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Old 02-04-2016, 02:13 PM
 
10,817 posts, read 8,065,019 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrafficCory View Post
You say you're stymied that "young female relatives buy into the notion that their worth depends upon men's evaluation"
I was a child of the 1950's and came of age in the 1960's, with all the sexist claptrap and gender discrimination that went on during those decades. It took me awhile to shake off the conditioning.

Today's girls and young women are raised in a different environment. They take it for granted they can get loans and credit on their own records, own or lease property in their own names, won't be denied entry to a university because of gender, and they can become engineers, lawyers, doctors, pilots, US Senators, etc., without being looked at like they have two heads.

So yes, it puzzles me when today's young women behave as though all that matters is male approval. It made some sense when women were economically dependent upon men. That's not the case today.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,869 posts, read 14,383,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
Talking to you about your husband's medical condition would have been a HIPAA violation. Maybe he was hoping you'd bring it up, which would have been okay.
An interesting thought. I didn't think about that. I didn't think to mention DH's progress at all.

Thanks for giving me an alternate explanation that might make sense. As I have said, I like this Doc very well.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,869 posts, read 14,383,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post
They say middle aged/old women are the most invisible members of society. Once we aren't sexy or capable of bearing children we aren't important. I guess he's just not that into you
I became invisible in my 50s. At least I am invisible to men and younger people of both sexes. It is an experience all older women go through, unless we are "hot." Most of us aren't.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,869 posts, read 14,383,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourown2feet View Post
Correction: Once women cease to be sex objects, they revert to their true level of "unimportance," shared by most of us, male or female. Women need to grasp this early on, and work to develop other talents or traits that make them "valuable," or at least formidable. (Unless they do what Lorelei Lee counseled in "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend," and use the sex appeal to accumulate assets that will come in handy later on).

The real issue for women, and feminists of either sex, is that even in first-world nations, young women have to expend a lot of mental and physical effort merely to be allowed to be something other than a sex object and baby-factory.
I don't know. It seems to me that my 73 year old husband is not ignored to the extent I am. Where I know I am truly invisible is when I get lunch out on my own. I don't have bad complaints about this, but believe me you understand you are invisible when the cashier doesn't look at you when taking your order. I am not ugly, by the way. I am pretty ordinary though, and I am certainly past the age of desirability for most guys. I might resemble some young girl's grandma. I get it, I really do.

In the PNW it isn't as bad as it was in StL though. There I got used to be totally ignored most of the time. I have had a hard time getting used to being spoken to by strangers and having doors routinely opened for me here. There is such a difference.

When I visit a doctor, I make sure to ask intelligent questions, and present myself as being smart. Otherwise, I know I will not be taken seriously. My mother had this problem big time. She was raised to be respectful to authority figures, and she came across as childish and not on point when she dealt with doctors. You have to present yourself a certain way to be taken seriously. Except for that, I don't mind being mostly invisible.

But, as I stated before, I was baffled as to why someone would ask about DH's previous career, and not to think to ask about mine. