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Old 12-20-2015, 05:53 PM
 
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You mentioned wavering on whether to have a memorial service or not.
Please do it. My father put in his will he did not want to have a funeral or memorial. Nothing at all.
I have no idea why he chose that but it did not help us move on from his death and was unfair in my opinion to so many residents of the city who knew him as the owner of a popular business for many many years and admired him.
A memorial is for the living not the dead.
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Old 12-20-2015, 05:58 PM
 
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I very much wish my mother and brother were still alive and around. But I did not need a memorial service to have deep appreciation of them then or now.

I realize to each his own.
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Old 12-20-2015, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,991,724 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61 View Post
You mentioned wavering on whether to have a memorial service or not.
Please do it. My father put in his will he did not want to have a funeral or memorial. Nothing at all.
I have no idea why he chose that but it did not help us move on from his death and was unfair in my opinion to so many residents of the city who knew him as the owner of a popular business for many many years and admired him.
A memorial is for the living not the dead.
Thanks, Kitty. I hadn't really thought of it that way. For many, a funeral service does what you say, but lacking that, something else may actually be helpful. The siblings of one dear friend of mine who died at 60 and who lived on the West Coast for her career organized two memorials, one there for those friends and relatives, and one here. It was a nice luncheon and a portable display of photos from her youth and career, and people got up with some fond memories.

I think people who don't want any service may be uncomfortable with the idea of people saying anything about them in public, but what will they know. I've also been to several memorials at which people I know who were at odds with the deceased stood up and did some false or forced flattery. They should have said nothing.
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Old 12-20-2015, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,991,724 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I'm interested in why you care about a memorial service......since you'll be dead and will not know about anything.
I don't so very much. But I have a spouse, four kids, two (soon to be three) grandkids, three sisters, and several close friends and many students here who may like to have something for me. The only ones who are not around here are my Oregon son, who'd be here in a flash, and my older CA sister, who does not fly and didn't even come home for our mother's funeral. So in my case I wouldn't be putting anyone out. As Kitty says it's not for me, I'll be too occupied trying to get into heaven.
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Old 12-20-2015, 06:48 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
1,662 posts, read 1,529,045 times
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My biological mother wanted a nice funeral with an expensive casket and gravestone and pre-paid for it. She was not at all a prominent person and had been in a nursing home for five years before she died. It was hard to get her few friends to come to the funeral - glad it wasn't a memorial service. We had maybe 15 family members there. My mom had rather a sad, dysfunctional life so difficult to get up and say much. A minister provided by the funeral home got some information from us and provided the service - very kind of him. Overall it was awkward. On the other hand, my brother and SIL are prominent in their small city and active in their church and civic organizations. I could see them wanting a memorial service but not the rest of us siblings.
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Old 12-20-2015, 07:30 PM
 
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I think it's weird when people become narcissistic or unduly self-congratulatory upon impending death.

just my opinion, no one needs to feel the same. and I realize some people would not characterize wanting an expensive casket, expensive gravestone, and funeral, burial service, and/or memorial service as narcissistic and/or self-congratulatory.
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Old 12-21-2015, 05:29 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,991,724 times
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Please note the title of the thread: for those who are interested in it. Not necessarily decided, but interested. It's not about funerals, etc but MEMORIAL SERVICES.
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Old 12-21-2015, 05:42 AM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
7,118 posts, read 8,163,742 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
......since you'll be dead and will not know about anything.
You have no proof of this. I also have no real proof, but I happen to know of instances where the decedant indeed knew something of what was going on. This has nothing to do with religion. Death of the body does not mean death of the person. What a superficial observation on this life, and the next.
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Old 12-21-2015, 06:44 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,685 posts, read 3,254,622 times
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Years ago I worked with a woman who had nothing good to say about her father. Her complaints were endless.

Then the man died. I attended the service and she was one of the kids who got up to say something about him. What she said about him was so totally opposite of what I had been hearing all those years.

It made it really hard to believe anything she said after that.
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Old 12-21-2015, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Close to an earthquake
890 posts, read 678,635 times
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My father was a World War II veteran and a Catholic man from cradle to grave so both contributed to our decision to have a traditional funeral service and burial at Catholic cemetery where all "our people" are interned and where it is my plan I will also one day lay.

The Requiem Mass is very important to us Catholics and the military honors was so unbelievably emotional for me. I remember arriving at the cemetery and seeing the sailors in the whitest of white uniforms you can imagine. It touched my heart and soul in ways only someone who has gone through something similar could imagine. The playing of Taps and the folding of the flag and giving it to me as the family representative are memories to this day that are just as vivid as when they happened.

What also really touched me is the half-dozen or so of my clients who showed up for the Mass. None of them knew my father. Most were not Catholic but they attended to express their loyalty and sympathies to me and that experience in some subtle way elevated our already rock-solid relationships.

No torch and spreading in the forest or ocean could even come close for me but to each his own.

And insofar as the price, we shopped around. Believe my sister bought the casket at Costco and we found a no-frills funeral home. The price was unbelievably so much less than the mainstream funeral companies. True, the Hearse was a bit used and there wasn't a viewing room at the funeral home for the Rosary and viewing but we had a closed casket and prayed the Rosary at the church prior to the Mass.

Again to each his own but this is exactly how I want mine done. I did my 3 years in the Army and I want my Taps!
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