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Old 02-03-2016, 01:35 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,349 posts, read 10,334,620 times
Reputation: 28485

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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
No to all of these. I can't think why I would have mentioned what I had done in the past to him.

He has been treating my DH though, and he is the one who alerted us to his glaucoma. So, I think he was thinking of him today when I was there. It is odd though that he didn't ask how he was doing since his surgery, instead of what career he had had. Maybe he has had updates from the surgeon? I don't know.
Talking to you about your husband's medical condition would have been a HIPAA violation. Maybe he was hoping you'd bring it up, which would have been okay.
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Old 02-03-2016, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Inland Northwest
1,793 posts, read 1,146,843 times
Reputation: 1845
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
It would irritate me to no end. But, I'm underestimated regularly. I've won several lawsuits where I was underestimated because I was a woman not earning a great wage - Do Lawyers routinely know how much each other earns? I've even fired attorneys because they didn't know the new laws - As an attorney yourself, why would you need your own attorneys? and won on my own before judges who also hadn't learned the new laws, and apologized for it - Multiple judges apologized to you? For not knowing a "new" law?

On the upside, my daughter calls me the secret weapon. Underestimate me at your regret/peril. But, yes, I've been underestimated my entire life. And unfortunately, women have still not reached equality in that regard.

Being a woman attorney seems pretty equal to me.
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Old 02-03-2016, 04:33 PM
 
7,979 posts, read 11,657,672 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
That's it! You put your finger on what it is that bothers me. This is systemic. Most men would not think whether an old woman had had a career--she's just an old woman. And that attitude is endemic.

I'm not angry, by the way. But a little miffed and puzzled. I also understand that it isn't really a big deal, and doesn't make me dislike the doc.
They say middle aged/old women are the most invisible members of society. Once we aren't sexy or capable of bearing children we aren't important. I guess he's just not that into you
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Old 02-03-2016, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,666 posts, read 3,241,188 times
Reputation: 11932
Here is a different slant on things.

After I had been divorced for a while I went to the dentist for check up (he was "our" dentist). While he was doing his work, he asked me how my "better half" was.

Another time I was in the bank we used attempting to open my own account. The teller said I didn't need to open my account, after all I had a joint account.

Maybe I should have sent out divorce announcements?
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Old 02-03-2016, 07:43 PM
 
6,794 posts, read 3,859,912 times
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Years ago when a medical professional asked about my husbands career, I got the feeling he was trying to figure out more about our educational and economic status.
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Old 02-04-2016, 01:09 AM
 
10,813 posts, read 8,059,843 times
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It's a very real phenomenon that I've experienced throughout my life. I could write a book. In the early years of our marriage, DH & I attended many political meet-and-greets in which the candidates shook his hand and tried to engage him in all sorts of bonding while completely ignoring me. Grrrrr....
It took awhile but I eventually learned to pity men who struggled to shut me out. Their problem, not mine.
Luckily I was raised with 4 brothers, then married a man and raised 2 sons none of whom buy into such nonsense.

Worth mentioning, I've been stymied at how many of my young female relatives buy into the notion that their worth depends upon men's evaluation but that's a topic for another thread.
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Old 02-04-2016, 07:44 AM
 
480 posts, read 399,417 times
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Correction: Once women cease to be sex objects, they revert to their true level of "unimportance," shared by most of us, male or female. Women need to grasp this early on, and work to develop other talents or traits that make them "valuable," or at least formidable. (Unless they do what Lorelei Lee counseled in "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend," and use the sex appeal to accumulate assets that will come in handy later on).

The real issue for women, and feminists of either sex, is that even in first-world nations, young women have to expend a lot of mental and physical effort merely to be allowed to be something other than a sex object and baby-factory.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post
They say middle aged/old women are the most invisible members of society. Once we aren't sexy or capable of bearing children we aren't important.
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Inland Northwest
1,793 posts, read 1,146,843 times
Reputation: 1845
Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
It's a very real phenomenon that I've experienced throughout my life. I could write a book. In the early years of our marriage, DH & I attended many political meet-and-greets in which the candidates shook his hand and tried to engage him in all sorts of bonding while completely ignoring me. Grrrrr....
It took awhile but I eventually learned to pity men who struggled to shut me out. Their problem, not mine.
Luckily I was raised with 4 brothers, then married a man and raised 2 sons none of whom buy into such nonsense.

Worth mentioning, I've been stymied at how many of my young female relatives buy into the notion that their worth depends upon men's evaluation but that's a topic for another thread.

You say you're stymied that "young female relatives buy into the notion that their worth depends upon men's evaluation" and then in your first paragraph you say "It took awhile but I eventually learned to pity men who struggled to shut me out". If women don't need men to evaluate them for self worth, why have you experienced so much strife "Grrrr...." throughout your life when men did not evaluate you?
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Old 02-04-2016, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Beach
1,498 posts, read 1,189,644 times
Reputation: 3790
TrafficCory - because women have been culturally conditioned to believe that the opinion of males is more important and even their own opinion. It takes a long time and a strong sense of self worth to over come this. Congratulations Biscuitmon, on your ability to see your own self worth.
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Old 02-04-2016, 01:12 PM
 
5,426 posts, read 3,446,805 times
Reputation: 13704
One societal enculturation is that women are supposed to be decorative. And men need not be.

If a woman is not decorative or good looking, she is open to being called a dog or a pig.

Also, societal norms still dictate that it is men who predominantly ask for dates and ask a woman to marry....rarely the other way around. So women seeking dates in first having a social life or then marriage down the line often feel they have to seek approval of men in a variety of ways to do so, some not in the best interest of women.

The way young women often dress in the U.S. and the way some female pop stars dress and move has become a very strange manifestation of this.

Last edited by matisse12; 02-04-2016 at 01:50 PM..
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