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Old 12-28-2015, 03:20 PM
 
2,927 posts, read 3,051,171 times
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Don't worry, after a couple of years your wife will tell you to "Go get a hobby, just get out of the house" !!!
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Old 12-28-2015, 03:34 PM
 
634 posts, read 403,673 times
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My husband and I used to do "lay"marriage counseling. I would suggest that you and your wife make a list, at least 200 activities long [ lplenty of ideas online] of potential shared activities. Put down everything, from learning stained glass, to parachuting, to square dancing, to photography, to Cantonese cooking, to whatever. You and your wife can individually rate interest in the activities on a score of one to five. Pick a few you both rated high on and then do them.


Also, work together on something bigger than yourselves that you can do together [ find and then save the pink striped Australian unicorn?]


Figure out your space needs and share them. Make a list of all of the wonderful qualities your wife possesses [ she has put up with you for all these years. that is one right there]


I wonder if you might be depressed. Maybe you could get some help with that.
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Old 12-28-2015, 03:37 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 808,064 times
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1. DH still works full time.

2. We have 23 acres, horses, and outbuildings (along with the house) to maintain.

3. He has raced NHRA his entire life. He has a bracket racer he has re-built 3 times in ten years for no more reason than he wants it to go "a little faster". He does all of his own mechanic work, which can keep him sequestered in the work shop for entire weekends

He is a Hypertensive Type A, I am a walk silent carry a big gun, Type B. Without any or all of the above, There would have been a big lot of trouble in River City, lollol
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Old 12-28-2015, 04:08 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,579,794 times
Reputation: 3810
Go in a room and put out the do not disturb sign. Or else
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Old 12-28-2015, 04:26 PM
 
4,481 posts, read 4,743,078 times
Reputation: 9940
Quote:
Originally Posted by old tired and angry View Post
If so those people who responded have moved on and it would be better to get a new 2015 response.


Actually, that is not true. The treads I am talking about were with in the last 8 months or so. But people tend to prefer to repeat themselves.
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Old 12-28-2015, 06:03 PM
 
Location: Seattle Area
1,716 posts, read 1,588,112 times
Reputation: 4125
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
Actually, that is not true. The treads I am talking about were with in the last 8 months or so. But people tend to prefer to repeat themselves.
Who cares? It doenst hurt anything and it attracts new readers and new comments. I enjoyed reading the post and never would have gone back and searched it. Or maybe you were showing him how he could spend his time by needlessly nitpicking other peoples threads on CL? You know the ones where you have nothing to add?
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Old 12-28-2015, 06:18 PM
 
29,779 posts, read 34,867,277 times
Reputation: 11705
Quote:
Originally Posted by old tired and angry View Post
Back when I was young, energetic and happy, I worked 12 hours a day six days a week. I spent lots of time with friends and family and got involved in many church and community activities. I did not see all that much of my wife because we were each doing our own thing.

Now that we are retired, we get on each others nerves and see too much of each other. I have solved that problem somewhat by moving down to my man cave when I want to be alone but that is just not doing the trick.

So, how do you get your own space and not get on your spouses nerves when you first retire and are home alot more?
If you are alone in your man cave and don't have your own space, something else is going on. Isn't that like saying you get on your own nerves?
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Old 12-28-2015, 06:20 PM
 
4,343 posts, read 6,057,486 times
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I think it's important to have separate interests. When he goes off to golf or yoga it's my Ahhh moment. I love my alone time. When I'm off with my girlfriends, I'm sure it's peaceful for him. We do a lot together, travel, day trips, dining out, grandkids, watching cable tv, etc, but we have our alone spaces. We've got a tri-level townhouse and we use all 3 levels.
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Old 12-28-2015, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,395 posts, read 9,143,473 times
Reputation: 13031
Quote:
Originally Posted by old tired and angry View Post
Back when I was young, energetic and happy, I worked 12 hours a day six days a week. I spent lots of time with friends and family and got involved in many church and community activities. I did not see all that much of my wife because we were each doing our own thing.

Now that we are retired, we get on each others nerves and see too much of each other. I have solved that problem somewhat by moving down to my man cave when I want to be alone but that is just not doing the trick.

So, how do you get your own space and not get on your spouses nerves when you first retire and are home alot more?
So you were a workaholic, ignored your wife for all those years and now you have a situation.

I would seek marriage counseling and maybe you guys will still be married in three years.

Mrs5150 and I have always had a balance of being together (note the aforementioned phrase) and doing things separate. We are comfortable with each other and can sit in the same room for hours saying a little and still feel connected. Just how we are.

Your OP was quite telling. Married for years without having a relationship. Living two separate lives. Mrs5150 and I skied together today. A common interest. She paints and I practice the Mandolin in the same house at the same time. We talk a bit and then do our hobbies.
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Old 12-28-2015, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
3,616 posts, read 1,629,175 times
Reputation: 6133
The owner of a company we bought was an awesome engineer. He built a company up and sold it for a fantastic amount of money that had lead the region in new developments for decades. Upon retirement, he did what he'd always done. Went home to his wife and came up with a handy list of 50 or so things she could do to make her tasks more efficient.

That obviously didn't go so well.

So his accountant told him to rent a warehouse space with an office. When he asked why he would waste so much money just to store a few toys his accountant told him it was cheaper than a divorce. So he rented the space and still goes to work, though with little to do each day.

Retire from the hassle, not going to do something each day. If you've had a great low contact marriage for years, find someplace to tinker...even if it's out of the house, with a club or a hobby.
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