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Old 01-06-2016, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,976 posts, read 3,462,838 times
Reputation: 10504

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As I've stated, I am planning on checking out places in Knoxville & the tri state area. I really hope I fall in love with your area.

I was discussing it with a young friend, who has a host of problems, abusive husband. She works at the mini-Mart & used to work at walmart. It's a small town & jobs are scarce.

Okay, I'm trying not to to borrow trouble, but I am thinking of inviting her to come along on the ride.

I get so emotional about those in need.
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Old 01-06-2016, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Connecticut is my adopted home.
2,277 posts, read 3,080,661 times
Reputation: 7018
Beware. It's a lovely impulse but really think this through.
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Old 01-06-2016, 08:58 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,435 posts, read 1,671,079 times
Reputation: 8704
One of the stupidest nice things I ever did was help a young co-worker move out of her apartment with an abusive SO. I am glad I did it, but I'm also lucky I wasn't hurt.

Be careful of positioning yourself between a friend and a mentally unstable person. The abuser may see it as interference or thwarting them and turn their wrath on you instead. Tread carefully.

Last edited by jean_ji; 01-06-2016 at 09:23 PM..
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Old 01-06-2016, 10:26 PM
 
718 posts, read 603,886 times
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Do you pray Meo? Not to get all personal, but if you do, send prayers for her protection but really think through the getting more involved on a personal basis.

You have a lovely heart.
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Old 01-06-2016, 10:58 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,110 posts, read 22,978,628 times
Reputation: 35305
Well, you can buy her a cup of coffee and lend an ear, but just picture a road trip gone bad and now you're stuck with her.

Picture her in your car having loud arguments on her phone most of the way... and crying about what they argued about the rest of the way.

Just one example. You're going to need to concentrate on learning what you need to learn about relocating your life. And she will be a very big distraction, at the very least.

Unfortunately, women who put up with abusers are drama vortexes. It's not like they picked out a dress they later decided they don't like, and take back. They don't just hang up the victim mentality and move on. When their lives become drama-free, even for a short time, they feel "wrong." They simultaneously hate and thrive on drama.

I know this first-hand. We can feel sorry for them, pray for them, but if you hang around them, they will suck you down into their dark place.

Don't take that with you on your trip, is my advice. Or let it into your life in a way that could end up with you being her regular savior.
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Old 01-07-2016, 12:00 AM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,976 posts, read 3,462,838 times
Reputation: 10504
I do pray & actually had a dream which woke me up about what could happen. (Thanks everyone).

I know I can't fix everyone's problems & I think the best thing to do is just keep in touch & let her know I'm there if she needs me. In the meantime I'll just keep being a friend.
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Old 01-07-2016, 06:39 AM
 
761 posts, read 638,772 times
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If he's abusive, he will track her down no matter where she goes and in the process affect your well being and sense of security. It's nice to help, but this seems like interference and probably would be seen as such by the spouse.

Best of luck with whatever you do!
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Old 01-07-2016, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Eastern Tennessee
2,535 posts, read 1,830,003 times
Reputation: 6641
It's nice that you are empathetic but I see a great potential for this becoming a problematic issue for you. Be very careful.
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Old 01-07-2016, 07:21 AM
 
4,481 posts, read 4,745,031 times
Reputation: 9941
You can also get replies if you post on the "Non-romantic Relationship" forum. Just a thought. This is just an issue not necessarily a retirment one.
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:01 AM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12832
I had a downstairs neighbor once that had all kinds of problems.

She was going to be evicted and I almost took her in. We discussed renting a house together. Something held me back. Someone else gave her shelter.

She had lots of family in the area, so I wondered why they wouldn't step in to help.
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