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Old 01-19-2016, 04:49 PM
 
12,721 posts, read 14,093,600 times
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I began losing my hearing around the age of three I guess it was. My mother was convinced as I grew to be four that I was being a deliberately disobedient child. She would yell at me and sometimes give me a swat for disobeying and not answering her call, etc.

I have been told that at one point when I was four she called from the kitchen and I was in the next room. Nothing. She evidently came out of the kitchen and snapped at me in a loud voice. My back was turned and I had no reaction, she came right up behind me and said something...nothing. And then it hit her. I had been losing my hearing for a year or so.

A simple operation resolved the problem completely. An unfortunate legacy was that my second earliest memory is of my mother standing over me shouting, and I do not know why.

My world was very small at this time, I cannot imagine the difficulty of navigating in society if you are deaf or partially so and cannot afford hearing aids, or they simply do not work well. As adults we live in a much more complex and demanding world than I was at that time.
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Old 01-19-2016, 05:22 PM
 
Location: West Central Ohio
424 posts, read 235,013 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingo13 View Post
I know OP was looking for confirmation of hard-of-hearing, but there are many things. Hard of hearing can be difficult, having to speak louder, etc., why did you answer the question that someone had asked your husband?
Why did I answer? I have no idea. I do know that I am way more out going than he is and it isn't unusual for him to have me answer. We have been married 33 years and he is like an extension of me. We are very close.
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Old 01-19-2016, 05:28 PM
 
Location: West Central Ohio
424 posts, read 235,013 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eok View Post
What about Down's syndrome or Asperger's syndrome? Do you consider those mental health issues, and therefore a different topic? Down's syndrome is caused by a chromosome, and is therefore definitely a physical disability, not a mental health issue. Asperger's syndrome is actually caused by physical brain problems, so it too is the same kind of disability as deafness, blindness, being in a wheelchair, etc. And people hardly tolerate Asperger's syndrome at all, because it causes people to have strange personalities that other people don't like. So instead of thinking of them as having a disability, they just think of them as jerks. Isn't that exactly the same problem you're talking about?

And what if a person has both Asperger's syndrome and deafness? A person like that might not even be able to keep custody of their own children, because a typical judge would perceive them as being incompetent jerks who should not be trusted with the care of any children, not even their own. In rural counties, with population below 100,000, people with such disabilities and combinations of disabilities lose custody of their own children all the time. It's almost routine. It just takes a minor trigger event, such as a child gets in some kind of trouble, or someone perceives the parent as doing something wrong, or anything like that, and someone calls the police, and the police perceive the person as being an incompetent jerk, and charge them with whatever crime can even remotely fit the circumstances, to let a judge decide what to do about them. And what the judge often ends up deciding is that even if the parent didn't actually commit a crime, the children should go to foster care for their own safety.

So it's a much more general problem than just with deafness. It's society's intolerance of disabilities in general, with the intolerance being greatest for disabilities that are hard to understand. Especially in relatively rural areas, where people tend to be less educated and less tolerant of differences.
I have a missing chromosome So trust me I wasn't discounting other disabilities but talking about hearing, seeing, walking, etc

I don't talk about my condition to anyone. I know disabilities and people just weren't getting where I was coming from.
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Old 01-19-2016, 05:47 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,919 posts, read 2,021,826 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eok View Post
And what if a person has both Asperger's syndrome and deafness? A person like that might not even be able to keep custody of their own children, because a typical judge would perceive them as being incompetent jerks who should not be trusted with the care of any children, not even their own. In rural counties, with population below 100,000, people with such disabilities and combinations of disabilities lose custody of their own children all the time. It's almost routine. It just takes a minor trigger event, such as a child gets in some kind of trouble, or someone perceives the parent as doing something wrong, or anything like that, and someone calls the police, and the police perceive the person as being an incompetent jerk, and charge them with whatever crime can even remotely fit the circumstances, to let a judge decide what to do about them. And what the judge often ends up deciding is that even if the parent didn't actually commit a crime, the children should go to foster care for their own safety.

So it's a much more general problem than just with deafness. It's society's intolerance of disabilities in general, with the intolerance being greatest for disabilities that are hard to understand. Especially in relatively rural areas, where people tend to be less educated and less tolerant of differences.
This may be a discussion outside of the original question, but if there's so much disparity and lack of clear understanding in rural areas that is so different from more urbanized areas, there should be (although I'm not sure of the legality of whether this is even possible)some way to appeal a local judge's ruling higher up the judicial chain or possibly have the hearing moved to another county if there's a particularly bad track record or legal errors in a rural area.

