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Old 01-10-2016, 07:22 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,938,980 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
Well, I'm sensible about real estate (having worked in it), and shooting for a single story - it's the quality of the neighborhood that is throwing me. I love a manicured area, but HOA's give me pause. And this is all about planning for the future, so I'm not talking about buying into some ccrc now...but seeing if I will be able to later. This is my year to decide it.

Anywho...I'll figure it out, I'm sure. Probably what I need to do is stop reading the caregiving forum. And the retirement forum, frankly.
HOAs are all over the place. A separate (very large) issue. We live in one now - and it's fine. We didn't care for high rise condo living (we did that when we were younger and working).

I tend to agree with you about reading all the depressing messages - especially on the caregiver forum. I also don't understand the compulsive need some people seem to have to try to wrap up their lives in tidy packages. Even though I'm a pretty compulsive person - I don't think life works that way. For example - my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year - and given 6-12 months to live. That was 5 months ago. But he is still doing fine. And we're not changing anything until it becomes necessary (we did look into the available hospice options here - that's about it). Even if we wanted to change something - what would we change? IOW - it is very much a one day at a time now situation. One nice thing about being retired is our time/schedules are very flexible - so it's easier for us to "roll with the punches". Robyn
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Old 01-10-2016, 01:25 PM
 
662 posts, read 479,310 times
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Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
Our goal is primarily to have the major decisions made so as to spare our sons from those. Hopefully the most they'll have to do is implement what we've laid out.
Yes. I don't want to put it on my son. And picking out a place prior is a good idea. I guess I can't yet do that because who knows what places will be around in 25+ years.
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Old 01-10-2016, 01:37 PM
 
662 posts, read 479,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
I also don't understand the compulsive need some people seem to have to try to wrap up their lives in tidy packages.

Well, I should fess up here...I've not done anything about a will even, and I decided this year I should. And then realized that sitting down to figure that out would be easy, actually, but that the health care thing would be the biggie, really. So, once it occurred to me, I began obsessing, fearing, etc - kinda along the lines of "CRAP! I forgot my keys!" . But, putting it down here, reading from others and so forth has made me see the errors of the, well, at least, the level of my concern.

And I had to laugh at the "tidy packages" line. Truly, that's not me. Never did see life as a "tidy" thing.

Spread sheets for money...sure. Life...nope.
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Old 01-10-2016, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,938,980 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
Yes. I don't want to put it on my son. And picking out a place prior is a good idea. I guess I can't yet do that because who knows what places will be around in 25+ years.
Or who knows what you might need in terms of care - if anything? My late FIL went straight from his own house to a SNF after a stroke. No independent living - no ALF.

I guess one important issue is does your son live near you? Many many many seniors who get pretty old wind up moving to where their children live. If for no other reason than it's easier for children to take care of parents when they're 10 miles away - and not 1500. The worst parents I've seen are those who insist on "staying put" when they need lots of help - and insist that their children spend half of their lives on the road/in planes traveling to take care of them.

And why wouldn't you want to put it on your son? Have you ever asked him what he would do to help you? Especially if you were financially self-sufficient and moved near him - not in with him. After our mothers died - we laid out the ground rules for our fathers (I would have preferred to do this when our mothers were still alive - because it wasn't like we weren't spending a lot of time dealing with our parents and their health issues when both were alive - but it's harder when both parents are alive). We would give them whatever help they needed - but only if they moved to where we live. They did - and we did. No way we were going to spend weeks and weeks traveling to and spending large chunks of time in south Florida and North Carolina. I have a friend/neighbor who's doing that now with a mother in south Florida and a MIL in Baltimore - and I think she's an idiot - a doormat.

Your son is like what - 25 - 30 something? Ask him. Keeping in mind that by the time you need any help from him - he will probably be at least 50. I think the worst thing people with kids can do is tie themselves into something like a CCRC that's a long way away from their kids. Heck - we don't have kids - but we have (all younger) siblings - scattered all around. We have money too. Perhaps if we need care - one or more of our siblings might be willing to help us in exchange for a larger inheritance? Or perhaps even out of love ? If we moved to where they live. Wouldn't expect them to fly 2000 miles to help us. Robyn
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Old 01-10-2016, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,938,980 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
Well, I should fess up here...I've not done anything about a will even, and I decided this year I should. And then realized that sitting down to figure that out would be easy, actually, but that the health care thing would be the biggie, really. So, once it occurred to me, I began obsessing, fearing, etc - kinda along the lines of "CRAP! I forgot my keys!" . But, putting it down here, reading from others and so forth has made me see the errors of the, well, at least, the level of my concern.

And I had to laugh at the "tidy packages" line. Truly, that's not me. Never did see life as a "tidy" thing.

