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Old 01-08-2016, 04:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
How old are you? And how old are you biscuitmom?
I'm 67, DH turns 65 soon. We hope it'll be 10-15 years before we need a senior facility.
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Old 01-08-2016, 07:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
I really think it depends on first - what you're looking for? I am not only married - but am in general a pretty solitary person. I would prefer watching cooking shows on TV and playing some video games than making idle chit chat with a random assortment of strangers. If you're single - and gregarious - you might well be looking for a different living situation than one that would best suit me. FWIW - when I looked at our new local ALF - in case my father might need it - you know what would be a deal breaker for him? That it had low speed AT&T internet service (compared to his current Comcast high speed service). That is what the world is coming to .

I can tell you in general that at our ages (I'm 68 and my husband is 70) - our local CCRCs are best suited for people who are - at a minimum - in their late 70's. My father's girlfriend (she is about 82 - he is 97) moved into a senior place much younger (like early 70's) because her late husband - somewhat older than she was - had bad dementia at a pretty early age. I kind of get the impression that a fair number of people here on CD in their 50's think they'll be decrepit by the time they're 65-70. And that's simply not the case for most people these days.

How old are you? And how old are you biscuitmom?

And what things are you afraid of? If it's money (and I guess all of us worry about money at least a little no matter what our circumstances are) - well I don't think CCRCs will eliminate the need for worrying. Because - like the Vicar's Landing study you cited mentioned - the costs in CCRCs aren't fixed. Robyn

First, BM, I didn't know one may be able to make use of the activities at some CCRCs. That's a great idea.

As to my age, I'm 53.11

But, I'm a researcher at heart, in quite a geeky-obsessive way. There is beauty in a finely crafted spreadsheet - but there's just no way to do this, I'm coming to find. And frankly, I'm leaning towards just putting aside a fraction of what the estimates tell me. Hedge my bets.

What's spurred me to address this now is a move I may be making to another area, and a decision about how much house I will buy there. I'm trying to figure out if it's worth it to downsize so far as to fund eldercare (it seems, only partially) or to get the home I want. Plus, I hit the freakin' neighbor lottery here, and I want a private home next time, that isn't on top of other neighbors. That's a gamble I won't take again.

So. Buy a move-in ready house, or get a fixer again (re: surprise after surprise as I swung a hammer, opened floors, electrocuted myself, on and on; but with only one emergency room visit!) and go through all that physical and emotional work again (and maybe be miserable) to save for taking care of me in the end. And if so how much? And would I even want the existence in the end? What is that existence?

I dunno. I just don't. But I do know that my best shot at funding any such care is coming soon, and I won't have it again.

Thus, be miserable now (or soon) in a nearly in-habitable house to also be miserable later?? Or will later be okay if I suffer and save for it?

Or be happier now. And well, who knows what the future will hold?

Timing is everything. I will sell soon, and I need to come to a decision. And there you have the reason for my "youthful" research.
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Old 01-09-2016, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,950,422 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
First, BM, I didn't know one may be able to make use of the activities at some CCRCs. That's a great idea.

As to my age, I'm 53.11

But, I'm a researcher at heart, in quite a geeky-obsessive way. There is beauty in a finely crafted spreadsheet - but there's just no way to do this, I'm coming to find. And frankly, I'm leaning towards just putting aside a fraction of what the estimates tell me. Hedge my bets.

What's spurred me to address this now is a move I may be making to another area, and a decision about how much house I will buy there. I'm trying to figure out if it's worth it to downsize so far as to fund eldercare (it seems, only partially) or to get the home I want. Plus, I hit the freakin' neighbor lottery here, and I want a private home next time, that isn't on top of other neighbors. That's a gamble I won't take again.

So. Buy a move-in ready house, or get a fixer again (re: surprise after surprise as I swung a hammer, opened floors, electrocuted myself, on and on; but with only one emergency room visit!) and go through all that physical and emotional work again (and maybe be miserable) to save for taking care of me in the end. And if so how much? And would I even want the existence in the end? What is that existence?

I dunno. I just don't. But I do know that my best shot at funding any such care is coming soon, and I won't have it again.

