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Old 12-31-2015, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Jamestown, NY
7,841 posts, read 7,333,167 times
Reputation: 13779

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150 View Post
So you were a workaholic, ignored your wife for all those years and now you have a situation.

I would seek marriage counseling and maybe you guys will still be married in three years.

Mrs5150 and I have always had a balance of being together (note the aforementioned phrase) and doing things separate. We are comfortable with each other and can sit in the same room for hours saying a little and still feel connected. Just how we are.

Your OP was quite telling. Married for years without having a relationship. Living two separate lives. Mrs5150 and I skied together today. A common interest. She paints and I practice the Mandolin in the same house at the same time. We talk a bit and then do our hobbies.

BINGO!!! Something tells me that if you and Mrs5150 don't get to celebrate your golden wedding anniversary, it won't be because you got divorced!!!
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Old 12-31-2015, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Jamestown, NY
7,841 posts, read 7,333,167 times
Reputation: 13779
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar View Post
filling out another profile so he can create a new batch of posts under a new username
bingo!!!
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Old 12-31-2015, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,785 posts, read 4,841,461 times
Reputation: 19463
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
I can't help ya. I can never get enough of my wife.
+++++2 for you!!!!
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,785 posts, read 4,841,461 times
Reputation: 19463
Quote:
Originally Posted by old tired and angry View Post
The thing I hate most about my wife and I both being retired now is she seems to like to monitor my comings and goings. I was retired for a couple of years where she was still working and I loved the freedom to come and go on my own with no explaination. Now its: Where are you going? When are you coming back? OMG!
Having someone who cares about you... "OMG", how awful that must be for you.

I think it's perfectly normal to ask these questions. She's thinking something like ... "If he's going to the store I have a few items to add to the list", or "I wonder if I should hold up on starting dinner so it will be hot and ready when he gets home", or "How long should I wait before checking with the hospital to see if he's been in a car accident?"

If you're not wanting to answer a normal question, it's probably because you're going somewhere you think she might not approve or for a length of time you think she won't appreciate. Otherwise what's the big deal about it? You can prevent these questions by simply stating as you walk to the door "I'm going over to Fred's and we're going to drink beer in the garage for a few hours. I'll be home late, so go ahead and eat without me". Or "I'm going to wander the aisles at Home Depot for awhile, do you need me to pick anything up for you?" Just common courtesy really.
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:11 AM
 
Location: In a vehicle.
5,030 posts, read 3,218,948 times
Reputation: 8217
Quote:
Originally Posted by old tired and angry View Post
Back when I was young, energetic and happy, I worked 12 hours a day six days a week. I spent lots of time with friends and family and got involved in many church and community activities. I did not see all that much of my wife because we were each doing our own thing.

Now that we are retired, we get on each others nerves and see too much of each other. I have solved that problem somewhat by moving down to my man cave when I want to be alone but that is just not doing the trick.

So, how do you get your own space and not get on your spouses nerves when you first retire and are home alot more?
I recently spoke with my co-worker on just THIS subject. She said "When I retired, I didn't realize what a jerk my husband could be, till I was spending 24/7 near him. THAT'S why I went back to work"


So much for wedded bliss

Glad I stayed single then...
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Old 12-31-2015, 09:28 AM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12831
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disgustedman View Post
I recently spoke with my co-worker on just THIS subject. She said "When I retired, I didn't realize what a jerk my husband could be, till I was spending 24/7 near him. THAT'S why I went back to work"


So much for wedded bliss

Glad I stayed single then...
This jerk thing - that was one of the things I liked about my "roommate". He could get things done! Some might say he acted like a jerk. It was okay until some of that behavior turned back on me. He is like a madman when he is doing the yard. Why do I have this blah, blah, blah, here in "this" location. Do I ask him why he has whatever in the bathroom? No.

Then a million questions while he is out there doing something. If I take on a project - I don't need to ask him anything. It is my project. I am responsible for it. I have hired people to do the yard, but no matter, he finds some fault in it. Why can't he just relax and enjoy life?

Asking me if I have seen "this"? No, but have you seen my tampons? Gee - why would I know where one of his flat tip screwdrivers is hiding? The man lost three sets of keys in one day!

It is little things like this that add up.
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:07 PM
 
7,185 posts, read 2,756,317 times
Reputation: 3172
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo48 View Post
Find a hobby that you can enjoy with just your buddies, which your wife HATES. Satisfy both you, and your wife, for a few hours, perhaps even every day or two?

We aren't retired yet, but have been doing this for 41 years. Yes, go play golf. Yes, go shooting at the range. Yes, go to LOWES (he can spend HOURS there).
And, by all means... go to Lowes by yourself. You don't need a spouse along for the ride e v e r y s i n g l e t i m e!
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:12 PM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12831
Quote:
Originally Posted by kat in aiken View Post
And, by all means... go to Lowes by yourself. You don't need a spouse along for the ride e v e r y s i n g l e t i m e!
What if the wife likes doing those things? I liked to golf, shoot and loved Lowes.

So, find something that the other half does not like if you want to be "alone".
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:35 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,842 posts, read 18,867,840 times
Reputation: 33748
As for asking where you are going and when you'll be coming back, my husband TELLS me. I don't have to ask. He'll say, "Going to CVS to get .... --will be back soon" or "Going golfing now, will be back by dinner." That's after he already told me he'd be golfing that day, so I already knew in general.

That way I know what to expect, can plan my time better, will not worry about him. It's just common courtesy. If you don't want to interact with anyone, you shouldn't be married.

We live in a boring town but we both have our own interests and don't get on each other's nerves in the house. He can putter around in the basement or take the dog for a long walk while I might be baking muffins. Or he might be cooking while I go shopping. We often sit in the same room, both working on our laptops or watching tv. It's not a problem because we love and respect each other.
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Old 12-31-2015, 03:30 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,492,863 times
Reputation: 29076
Default How do get your space as a retired married couple?

Elementary! We respect one another's.
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