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Old 01-07-2016, 08:17 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,353 posts, read 7,837,621 times
Reputation: 18590

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Quote:
Originally Posted by elliotgb View Post
If he's abusive, he will track her down no matter where she goes and in the process affect your well being and sense of security. It's nice to help, but this seems like interference and probably would be seen as such by the spouse.

Best of luck with whatever you do!

Count on it.
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:31 AM
 
2,635 posts, read 3,380,228 times
Reputation: 6975
It's really sad to see how everyone is telling you to run clear away from this woman in need, with almost no details of her or her life.

I'm pretty shocked by the responses.

If this is typical, no wonder many women feel they have little support and options when "friends" don't even want to be friends with them.

You're just talking about having her come on a short trip with you, right?
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:36 AM
 
6,334 posts, read 5,072,656 times
Reputation: 12880
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfcambridge View Post
It's really sad to see how everyone is telling you to run clear away from this woman in need, with almost no details of her or her life.

I'm pretty shocked by the responses.

If this is typical, no wonder many women feel they have little support and options when "friends" don't even want to be friends with them.

You're just talking about having her come on a short trip with you, right?
I believe he is moving there, so she would be moving there also.
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:37 AM
 
6,334 posts, read 5,072,656 times
Reputation: 12880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I believe he is moving there, so she would be moving there also.
oh wait, maybe it is just for the trip to check out a place to relocate. So I guess giving her a few days vacation might be nice.
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Connecticut is my adopted home.
2,277 posts, read 3,083,028 times
Reputation: 7018
You're just talking about having her come on a short trip with you, right?

I wouldn't consider a road trip from Minnesota to the east coast and return a short trip. Bottom line we are all telling the OP to exercise caution and do some very clear thinking about the invitation before extending it, not to "run away". I'm pretty sure most of us are the voice of experience speaking. It's only fair to both parties that the OP doesn't get in for a penny and not be willing to get in for the pound without clear communication. Getting involved with a troubled adult requires clear thinking and clear boundaries. The last sentence of the original post told me that it was emotion wanting to make the offer not sound reasoning. It's very kind to consider it but the OP has to be realistic about the end game. IOW how involved can the OP reasonably get and will the recipient of the kindness really benefit or would there be unintended consequences?

We are presently helping a woman who was the victim of domestic abuse. Her leg was badly broken. It had to be put back together surgically and she can't weight bear right now plus she has had a couple of complications. She has no money and no health insurance. She is estranged from family and has no real friends. The friends that she did have couldn't be bothered to take her home from the hospital or help in any real way since. A group of fellow vendors have patched together a network of bare bones help to get her through this period until she can get on her feet literally. I'm one of those people. My help has an end though. I can't get involved other than this because she is so dysfunctional as to make me crazy. She has never really extended real friendship to me as ours is a business relationship. She's a hoarder, the house which is falling apart consists of paths through junk reeking of cigarette smoke and mildew, she won't help herself, won't take advice, medical or otherwise. She is a black hole of need but I can't fix that. I will help get her over the hump with the other women but my involvement is limited and I am clear on that point.

When you get involved with a troubled adult it's risky business. We are all just asking the OP to think ahead.

Last edited by AK-Cathy; 01-07-2016 at 09:23 AM..
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Old 01-07-2016, 09:17 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,764 posts, read 7,833,354 times
Reputation: 13083
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
Unfortunately, women who put up with abusers are drama vortexes. It's not like they picked out a dress they later decided they don't like, and take back. They don't just hang up the victim mentality and move on. When their lives become drama-free, even for a short time, they feel "wrong." They simultaneously hate and thrive on drama.

Wow, this is so not true. I was in an abusive relationship for 15 years; this post insults me.
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Old 01-07-2016, 10:42 AM
 
635 posts, read 406,021 times
Reputation: 3615
Fix Terrier, I wanted to rep you but I guess you are already too popular in my book. I believe that we are here to serve and care for others. it seems too many people are looking for excuses not to. It has reached a point where people who need our help are actually demonized for their situation. If I were in an abusive relationship, a week away from the situation with a wonderful person like Meo might be just what I needed to relax and feel worthy enough to see what options and assistance are available.


I am not Christian but find incredible examples of giving in the bible, such as the good Samaritan. One of the first questions in the bible was 'Am I my brothers keeper?" The implied answer, I believe, was yes.
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Old 01-07-2016, 10:59 AM
 
Location: In a vehicle.
5,052 posts, read 3,225,732 times
Reputation: 8227
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
I do pray & actually had a dream which woke me up about what could happen. (Thanks everyone).

I know I can't fix everyone's problems & I think the best thing to do is just keep in touch & let her know I'm there if she needs me. In the meantime I'll just keep being a friend.
Smart move....
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Old 01-07-2016, 11:50 AM
 
4,490 posts, read 4,751,034 times
Reputation: 9972
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fox Terrier View Post
Wow, this is so not true. I was in an abusive relationship for 15 years; this post insults me.

Was this directed at you? Is your name on it or is it just an opinion? The post, not directed at you ... insults you? That's a bit dramatic. Just my opinion.
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Old 01-07-2016, 12:05 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,764 posts, read 7,833,354 times
Reputation: 13083
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
Was this directed at you? Is your name on it or is it just an opinion? The post, not directed at you ... insults you? That's a bit dramatic. Just my opinion.
Yes, it was directed at me.

The poster stated that ALL abused women have the same characteristics. She did not say 'some'. Go back and read it.

/
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