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Old 02-08-2016, 05:48 PM
 
4,070 posts, read 1,558,304 times
Reputation: 7411

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryinva View Post
This ^^^ {snip} My 77 yo father lives quite nicely on his SS income of only $1400 a month. His average expenses are about $800 a month and he lives in a nice retirement community in Ft Pierce, FL. With his girlfriend. In her paid off house, she inherited from out living her last 2 husbands that died from cancer. After they sold their highly appreciated house in NJ. And her SS income of $1600/mo. And my father sold HIS paid off house of $160k, and pays "rent, with benefits" of $500/mo. And HE inherited $200k from his parents.

So your dad's plan (who's only a little older than me) was to find a twice-widowed lady with a paid off house, and also inherit money from his folks. And if his total expenses are $800 and $500 of that is "rent", his total other expense are only $300? (My medicare a/b and medigap premiums are about $290 a month. Doesn't leave much for food, medication, etc.) That plan is not a option for me.


Sorry to be so negative, but I don't see much to admire in his living arrangements. I hope your widow does better when you are no longer around.


Mahalo
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Old 02-08-2016, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,670 posts, read 3,246,905 times
Reputation: 11951
Nobody knows what drives this woman. She no doubt has thought about this, knew her financial situation before starting out, and made peace with the conflict. So in other words, she is LIVING HER LIFE, just like what the rest of us should be doing.

Take your attention off her...... for pete's sake it was an article in a magazine. Nobody (her) really cares what we think about her lifestyle. She seems happy.

We should all be doing what is right and good for us. Gee whiz. How hard is that?
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Old 02-08-2016, 06:25 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,764 posts, read 7,826,042 times
Reputation: 13083
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYJoe View Post
It's capitalism. Those CEO's employ a lot of people, even if you don't think they pay enough. I never met one civil servant who employed anybody.
The employed a lot of people back in the 60s, also, all the while earning ONLY 20x the salary of the average worker.
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Old 02-08-2016, 06:57 PM
 
Location: RVA
2,167 posts, read 1,266,787 times
Reputation: 4460
That was never my fathers plan. Never said it was. His medigap is only $90/mo. He was living just fine in his own paid off home with his paid off car, and only about $200/mo in taxes plus $150/maintenance fee plus utilities. He has the equal of a 5th grade education and immigrated from Italy at 16. Worked as a home builder an eventually built custom homes and did quite well. He retired to Florida at 52, bought a home, cash, and some rental property to keep busy, which he sold for a profit about 7 years later. He never had any real plans, grandiose or otherwise. My mother was always in charge and browbeat him so that he did what ever she wanted. Then my mother, who controlled all the investments and purse strings, as well, started gambling at Jaialai and lost well over $100k over a few years, and my father trusted her lies, be was devastated by the losses that he had no idea of and the betrayal. He divorced her when she wouldn't seek help and she died in 2008 from COPD from chain smoking most of her life. She would have been penniless in a very few years. My father met his girlfriend (same age roughly) 2 years ago, and she is the opposite of my mother, encouraging him to live life and providing positive companionship. She asked him to move in with her, as she wasn't happy alone. They are quite a nice pair,mand I am happy for them both. Anything else you want to know?

My point, which apparently went too far over your head, was that my father is a prime example of someone that would think $2k a month is fine to live on in retirement. He wants for nothing, and expects nothing. But he doesn't, really live on that because he has shared expenses. You apparently missed where I said his SS is $1400/mo. So he banks at least $600/mo. He has back up finances, from selling his home, previous savings, but the windfall from his parents just makes his future a bit more secure as his health is very good, so he continues to add to his savings while he can. He doesn't do much but go to the bowling alley, exercise, and watch tv. He enjoys the supportive company he never had for so many years. He is also often bored, but mostly illiterate and hides it. He is also an example of someone that despite losing much financially in divorce and otherwise, still does well in his own point of view.

My plans and life experiences are far different from his, as well as 18 years further, with far more enrichment as I feel My wife and I need. Unless I'm dead, though, we have one important thing in common which is that I, like him, will live my retirement on my terms, based on goals I set in my 20s, and have surpassed. The difference is, he wanted to stop working as soon as possible because he could not imagine living to 75. It seemed impossiblt to him. His parents didn't make it to 80, and were in far worse shape than he is now at their age. And I expect to be in better shape and health than my old man when I hit 77. And I will be a lot more active and do a lot more activities as well between now and then and beyond.

Last edited by Perryinva; 02-08-2016 at 07:15 PM..
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Old 02-08-2016, 07:21 PM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,949,697 times
Reputation: 3901
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryinva View Post
...

My point ... was that my father is a prime example of someone that would think $2k a month is fine to live on in retirement. He wants for nothing, and expects nothing...


...


He has back up finances...
Thank you, Perry.


From your post: I am confident that after a lifetime of going through the wash cycle in F10 companies, I can live content on $2K/mo (my reference model: ascetic scholar) with a relaxing lifestyle of studying, walking through the National Parks with my trusty dog, getting from point to point with my (future) trusty Road Trek, and coming back to home base to bake cookies for the grands.


Returning to nocturnal study once they are safely off my hands. And, of course, visiting the other two kids. Who are somewhat later to their destiny, being (*choke* - I can't believe I'm saying this) clueless young men, late to the understanding.


