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Old 02-26-2016, 09:31 AM
 
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Robyn, your point are all valid and like you at age 68 it is long term consideration and not decision making time. For us it is most helpful in reminding us how expensive aging can be and that we need to keep growing wealth so when we get there we have the full range of options.
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Old 02-26-2016, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
Robyn, your point are all valid and like you at age 68 it is long term consideration and not decision making time. For us it is most helpful in reminding us how expensive aging can be and that we need to keep growing wealth so when we get there we have the full range of options.
And I also look at our parents. Our late mothers died in their single family houses (ages 79 and 84). My late FIL went straight from his single family house to a SNF in his early 80's after a stroke. My father didn't move out of his single family house until he was about 87 (after my mother died). And then he moved into his independent living rental. I don't think it would have made any sense for him to buy into a CCRC at age 87 (even if he could have qualified). I don't know what the heck I'd do if my husband died when I was 80 (if I live that long). Maybe move into a Brookdale rental in Beverly Hills . I know I wouldn't move into any of the local CCRCs here. And I don't know what he'd do if I predecease him. Robyn
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Old 02-26-2016, 07:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
And I also look at our parents. Our late mothers died in their single family houses (ages 79 and 84). My late FIL went straight from his single family house to a SNF in his early 80's after a stroke. My father didn't move out of his single family house until he was about 87 (after my mother died). And then he moved into his independent living rental. I don't think it would have made any sense for him to buy into a CCRC at age 87 (even if he could have qualified). I don't know what the heck I'd do if my husband died when I was 80 (if I live that long). Maybe move into a Brookdale rental in Beverly Hills . I know I wouldn't move into any of the local CCRCs here. And I don't know what he'd do if I predecease him. Robyn
What you do know is that you have taken the steps to be able to afford the full range of options available. That to me is the important part of visualizing and costing the various options. I think one of the mistakes folks our age make is that all to often they don't weigh current financial decisions in the context of the opportunity/trade off cost down the road. That can easily be seen in the many discussions about something as simple as when to take SS benefits.
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Old 02-26-2016, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
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Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
What you do know is that you have taken the steps to be able to afford the full range of options available. That to me is the important part of visualizing and costing the various options. I think one of the mistakes folks our age make is that all to often they don't weigh current financial decisions in the context of the opportunity/trade off cost down the road. That can easily be seen in the many discussions about something as simple as when to take SS benefits.
One of the tougher conversations for a couple to have is how one plans on doing things without the other. Some are afraid the other person will say dance.........LOL
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Old 02-27-2016, 05:29 AM
 
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I am getting a note that says i can canvas the local college if i need another wife to look after me lol
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Old 02-27-2016, 08:20 AM
 
29,912 posts, read 34,981,661 times
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Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
One of the tougher conversations for a couple to have is how one plans on doing things without the other. Some are afraid the other person will say dance.........LOL
We have and continue to have that conversation and part of our research and visits are to help guide the discussion about our future and shared and after one has passed. My wife if the survivor intends to stay in place for a year so her decision isn't clouded by emotions. For me I will stay in place, not sure for how long. The survivor will be well situated to do whatever they want and hopefully will with time know what that is and where. The where is the tough part as quality options tend to be concentrated and available everywhere. As Robyn notes making a move as a couple to a CCRC could lock the survivor into that option. However the newer pay as you go models enable you to not be locked in and that is part of their appeal. As you note it is discussion that could be a challenge and my thinking is that it is best started well before need and before retirement.
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Old 02-27-2016, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
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Some 5 years ago my wife and I relocated and one of our decisions on the the type home to buy was what happens when there is only one of us left. This influenced us to buy a place roomy enough for two but manageable for one thus 1500sq ft. Buy new so no repairs in the short term. Typical new homes do not need any repairs/replacements in the 1st 8 years. Buy a home where the HOA does all outside maintenance which means landscaping and external house repairs.

Bottom line is the conversation of what happens when one is the one left need to begin ASAP.

Last edited by johngolf; 02-27-2016 at 10:08 AM..
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Old 02-27-2016, 10:05 AM
 
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We sold the bigger house and bought a smaller house too, and I've also had conversations with my husband about what to do in the event of my death. I've left him out of my plans in the event of his death since he really isn't interested in that type of planning. However, despite all of my plans, I can't do anything for him after I am dead. I've written everything down in a book... but who is going to read the book?

His memory is failing, neither of us have children or relatives to care for us. It's been a concern as to what does the survivor do when he/she is too old to care for her/himself (regardless of what age that turns out to be). It's one of the reasons I like the idea of a CCRC because there will be someone there to say "OK, it's time to move you into the memory care center". But then it brings up the question of what age should I move us into one so that I am sure we are both where we will need to be in the event of being widowed. Not everyone has warning through a long illness. For some of us we became widowed or infirm in seconds.
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Old 02-27-2016, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
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Looking

When there were two of us and in our early 70's, we started to casually look at CCRC's with my main concern being for my wife if I died. The reason being was she was ill. Mentally she was all there and she was in no pain nor sickness but weakening due to her illness (lung cancer). I had made no decisions but we were making plans to visit a few and discuss the nitty gritty. As fate would have it, she died quietly and peacefully in her sleep one evening.

For a period of time I was still interested in CCRC's but as I am in good health (physically and mentally), I decided the time was not right for me (age 74) for such an arrangement. I have not discounted a CCRC for myself eventually but I do not see the need for such at this time. I own everything and I owe no money so my cost of living is quite manageable thus along with my health, the needs and economics of a CCRC do not presently work for me.

The one thing I learned and am learning is when there is only one of you that things change even more so than one would believe. Your thinking, beliefs, plans, learning have got to change to what I have said before is me...me...me. There is no us anymore.
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Old 02-27-2016, 11:03 AM
 
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Johngolf,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences.

I am in my 50's. When I was much younger our car was hit by a drunk driver. It killed my husband and our baby. I was near death and it took about a decade to put me back together between all of the surgeries, medicines, and therapies I needed. The accident was over in seconds. The results will last my lifetime. I know first-hand of the changes that happen through life and through death. I also know that early in grief our focus is more on the immediate and less on the future. Give yourself time to heal.

My personal experiences have taught me that I can plan the best that I can, but I can never plan for everything. Some things are outside of my ability to control. I fear being trapped inside myself. For me it was a terrible way to live, unable to do for myself what was needed on a very basic level. I would much rather know that even if I never need the help... it will be there... just in case.

Wishing you peace in your journey.
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