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Old 12-21-2015, 08:32 AM
 
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No planning, no memorials with us, Mr. CSD and I will be cremated and whomever decides to claim our ashes will let us out of the Urn wherever they want.
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Old 12-21-2015, 10:19 AM
 
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It's different when you did not get along with the deceased when they were alive and there are things that we wanted to say.
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Old 12-21-2015, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Idaho
1,457 posts, read 1,160,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
Please note the title of the thread: for those who are interested in it. Not necessarily decided, but interested. It's not about funerals, etc but MEMORIAL SERVICES.
JMO that the topic title is kind of odd in a discussion board. Typically people don't read or don't participate in a thread if they are not interested in the subject. Stating it in the title has the appearance of 'controlling' the discussion allowing no dissenting or different opinions.

I am interested in Memorial Services simply because I have always appreciated being invited by the family to be a part of the remembrance sharing memories, honoring and celebrating the life of the deceased.

IMO, funerals and memorial services are for the livings and not the dead. These ceremonies are held for the living, to give them a chance to say goodbye to the person they knew, to give them some form of closure, and to give them a chance to mourn.

I could understand why someone would specify what kind of burial or funeral service that they would prefer. For us, being strongly scientific and environmentally minded, we had signed forms to donate our bodies/organs so cremation is a likely outcome unless some teaching labs decide to keep our bones -I would love to be a skeleton in the corner of a biology/medical lab ;-).

We have attended two church funerals for deceased friends whom we knew did not want to have anything to do with the church when they were alive. It is kind of ironic but again, the funerals are for the livings!

Regarding memorial services, I think that it is an important 'closure' event for the survivors. IMO, it is best for the livings to plan the service. Having participated in the planning of two memorial services (one for my father and one for my PIL), I think the planning process is comforting. Assembling mementos, memory videos/slide show, printing old family pictures, selecting music, recounting funny or touching stories for the eulogies etc bring back great memories thus lessening the sorrow and grief. These activities are even more therapeutic when doing them together as a family.

So IMO, one should not plan one's own memorial service. Let the survivors plan it the way they want.
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,978 posts, read 5,326,543 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaDL;42357035

[B
So IMO, one should not plan one's own memorial service. Let the survivors plan it the way they want.[/b]

I told my sisters to do what THEY want to do. It doesn't really matter to me since I will be gone.

I do want an obituary in the paper where I live now and where I lived most of my life.
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,484 posts, read 3,329,448 times
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when my husband died this last summer I had him cremated ( his choice ) we held no service for him again by his choice BUT since we had no services or interment we held a small family gathering we put a spoonful of his ashes into small paper envelopes and tied them to balloons and then each one said something they loved about their time with him and we let go of the balloon as a group.. kinda neat thing .. 15 white balloons at dusk we watched them go up until they were outta sight .. and our wish was for him to go to the first star to the right and straight on till morning light .. yeh kinda corney but fitting as we sent him off ( he was a peter pan sorta guy so he would have gotten that idea and been pleased )

anyways the newest star wars movie just came out .. he and I had always gone to see them so I took a small baggie of his ashes with me and we saw it together .. bittersweet of course but yanno that was what worked for me ..
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,007,999 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faworki1947 View Post
when my husband died this last summer I had him cremated ( his choice ) we held no service for him again by his choice BUT since we had no services or interment we held a small family gathering we put a spoonful of his ashes into small paper envelopes and tied them to balloons and then each one said something they loved about their time with him and we let go of the balloon as a group.. kinda neat thing .. 15 white balloons at dusk we watched them go up until they were outta sight .. and our wish was for him to go to the first star to the right and straight on till morning light .. yeh kinda corney but fitting as we sent him off ( he was a peter pan sorta guy so he would have gotten that idea and been pleased )

anyways the newest star wars movie just came out .. he and I had always gone to see them so I took a small baggie of his ashes with me and we saw it together .. bittersweet of course but yanno that was what worked for me ..
That's beautiful, love it...and can see it. Thanks for a great idea.
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Old 12-21-2015, 12:18 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,224 posts, read 2,042,478 times
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An elderly cousin died this year. She and my mother sort of grew up together and are/were the last of that generation. The cousin had no other close relatives. She and my mother were in close touch as long as they were able to be. She was 99. For some reason, she specified to the person handling her affairs that my Mom and us were not to be told when she died. We found out when our birthday cards to her were returned. She also specified that no one was to know what happened to her body after she died, and that there was to be no announcement/notice or memorial service. We were not allowed to know her date of death. Rumor is she left whatever money was left to her CCRC, and donated her body to science.

TBH I thought it was a mean and selfish thing she did to those of us surviving. For a while I considered hiring a private detective to find out if there was something wrong about her death. Periodically, I Google her to see if I can find any details.

It seems to me that since the memorials, etc. are more for the survivors, we should probably not specify too precisely what we do or do not want.
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Old 12-21-2015, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,007,999 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
It seems to me that since the memorials, etc. are more for the survivors, we should probably not specify too precisely what we do or do not want.
I certainly agree with this but do wonder about it also having to do with the one who dies. Knowing that there will be some kind of service, esp if one is not religious, may bring comfort to those who die and they may want to have a hand in it. Left to one of my sisters, the music would be Metallica. Not my style, or the style of most others in the family. If I do ask for a memorial, I may only go so far as to request the kind of music. But then, those attending may not like it. So maybe you're right, leave it all to them!
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Old 12-21-2015, 02:15 PM
 
4,349 posts, read 6,069,498 times
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I'm not interested in how my memorial goes. I've written an obit for myself and husband because his military past is complicated, I've requested cremation and a final resting place at the local national cemetery. Anything they do after we're gone is a reflection on them and not us. Besides, planning a memorial reeks a little of control from the grave. I want my loved ones to do what brings them comfort. At some point it ceases to be about me.
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Old 12-21-2015, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Kalamalka Lake, B.C.
3,044 posts, read 4,024,353 times
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We have two LA Rose Lawn plots, as dad wanted his ashes dusted over the Azaleas. Mom's still with us but I think she wants the same thing.

I know for a fact that at least five people will show up at mine; the five that owe me money, and want to make sure they don't have to pay it back.
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