Spread sheets for money...sure. Life...nope.
OMG. Shame on you! The will isn't even the big part. You need the appropriate documents for things that might happen before you're cold and dead. Like perhaps some form of power of attorney if you become disabled. A health care surrogate form - who will speak for you in the middle of something like major surgery if you're unconscious and the doctors need a decision. A living will - if you're out of it and not capable of making decisions - do you want this/that/the other thing done to prolong your life (the Karen Quinlan issues). A pre-need guardian form - should you ever need a guardian - to avoid the indignity of court proceedings. These are pretty much some of the forms in Florida. I'm sure most states have the same - or similar (although I'm also sure the exact wording/nature of the forms varies by state).

Lawyers don't generally charge very much for these packages - perhaps $500-1000 (where I live). And you can even DIY with standardized forms available from state Bar associations or commercial outfits. Note that I'm a lawyer - and I would spring for the local lawyer option - because he/she may be give you some insights - get you thinking about your options.

At your age - you are probably more at risk of running into these and similar issues as a result of something like a serious auto accident than dementia. Robyn
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:23 PM
 
662 posts, read 479,310 times
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Yah. I know, I know.

I plan to find an attorney, but the possible out-of-state relocation has me delaying....ie: why set this all up as a resident of one state now if in a year or so I'm a resident of another and have to pay it all out again to rewrite it?

Hmm...I suppose I could do the DIY way for now. I did know about how easy it is in my state to do a will yourself, but didn't know the other items could be done as well. I'll check it out.

Thanks!
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Old 01-10-2016, 05:25 PM
 
662 posts, read 479,310 times
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Now I must go...Downton Abbey is about to come on.

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Old 01-12-2016, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,938,980 times
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Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
Now I must go...Downton Abbey is about to come on.

It's on Comcast On Demand too. So you can watch whenever. I watch Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce on Wednesday mornings when I'm running stock charts and looking at the markets . Robyn
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Old 01-13-2016, 05:30 AM
 
29,784 posts, read 34,880,403 times
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Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
You have to keep the demographics in mind when you're talking about "details". I suspect the median age of Vicar's Landing residents in "independent living" is about the same as where my father lives. About 85. Many of these people are playing with less than full decks (I know - I see them driving in my local Publix parking lot ). Same as in my father's facility (my father has all his marbles and complains about this repeatedly). Those in the ALF portion are probably mostly 90+ (I stopped at a new ALF here a few months ago - and they said their average new resident was > 90). With even fewer cards in their decks. As for the SNF - the ages are probably more variable (people can need skilled nursing at various ages).

So I guess another takeaway is I have zero interest in a place like Vicar's Landing at age 68 .

Another thing to remember is this is a pretty well-to-do area.* For North Florida. We're not Palm Beach or Palo Alto or anything like that - but there are a fair number of people with money here. And some become residents of Vicar's Landing or have children who pay for them in Vicar's Landing. So a lot of these residents don't have to worry about money. And - even if they do - other people (family members or professionals) are probably handing their finances for them. Like I am handling my father's finances. So another takeaway is try to move into places/areas where people have more money rather than less. They can usually weather financial storms/rising prices better than places/areas with less money.

Overall though - I would be very cautious about all CCRCs in terms of financials. Vicar's Landing may be doing well (I honestly don't know) - but there was a pretty large one in JAX that went bankrupt. I'm not sure it's sensible to invest any money in any CCRC anywhere.

Also - although Vicar's Landing seems to have an excellent ALF and SNF (according to the CEO of the excellent local SNF where my late FIL lived) - there are probably more than a few that don't have the financial resources - even after fees - to provide excellent care at the ALF and/or SNF levels - which are (much) more expensive than independent living. Robyn

*When Mayo opened its concierge practice here - at $5k for a single - $8k for a couple - I was skeptical that it would "sell" well. Well it "sold out" (3 doctors each with 150 patients) in less than a year. So Mayo has added a fourth doctor - and raised the rates to $6k for a single - and $10k for a couple. Guess there is more money here than I thought.
The one we have looked at is a monthly fee and you can opt out at anytime. Everything is in one connected facility with the exception of flats that you can buy for the independent living stage. All of the programs are fee based with a guarantee of admission if you can afford it as normal. There is no entry fee. In fact you can rent and try out and if not interested hit the road. Since this particular facility is new it has no history of rate increases. It is a new model the company is working with pioneering etc.
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Old 01-13-2016, 05:32 AM
 
29,784 posts, read 34,880,403 times
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Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
I agree.
It's worth a mention that if the CCRC is a non-profit, the financial statements and 990s are available online, often going back for 10 or more years. That's handy because imo trends and trend changes often reveal more than a static report.

Broad quality evaluations of a SNF in a CCRC can be found on sites like Medicare.gov Nursing Home Compare and US News Health but there's no substitute for site visits and talking with people who have family or friends residing in them.

We don't anticipate having a need for Senior Independent living facilities for at least 10 years, but the current waiting list for the "good ones" is lengthy so we're doing the initial research now. The one we're most interested in has a program where anyone 62+ can pay a fee to use their amenities (indoor pool, gym, library) and participate in activities without moving in. That's something I can see us doing down the line.
thats the tough part the waiting list and being able to anticipate when you will need.
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