Thanks again. I'll have a lot of dry powder: to me, $2K / mo for the "ascetic scholar" lifestyle is more than enough.
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:32 PM
 
4,070 posts, read 1,558,304 times
Reputation: 7411
Perry - God bless your heart, I didn't bring up your dad's life style - you did, so it is fair game. I can only go by the picture you painted. And if you think it admirable for a fella to sponge off a lonely, twice widowed women, move into her house, etc, well, that's your choice. I used to live in Florida and knew several men and several women who, like your dad, felt no remorse in taking advantage of someone because they were lonely. I was not raised that way.

I'd be interested in what other posters think of this living arrangement.

BTW, does your shoulder still hurt?
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,740,386 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoot N Annie View Post
Perry - God bless your heart, I didn't bring up your dad's life style - you did, so it is fair game. I can only go by the picture you painted. And if you think it admirable for a fella to sponge off a lonely, twice widowed women, move into her house, etc, well, that's your choice. I used to live in Florida and knew several men and several women who, like your dad, felt no remorse in taking advantage of someone because they were lonely. I was not raised that way.

I'd be interested in what other posters think of this living arrangement.

BTW, does your shoulder still hurt?

Just because someone is bringing less than half the finances to the table does not necessarily equate to "sponging" and "taking advantage". We would have to know a whole lot more about the situation in order to make those kinds of judgments. I call your rush to judgment a cheap shot.
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Old 02-08-2016, 09:09 PM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,565,364 times
Reputation: 20505
^^^
Agreed. If two people enjoy each other's company (and for the man, after an apparently very unsatisfactory marriage), why is that "sponging" just because they aren't contributing dollar for dollar? Two lonely people not lonely now. I call that a success.
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Old 02-08-2016, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Arizona
183 posts, read 112,147 times
Reputation: 734
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoot N Annie View Post
Perry - God bless your heart, I didn't bring up your dad's life style - you did, so it is fair game. I can only go by the picture you painted. And if you think it admirable for a fella to sponge off a lonely, twice widowed women, move into her house, etc, well, that's your choice. I used to live in Florida and knew several men and several women who, like your dad, felt no remorse in taking advantage of someone because they were lonely. I was not raised that way.

I'd be interested in what other posters think of this living arrangement.

BTW, does your shoulder still hurt?
If the woman in question feels that this arrangement is making her life better and it's made his life better I don't see how anyone is being taken advantage of?

When my father was 82 he started seeing a widow. (my mother had died 14 years before then) She was not wealthy living on SS and a very small pension. (she was also 82) She eventually sold her home and moved in with my father. He paid all the bills and living expenses. When he died four years later he had left her a saving account with 2 years of living expenses so she could take her time finding another place to live. (she still had the money from the sale of her house in the bank)

It never occurred to my brothers or myself that she was taking advantage of him. (they didn't get married) He cared for her, she cared for him. They ate out often but she cooked when they stayed home. She cleaned the condo and did the laundry. He hated doing all of those things and after having done them for the last 14 years he was thrilled that she took over. She provided much needed human contact with someone his own age. She made him laugh. She made him happy, he made her happy.

I don't think two people have to be financial equals to have a successful relationship.
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Old 02-08-2016, 10:58 PM
 
806 posts, read 1,269,867 times
Reputation: 439
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal2NC View Post
I have talked to my credit union people a few times regarding this credit card (their cards) debt and asked about a consolidated loan. Each time I was told no. "They" would not do it. I am not sure why that is, maybe I should check out another credit union and see what they can do. I did try a few banks here to see if I could get a loan, but was turned down, again.

Sometimes I feel OK, resigned, know I will have to deal with this for a long time.

Other times, I really get upset about it..... I know the debt is my fault, and my problem, and I am responsible to pay it. But there are days when I feel choked and hopeless.

I saw another poster reference DebtWave...... I'll google that to see what it has to offer.

The credit counseling available here would charge me $50 per month. To me, that doesn't make much sense when I'm trying to get out of debt.

Thank you for your suggestion.
Hi NYgal...

Back when I was young and in debt, I too went to my bank to get a loan to pay off the credit cards. I think this was before I called Genus. Getting a loan really wasn't the smartest option, because the interest probably would've been high. I would've replaced a bunch of debt with yet another.

I too felt hopeless. My banker just gently told me to file for BK. Many people do it, right? I thanked him, but figured too that the debt was my fault, my problem and while it was a lot of money, it wasn't a million dollars or some unimaginable amount. Genus gave me a plan and told me if I stuck with my payments, I would have my debt paid off in "x" number of years.

They were right, but it wasn't easy. I had debt collectors call me at work, but the worse was when I got a letter from a lawyer. I called him up and the old man made me cry. Have some sympathy...that debt was just $3,000, which I paid off slowly with income from my 2nd full-time job.

I am the one who mentioned DebtWave. Please read about them online. Read the reviews, but also give them a call and see what they can do for you. I have never had to go through their service. Yes, they charge $50/month, but please call and find out what they can do regarding your credit union debt.

You and I can negotiate with our creditors, but you have tried and got denied. Maybe DebtWave knows how to talk with them. I pray DebtWave can lower your debt and help you get out of bondage.

There is no risk to call them. You don't have to sign up until you hear the negotiated payment. One reviewer said Debtwave got rid of the interest charges. If you are only making minimum payments, the interest will keep you chained forever.

I mentioned this before, but is there anyway you can cut your spending? I seriously did not dine out, buy clothes or buy Christmas presents while in debt. Don't even shop garage sales or the GoodWill. Every dollar saved will help pay for that $50/month charge .

Blessings to you. I have been there. I remember the feeling of despair, but there is hope, my friend. Hugs...
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