Back to the OP's original question, could it be that people have lower tolerance of hearing problems because their visceral, kneejerk reaction is "he or she isn't listening to me and that's why I'm having to repeat myself!" That doesn't excuse acting rudely towards a person's disability, but maybe that helps explain the lack of compassion compared to other disabilities?
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Old 01-19-2016, 06:13 PM
 
Location: West Central Ohio
424 posts, read 235,013 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jowel View Post
Back to the OP's original question, could it be that people have lower tolerance of hearing problems because their visceral, kneejerk reaction is "he or she isn't listening to me and that's why I'm having to repeat myself!" That doesn't excuse acting rudely towards a person's disability, but maybe that helps explain the lack of compassion compared to other disabilities?
I have had people throw things at me thinking I am not listening. I have been yelled at for not doing something they supposedly asked me to do. I have a disability but this one has been the hardest to handle with how people treat you. I cannot hear doctor's behind masks and when they ask me questions I cannot answer them or if I do I don't give the right answer.

Maybe I should have rephrased my title but I still think people are unkind to those who cannot hear because they don't believe that you have a problem. They take it personally
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Old 01-19-2016, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,562,583 times
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Here's my perspective as a caregiver of ten years for someone who is hard of hearing. I had to BEG HER for years to get a hearing aid. I was going deaf myself having the TV played in the house full-blast 365 days a year. I was also tired of her 1.) denying she was hard of hearing, 2.) claiming I didn't tell her something I actually said repeatedly, 3.) misunderstanding something I said and assuming her interpretation was correct, 4.) expecting me to interpret for other people speaking to her, and 5.) just tuning out and not even trying to listen to important things because it was too much trouble for her.

I finally got her to agree to be evaluated and I paid $3,000 for her to get a hearing aid. I then had to take her to 10 appointments before it was calibrated to her satisfaction. Every year I take her for additional adjustments and those are also multiple appointments as she decides she doesn't like something after we get home. OK, it's hard. I get it, but at times the person with the disability is uncooperative.

And yet I am criticized for being intolerant? If I could get $10 from everyone I know who is in denial about being hard of hearing, I will be able to afford my own hearing aid when I need one. I have very poor eyesight but I don't refuse to wear my glasses and then expect OTHER people to get bigger TVs so I can see it.

To this day, I have to remind her to put in her hearing aids every morning. She won't do it at all unless I ask. And I know she doesn't have them in the first time I speak with her in the morning. When she is not wearing them I invariably have to repeat myself three times before she gets what I am saying even though I use all the "speak directly to her," "speak slowly and clearly," and all the other tricks I am told about.

Sorry, but I think sometimes it's the person with the hearing disability who is unfair to others.

Last edited by Jukesgrrl; 01-19-2016 at 07:06 PM..
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Old 01-19-2016, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,564 posts, read 52,710,219 times
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Hearing? No.
Obese? Yes.
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Old 01-19-2016, 07:03 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,919 posts, read 2,021,826 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anitak1982 View Post
I have had people throw things at me thinking I am not listening. I have been yelled at for not doing something they supposedly asked me to do. I have a disability but this one has been the hardest to handle with how people treat you. I cannot hear doctor's behind masks and when they ask me questions I cannot answer them or if I do I don't give the right answer.

Maybe I should have rephrased my title but I still think people are unkind to those who cannot hear because they don't believe that you have a problem. They take it personally
That's awful. Even if people misunderstood difficulty hearing for not listening, there's absolutely no excuse for this type of behavior. In fact, throwing things at you is outright assault.
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Old 01-19-2016, 07:16 PM
 
2,634 posts, read 1,123,441 times
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People in general are less empathetic to individuals with hearing loss because it is an invisible disability. Disabilities that are conspicuous engenders sympathy and assistance if needed. For example, a mobility impaired person and a blind person with a seeing eye dog and/or white cane are given deference in almost all situations.
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Old 01-19-2016, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,267 posts, read 4,154,513 times
Reputation: 15718
Hands down, stupidity. I have absolutely no tolerance for stupid people.
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