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Old 02-08-2016, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
25,113 posts, read 24,004,516 times
Reputation: 31022

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoot N Annie View Post
Perry - God bless your heart, I didn't bring up your dad's life style - you did, so it is fair game. I can only go by the picture you painted. And if you think it admirable for a fella to sponge off a lonely, twice widowed women, move into her house, etc, well, that's your choice. I used to live in Florida and knew several men and several women who, like your dad, felt no remorse in taking advantage of someone because they were lonely. I was not raised that way.

I'd be interested in what other posters think of this living arrangement.

BTW, does your shoulder still hurt?
I think that living arrangement is fine. My mother did that, and it worked out beautifully. Mom was getting $2000 a month. Her SO got $3500. They both had the company they wanted. They had someone to go out with. My mom had never lived alone until my dad died, and she hated it. He was stuck in a VA nursing home because he couldn't live alone. They wouldn't release him. She was a retired nurse and could take care of him. They were very happy together.

Frank is one of the nicest guys I've ever met in my life. I'm glad that they found each other.
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Old 02-09-2016, 12:51 AM
 
4,069 posts, read 1,566,233 times
Reputation: 7412
Thanks to all of you for taking the time to respond to me. Here's my issue. Dad has over $300k in the bank per the son from sale of house and money dad inherited from grandpa. Per the son, Dad gets $1400 a month and manages to put $600 in the bank. So Dad's total expenses are $800 a month. Do you really think he is paying his own way? Not a chance! Yes, I call that sponging.

My lovely bride has a "friend" who really knows how this works. She (so the gender roles are reversed) in the last 12 years hooked up with at least 3 lonely fellas, spent money till they were bankrupt, walked away, and found the next lonely fella and started all over again. And these are not young men. She is now in her mid 70s and is probably looking again. If you're a single guy, I can give you her name and number

Yes, I know us old folks can still want and find companionship in their later years, but I do believe us oldster are especially vulnerable and if Dad's room mate were my sister I'd be having a heart to heart talk with her.


Mahalo!
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Old 02-09-2016, 01:28 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
25,113 posts, read 24,004,516 times
Reputation: 31022
Mom's situation? She insisted on paying all of the mayor household expenses, like the taxes and utilities and most of the food. On the other hand, he paid for everything else. Nearly every day, they went to Starbucks, or out to lunch or dinner. Frank paid to have a cleaning crew come in once a month and for any necessary repairs. They tipped generously, made charitable donations and loved QVC. They spent money like a couple of drunken sailors.

Didn't turn out well in the end.
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Old 02-09-2016, 06:05 AM
 
Location: RVA
2,174 posts, read 1,273,469 times
Reputation: 4497
My shoulder's fine. Does your neck hurt from the weight of the sanctimonious halo you wear?

How do you figure they they are not even contributors? What he pays covers more than half the taxes and utilities. She tells me to tell my Dad to only give her $300, that she feels he is robbing from his beirs to pad her account and didn't want us to think she was taking advantage of him. None of us kids did, and told her so. Her own kids are thrilled they don't have to worry anout their mom being lonely or a victim.

I hope you don't get nosebleeds from that high horse you sit upon.

Dad pays his way, fixes and repairs thing so she doesnt have to worry, provides security and comfort for her. Pretty much just like the other subsequent posters related similar arrangements. In what way at all is that sponging? She has companionship,
protectionship and company plus $500 a month she didnt have before for less expenses as he pays for dinners etc, and they both come out ahead. It is zero difference from a balanced marriage except they stay single to max their SSs and keep their money separated for heirs. You have a seriously strange concept of taking advantage.

God bless.

Last edited by Perryinva; 02-09-2016 at 06:18 AM..
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Old 02-09-2016, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Jamestown, NY
7,841 posts, read 7,345,965 times
Reputation: 13779
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
^^^
Agreed. If two people enjoy each other's company (and for the man, after an apparently very unsatisfactory marriage), why is that "sponging" just because they aren't contributing dollar for dollar? Two lonely people not lonely now. I call that a success.
Exactly. I know many senior couples who have similar relationships, and, as a group, they actually seem happier than many senior married couples. Maybe that's because they met later in life and are more "in tune" with each other as they are today while so many married seniors have been together for decades and may no longer be "in tune" at all.
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Old 02-09-2016, 10:47 AM
 
Location: RVA
2,174 posts, read 1,273,469 times
Reputation: 4497
I think that is very true, indeed.
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Old 02-09-2016, 12:09 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,777 posts, read 7,063,873 times
Reputation: 14355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delahanty View Post
That first story was just too sad. How could a 79-year-old woman in such dire circumstances not qualify for assistance?

She appears to have an affinity for the life of a nomad, along with a few other eccentricities. Nonetheless, it's sad. And the thought of that woman belittling her because of her job made me sick.

Apparently she still brings in too much money to qualify for assistance. Qualifying for assistance depends on one's income, not on how one spends that money.

Although there are some exceptions for consideration of medical expenses when one is qualifying for Medicaid, but this doesn't appear to be the case with this woman.

I agree with you, though, belittling someone for a job they hold is totally classless, and I hope the woman considered the source and disregarded the unkind words.
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Old 02-09-2016, 07:30 PM
 
26,173 posts, read 28,568,853 times
Reputation: 24899
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Not to nitpick but I've lived and worked in Europe. Food really is double. Automobiles are about 1.6x. It's not "10% or 20%" more. If you earn US $100K, your effective tax rate in Germany, France, Belgium, Italy, and the Netherlands is 42% to 45%. There is no such thing as itemized deductions for things like mortgage interest. You earn 6 figures and your effective disposable income after paying for essentials is half what we're used to in the United States. Imagine paying New York City taxes and having everything cost twice as much.
Ok, I have visited Europe when it was 1.23E to the dollar and the prices didn't seem double to me, but maybe that's because I live in the Bay Area. We agree on the main point that the "free" health care and welfare benefits come at quite a cost for the working population. We'll have to agree to disagree on the finer details.
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Old 02-10-2016, 02:20 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,777 posts, read 7,063,873 times
Reputation: 14355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoot N Annie View Post
Perry - God bless your heart, I didn't bring up your dad's life style - you did, so it is fair game. I can only go by the picture you painted. And if you think it admirable for a fella to sponge off a lonely, twice widowed women, move into her house, etc, well, that's your choice. I used to live in Florida and knew several men and several women who, like your dad, felt no remorse in taking advantage of someone because they were lonely. I was not raised that way.

I'd be interested in what other posters think of this living arrangement.

BTW, does your shoulder still hurt?

I don't see how you can be so judgemental about two other people you know nothing about except that they are elders who have chosen to live together. Assuming that one is "sponging" off the other because he is living in her house????? Might it ever occur to you that they're doing this for the companionship it brings? Or perhaps to pool resources, share duties, or they have become fond of each other and want to spend all their time together. Who knows, but without knowing any of the other specifics- and these would be none of your business if you did know them, why the condemnation?

Also, you have to figure these folks freely chose this living arrangement. If they had not both wanted it, they wouldn't have been there.
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Old 02-10-2016, 03:08 PM
 
Location: RVA
2,174 posts, read 1,273,469 times
Reputation: 4497
Apparently no one else can, either. That's just the way she is I guess. No to mention that had nothing to do with the topic of the thread, and was not at all why I brought it up. I apologize for over reacting..
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