Thus, be miserable now (or soon) in a nearly in-habitable house to also be miserable later?? Or will later be okay if I suffer and save for it?

Or be happier now. And well, who knows what the future will hold?

Timing is everything. I will sell soon, and I need to come to a decision. And there you have the reason for my "youthful" research.
53.11? That's almost a generation younger than my husband - who's 70. And - like biscuitmom - who is closer to our age - but younger - well we don't see the need for a senior type place to live for at least another 10 years or so - if that. Note that you're younger than the children of many of the people who live in these places .

Of course - if you have something like a bad stroke - or get a terrible disease (a friend our age recently died of ALS) - well then all bets are off. But there is really no way you can plan for those "one off" kind of things. And - IMO - they are more the exception than the rule in one's 50's and 60's and - even for a lot of people - their 70's.

As for the new place to live - I would definitely - no question about it - spring for the newer move-in ready house (I have never been a "fixer-upper" of "This Old House" type of person). Keeping in mind that fixer-uppers can be more expensive than newer places - depending on what needs fixing (a new A/C system or roof where I live can easily run into 5 figures). If necessary - I would trade off square feet for newer. My father - who is single - lives in a 2 bedroom/2 bath 1200 sf villa. And I think that would be enough sf for me if I were living alone. Note that when you're buying in your 50's - I would definitely go for a single story house - no stairs. Robyn
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Old 01-09-2016, 05:11 PM
 
662 posts, read 480,635 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
53.11? That's almost a generation younger than my husband - who's 70. And - like biscuitmom - who is closer to our age - but younger - well we don't see the need for a senior type place to live for at least another 10 years or so - if that. Note that you're younger than the children of many of the people who live in these places .

Of course - if you have something like a bad stroke - or get a terrible disease (a friend our age recently died of ALS) - well then all bets are off. But there is really no way you can plan for those "one off" kind of things. And - IMO - they are more the exception than the rule in one's 50's and 60's and - even for a lot of people - their 70's.

As for the new place to live - I would definitely - no question about it - spring for the newer move-in ready house (I have never been a "fixer-upper" of "This Old House" type of person). Keeping in mind that fixer-uppers can be more expensive than newer places - depending on what needs fixing (a new A/C system or roof where I live can easily run into 5 figures). If necessary - I would trade off square feet for newer. My father - who is single - lives in a 2 bedroom/2 bath 1200 sf villa. And I think that would be enough sf for me if I were living alone. Note that when you're buying in your 50's - I would definitely go for a single story house - no stairs. Robyn
Well, I'm sensible about real estate (having worked in it), and shooting for a single story - it's the quality of the neighborhood that is throwing me. I love a manicured area, but HOA's give me pause. And this is all about planning for the future, so I'm not talking about buying into some ccrc now...but seeing if I will be able to later. This is my year to decide it.

Anywho...I'll figure it out, I'm sure. Probably what I need to do is stop reading the caregiving forum. And the retirement forum, frankly.
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Old 01-09-2016, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
9,002 posts, read 7,770,007 times
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Please keep this chat alive and well. I am 73 and recently became a widower. I am healthy as a horse (knock on wood) and have enough income to afford my present life style but I have learned to be prepared for the future. I am one that would do a "death with dignity" rather than be a "basket case" but another subject.

I will be closely looking at several local CCRC's in the next few months.
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Old 01-09-2016, 05:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
why do I want to move into a CCRC? I don't like the concept of communal meals - living in a townhouse/condo type of environment - or anything like that. I might feel differently if/when I'm 80+ and a widow - but - at that point - I might have immediate need for more care in something like an ALF.

IOW - a lot of my thinking is "I'll cross whatever bridge it is when I get to it". I can't plan for future events when I have no idea what those future events might be. What is your thinking? Robyn
Deleting most of it, this aligns with my thinking.

My dad went from "at home" with his wife to a dementia ward when my stepmother could no longer handle it. He was noticeably impaired by his late-70's from vascular dementia. July 1, I moved my mom to assisted living at age 83 with classic Alzheimer's short term memory loss issues.

Given the genetics, I have to contingency plan for being unable to manage my affairs by the time I hit my late-70's/early-80's but I'm not going to let it paralyze me.

