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Old 12-21-2015, 10:52 AM
 
1,039 posts, read 774,385 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I have been told that moving closer to your kids in retirement is not good . we are about 10 yrs away from retirement and we are thinking about moving closer to my daughter . I know when we sell this house we will get a good profit and will most likely buy a condo close to shopping and close to my daughter so that she can help us , should we need it and she has already offered as such since she does not plan on leaving where she is at ever . But some folks are telling me that this is a bad idea , they think you should not rely on anyone for help in retirement . Do any of you feel the same way ? my daughter is not married and does not plan on marrying at her age . But she does have two daughters . I do plan on moving close to shopping so that one of us can walk in case we are no longer able to drive . My grandmother used to stress having a plan for the future and 10 yrs will pass before you know it . I'm just wondering if anyone else feels moving close to their kids and grandkids in retirement is a bad idea ?
why did you kids move away from you in the first place?
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,910 posts, read 4,644,145 times
Reputation: 6247
I have retired friends that have all chosen differently.

1) My own parents stayed in their local area, but went an hour west. Now they are 1 hour from my sister's family, versus 20 minutes. They remain 6-7 hours away from my family and me.

2) A former co-worker retired and stayed put - but their whole family is local, so that made sense to them.

3) A family friend and her husband retired to another state and are now smack dab in the middle of the country so that ALL their kids (they have 9 of them) and grandkids (they have 30+ of them - so far) are relatively equidistant from where they live.

4) A former neighbor retired to the town where her son and his family live, so that they can be near the grandkids and help care for the same while the son and his wife work.

5) Another family member moved from the East Coast to the West Coast and one of their kids followed a couple years later. The other child remains on the East Coast with no plans to move west.

All this is to say that there is no one right or wrong answer. For instance, what works for Family #2 wouldn't work for Family #3. Do what feels right for you and your family - don't let someone else's opinion (based on their own experience - not yours) dictate your decision!

Me personally, I wouldn't want to live near my parents, and they don't want to live near me. But I think I would LOVE to live near my kids, so I can have proximity to any possible grandkids. I had such a great relationship with my grandmother, and I'm really looking forward to cultivating that kind of multigenerational relationship with my own grandkids when that time comes.
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:12 AM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,185 posts, read 1,340,059 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl View Post


Me personally, I wouldn't want to live near my parents, and they don't want to live near me. But I think I would LOVE to live near my kids, so I can have proximity to any possible grandkids. I had such a great relationship with my grandmother, and I'm really looking forward to cultivating that kind of multigenerational relationship with my own grandkids when that time comes.
That sounds a bit strange to me. You want for yourself what you won't give to your own parents (and your own kids relationship to their grandparents). Remember that your kids and grandkids will see your attitude towards your own parents, and they will think that is normal. They may not want to live near you! Then what?

Even if your relationship with your parents is strained (for whatever reason), don't you think your own kids deserve to know their grandparents?
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:43 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,684,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
they think you should not rely on anyone for help in retirement

I agree. Take care of yourself, and leave your children out of it. If they want to help you, they can make strides to do so. I would never burden my children with my needs. If I start needing help, I'll move into a retirement village with assistance.

Last edited by convextech; 12-21-2015 at 11:57 AM..
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:51 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,684,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I'm selfish cause I want to be by my daughter ? wow just wow .

You specifically stated you wanted her to take care of you. That is selfish.
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Old 12-21-2015, 12:18 PM
 
1,614 posts, read 1,216,599 times
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Kids can know their grandparents without their mother taking over responsibility that her own mother doesn't want to do. Give the woman a break she has her own household to run. If you nay sayers are talking about something you have not yourself experienced then back off. If you have experienced this then that's your fault for getting drug into it. I had a large family who were all available to do for our mother when she started into dementia and Alzheimer's. That included the extended family. She ended up in a care facility. Help is there for those who don't have the assistance that our family had. She has been there for her parents but isn't going to allow her mother to shirk her responsibility and lay it all on her. If her mother needs a break believe even hospice care can keep him for a week. One needs to call the organization's and find out what is available to these families. There is even free medications if income is low. My mother had to see a psychiatrist just to receive free medication which worked well for her. When my father had a near fatal stroke she had to take off work to care for him and eventually had to put him in the VA center where she visited daily for months and took him his home cooked lunch. That's what partners do for one another.
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Old 12-21-2015, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Florida -
8,760 posts, read 10,832,098 times
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So, you are asking about the wisdom of moving near your daughter/grandkids ... TEN years from now?? Have you factored-in exactly what will change over the next ten years?

BTW, we moved closer to our daughter/grandkids after retirement, 5-years ago, and it's worked out fine, except, it's difficult after retirement to get re-established in a new area.
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Old 12-21-2015, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,534,193 times
Reputation: 16771
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
That sounds a bit strange to me. You want for yourself what you won't give to your own parents (and your own kids relationship to their grandparents). Remember that your kids and grandkids will see your attitude towards your own parents, and they will think that is normal. They may not want to live near you! Then what?

Even if your relationship with your parents is strained (for whatever reason), don't you think your own kids deserve to know their grandparents?
This is all good and well, but your kids have things like jobs and their spouse's needs to concern them too. My son moved to Utah. I have NO desire to live in Utah. But he found a good job there, likes it and wants to stay. I moved because California was way too expensive, but before he did.

I want my son to be successful in life and that includes having a job which pays the bills. When its tough to find one, you go where you have to. I needed a place I could afford. I took steps for my own well being. I'd love it if we could be closer, but I also love that he's striking out on his own and achieving his own success. Our goals should not be that we hang on to a teather to our kids, but that they have the knowledge and confidence to explore and find their own success.

The truth is that sometimes families can be *too* close, and when they are its too limiting. A child should not fear setting forth on their own path because mom and dad will be distant. A mom and dad should not hold on and guilt them if they choose to.

Love is also about setting them free, be it parent or child.
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Old 12-21-2015, 04:41 PM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 10,133,940 times
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What you decide to do today may be far different in ten years. Yes, it passes quickly, but a lot can happen in ten years. It doesn't hurt to have a plan, but keep in mind it isn't set in concrete.
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Old 12-21-2015, 05:59 PM
 
11,929 posts, read 20,376,242 times
Reputation: 19328
Phonelady -- pure and simple, if I had listened to all those people who say things like they are rules.... I wouldn't have my home, I would be divorced, I'd be poor and I'd be miserable.


Yeah -- my opinion is this -- stop listening to people!


Honestly -- so many of these mantras are just noise.
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