if you only feel slightly less energy. It raises risk for cancers and diabetes. And the more extra weight you have, it seems to be even more easy to put more on - at least for me it seems that way. It's not at all obsessive to try to regain a healthier weight.

I've got 30 pounds of extra weight, and also lack the self-discipline to get rid of it. And yes, it does lessen my energy.

I'm with you, I also hate to exercise. But I like to geo-cache, and that will often keep me walking for another mile or so. And I like libraries, so I volunteer 4 hours per week to do physical work (shelving books, tidying up shelves, etc.) at the local libraries.
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Old 12-14-2015, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,972,970 times
Reputation: 6723
Quote:
Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
Hi, Robyn. Just want to put this out to women in general for comments as far as size and brand, although that discussion is probably already covered in the Fashion and Beauty forum.

I know that women can weigh the same and even be the same height, but be very different in shape and measurements (and hence, wear different sizes). To answer your question, though, as I think I implied, I have an "hourglass shape", but I also have heavy arms and very heavy legs, so I buy relaxed fit jeans which are loose in the legs but fitted at -- or just below -- the waist. I can still (even now) wear a size 6 in the Lee jeans, but in most other brands, I now need an 8 -- and quite honestly, I am edging into a 10 (and that is why I am posting, lol). Anyway, except for Lee jeans, I order size 8's, no matter what brand it is, and everything fits okay, as long as the garment is not at all "fitted" to my thighs, at least 90% of the time. However, if I bought a slim skirt, for example, I would have to buy a 10 or even a 12, but then I would have a large gap in my waistband. (Please don't think I'm bragging, though, because, believe me, I would much rather have long slim legs than a small waist! But, then, have you ever known a woman to be completely happy with her figure, no matter what her age?)

Thanks also for what else you (and everyone else) has written -- although I guess I am just too inhibited to write any more details about my love life, even in an anonymous public forum!

P.S. I am sorry if the above is too much info, and I truly did not mean to discuss my figure flaws as much as my problem with finding the motivation to lose weight at my age.
It's nice to be at a reasonable weight so we don't look like blimps/doublewides (pretty common thing where I live in the SE - and not only among older people - but you aren't anywhere near that). Or to have weight related issues either - like adult onset diabetes. That's where the motivation comes from. But we don't have to try to look like models either. I guess it's called being comfortable in your own skin - and I reckon that's where I've been for quite a few decades now.

As for the sex stuff - I think your husband - if he's like most guys - cares much more about what you're willing to do to please him than whether you weigh 115 or 135 - or even what you look like. Which is why we sometimes see these gorgeous movie star men with gorgeous movie star wives hooking up with women who look like total skanks. They enjoy what these skanks do to/with them in the dark of night. Talk frankly with your husband - and experiment at least a bit. Perhaps some guys will chime in here with some suggestions (hope so). I know my husband is fond of certain types of clothing - ranging from sexy lingerie to low cut "cow girl" denim vests. Not to mention certain sexual acts the mention of which would get me censored here. Once we get to a certain age - it's more important than ever to spice things up a bit IMO. Robyn
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Old 12-15-2015, 12:08 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,910 posts, read 25,382,379 times
Reputation: 26461
Quote:
Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
Hi, Robyn. Just want to put this out to women in general for comments as far as size and brand, although that discussion is probably already covered in the Fashion and Beauty forum.

I know that women can weigh the same and even be the same height, but be very different in shape and measurements (and hence, wear different sizes). To answer your question, though, as I think I implied, I have an "hourglass shape", but I also have heavy arms and very heavy legs, so I buy relaxed fit jeans which are loose in the legs but fitted at -- or just below -- the waist. I can still (even now) wear a size 6 in the Lee jeans, but in most other brands, I now need an 8 -- and quite honestly, I am edging into a 10 (and that is why I am posting, lol). Anyway, except for Lee jeans, I order size 8's, no matter what brand it is, and everything fits okay, as long as the garment is not at all "fitted" to my thighs, at least 90% of the time. However, if I bought a slim skirt, for example, I would have to buy a 10 or even a 12, but then I would have a large gap in my waistband. (Please don't think I'm bragging, though, because, believe me, I would much rather have long slim legs than a small waist! But, then, have you ever known a woman to be completely happy with her figure, no matter what her age?)

Thanks also for what else you (and everyone else) has written -- although I guess I am just too inhibited to write any more details about my love life, even in an anonymous public forum!

P.S. I am sorry if the above is too much info, and I truly did not mean to discuss my figure flaws as much as my problem with finding the motivation to lose weight at my age.
Seriously...I have clothes in my closet that fit in S, M, L, and XL. And sizes from 6 to 16. I have killer legs but everything else is awful.

I think lots of clothes made in Asia are really small!
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Old 12-15-2015, 12:41 AM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,929 posts, read 18,947,529 times
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Vanity sizing has taken over these past several years. So what used to be a size 10 could now be a size 6 and so on. When I was in high school and college I was always underweight--one of those people who just could not gain weight--and I took a size 9/10. That would be considered a big size now.

I don't have any advice except that's it probably is a good idea not to let the pounds pile on because it's awfully hard to lose them. Don't try to please your husband, do what's best for you and that would be maintaining a healthy weight. Personally, I would hate to feel flabby and overweight. I put on those few pounds over Thanksgiving and I'm not happy about it. It's so much better to just eat in moderation and feel good about it while keeping your weight within a normal range.
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Old 12-15-2015, 03:34 AM
 
6,367 posts, read 5,098,251 times
Reputation: 12946
Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
Vanity sizing has taken over these past several years. So what used to be a size 10 could now be a size 6 and so on. When I was in high school and college I was always underweight--one of those people who just could not gain weight--and I took a size 9/10. That would be considered a big size now.

I don't have any advice except that's it probably is a good idea not to let the pounds pile on because it's awfully hard to lose them. Don't try to please your husband, do what's best for you and that would be maintaining a healthy weight. Personally, I would hate to feel flabby and overweight. I put on those few pounds over Thanksgiving and I'm not happy about it. It's so much better to just eat in moderation and feel good about it while keeping your weight within a normal range.
Vanity sizing refers to the size in proportion to the cost of the clothing.

The more expensive the bigger the cut, so you can take a smaller size.
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Old 12-15-2015, 04:10 AM
 
1,115 posts, read 1,825,506 times
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700 calories/day isn't nearly enough to fuel your body. When you don't get enough food, your body thinks it's starving and holds on even harder to what you do eat. And if you've been doing this for decades....I'd advise seeing your doctor or a nutritionist for help.
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Old 12-15-2015, 05:58 AM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
8,877 posts, read 7,752,067 times
Reputation: 15332
I have some encouragement for dieters. I did some studying this year and found out that many doctors and now blaming sugar as one of the biggest causes of heart disease. It seems that cholesterol in the blood is not the problem. What happens is that sugar causes inflammation of the arteries. The body then uses the cholesterol to heal the inflammation damage to the arteries. So cutting the sugar is a key to reducing coronary artery disease.

But that's a problem in our current food system. Many packaged/processed foods have had extra sugar added, to make people like them more and boost sales. So I had to change my diet to reduce these foods. So cutting all that sugar has helped me loose 20 lbs this year. I now try to eat mostly cooked meat, vegetables, fruit and that's about it. Loosing the 20 lbs has been easy, and I plan on more next year, once Christmas is over. (too many good sweets around)

So the incentive is that you can not only do your body good by cutting weight, but by lessen coronary artery disease.
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