I'm doing what I can to age in place for as long as possible. Small one-level home with no stairs close to everything. Having had to unwind my mother's affairs, I'm going to have my life streamlined, documented, and on autopilot well before I hit that age.
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Old 01-09-2016, 07:24 PM
 
662 posts, read 480,635 times
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Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
I'm going to have my life streamlined, documented, and on autopilot well before I hit that age.
That, right there, is my goal. It's a PITA to tackle even now, at this early stage, so I'd like to settle as much as I can and be done with it. I don't think I can cover a worse case scenario (and I suppose that's what I've been obsessing about) but I can a middle case scenario.
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Old 01-09-2016, 09:39 PM
 
10,819 posts, read 8,077,208 times
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Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
That, right there, is my goal. It's a PITA to tackle even now, at this early stage, so I'd like to settle as much as I can and be done with it. I don't think I can cover a worse case scenario (and I suppose that's what I've been obsessing about) but I can a middle case scenario.
That's us. We don't know if we'll be able to finalize plans we've made for when we inevitably begin to physically and mentally deteriorate. Our goal is primarily to have the major decisions made so as to spare our sons from those. Hopefully the most they'll have to do is implement what we've laid out.
Both my mom and DHs mom decided, while still mentally and physically competent, that they wanted to enter particular ALC's if it came to that. And it did, for both of them. Even though we had to do all the work to get them admitted and moved in, the relief of not having to decide if or where to place them was enormous.
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Old 01-10-2016, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,950,422 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
Please keep this chat alive and well. I am 73 and recently became a widower. I am healthy as a horse (knock on wood) and have enough income to afford my present life style but I have learned to be prepared for the future. I am one that would do a "death with dignity" rather than be a "basket case" but another subject.

I will be closely looking at several local CCRC's in the next few months.
Unless you are totally against the idea (some men are) - you will almost certainly wind up with a female companion and possibly a new wife in the not too distant future. Who may well be a fair amount younger than you are. I would put off any decisions for a year or two and see how things work out. Robyn
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Old 01-10-2016, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,950,422 times
Reputation: 6717
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Deleting most of it, this aligns with my thinking.

My dad went from "at home" with his wife to a dementia ward when my stepmother could no longer handle it. He was noticeably impaired by his late-70's from vascular dementia. July 1, I moved my mom to assisted living at age 83 with classic Alzheimer's short term memory loss issues.

Given the genetics, I have to contingency plan for being unable to manage my affairs by the time I hit my late-70's/early-80's but I'm not going to let it paralyze me.

I'm doing what I can to age in place for as long as possible. Small one-level home with no stairs close to everything. Having had to unwind my mother's affairs, I'm going to have my life streamlined, documented, and on autopilot well before I hit that age.
How old are you?

Dementia complicates things a lot - especially if there isn't a well spouse around to care for someone at the early/middle stages. We've been lucky and haven't had to deal with dementia when it comes to our parents. I do have an aunt who cared for her late husband at home during the early/middle stages of his dementia. But he eventually wound up in a dementia facility when she could no longer care for him (she was about 90 then). I have an uncle now in the same situation - he's in his early 90's - and his wife is close to needing a facility.

While I think it's imperative to have planning documents in place to deal with anything that might pop up down the road (regardless of how old you are) - especially if you're single and/or childless and can't rely on a spouse and/or children for care - I don't think it's necessary to live your life assuming that any of these things might happen. Just live the way you want to live.

I disagree with you about putting things on "auto-pilot" - because I don't know how to do that for everything. Like they say - "Life Happens" . Note that my husband and I had to "unwind" the affairs of my late in-laws - and deal with their late-in-life illnesses and senior care. I have been handling a fair amount of things for my father - especially managing his financial affairs for almost a decade now - as well. And - if we need someone to help us in the future in similar ways - we have planning documents in place.

FWIW - I think one reason I have this somewhat laissez faire attitude is because my husband was diagnosed was MS when he was in his 30's. And - if we had obsessed about it - made it the centerpiece of our thinking - we would have missed most of the good parts of our adult lives because we would have been too worried to enjoy them. Robyn
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