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Old 01-10-2016, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
22,061 posts, read 14,493,357 times
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This is a response to the idea of being close to adult children so they can help you if needed. Sometimes it isn't about needing help, as it is being involved in their lives. We lived apart from our adult kids for several years. At first it was OK, and then I got lonely for them. I missed them, and they indicated they missed me. The important thing is that proximity means that I can be there for birthdays and holidays, for my grands and for my kids.

And if DH or I is ever hospitalized, it isn't so much about being helped, as it is about being close. If we are seriously ill, only one of our three adult children would have to get on an airplane to see us. And vice versa! I've already had the experience of feeling horribly separated from one adult child who became seriously ill for a short time. I was half a continent away.

However, each family has to decide these things for itself. If the grown kids are remote and indifferent, then I wouldn't move closer. If an adult kid or spouse is career driven, and likely to move every few years, then why would one move closer only to be left hanging later? In my view there is no "rule." Decide for yourself what the best course is.
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Old 01-11-2016, 08:52 PM
 
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Our parents moved away and when they got in their 70s they needed to be closer because mainly, we all had to take time off from work to help out, drive 4 hours, etc. we lucked out and found them a very nice place close by that made all of our lives easier. They were able to have a few good years in the mountains, without their family though. So asking them to come back was an easy solution to the aging process.

And on the last note, I have promised my kids that I will make sure that I have enough money in retirement to hire outsourced care, so I can enjoy my family's visits in the final years rather than causing turmoil and exhaustion in their lives.

Right now we are transitioning a move to be closer to our only grandaughter. But never would I depend on my kids to take care of me. I agree with silibran, I miss being part of my grand child's life. No worries though, it's too expensive to live within an hour of them ..... Perfect! I can be a part without being a PIA, lol.
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Old 01-12-2016, 07:42 AM
 
29,902 posts, read 34,951,892 times
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Do you want to live close to your kids so they can take care of you or visit you and you visit them. For us in our medically needy years we want to be reasonably close to kids so they can visit. Being taken care of is a primary self responsibility for us.
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Old 01-12-2016, 11:10 PM
 
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Kids are so busy with their jobs and family, how on earth would they find time to be caretakers?
My sister and I had some real problems caring for our parents. Exhausting, emotionally draining.

My suggestion is to sit down and rethink the scenarios of just how much time your family has to care for you or your parents, how much stress it can cause, and how you want to be remembered. I still get a knot in my gut when thinking how hard it was for sis and I.

Just try to realize that the percentage of people who die in their sleep is very low. Most having months or even years of emergency care, illness and disabilities that even very strong people can't manage. If you plan on caring for your parents, you might want to start lifting weights right now...oh...and getting extra sleep too. It ages you, believe me.
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Old 01-13-2016, 12:10 AM
 
10,827 posts, read 8,094,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
Do you want to live close to your kids so they can take care of you or visit you and you visit them. For us in our medically needy years we want to be reasonably close to kids so they can visit. Being taken care of is a primary self responsibility for us.
Yep.
On the other hand if we end up in a place our kids don't mind visiting then that's a win.
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Old 01-13-2016, 04:57 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,785,397 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PeaceOwl View Post
..................................
Just try to realize that the percentage of people who die in their sleep is very low. Most having months or even years of emergency care, illness and disabilities that even very strong people can't manage. ...........
Source for that information?
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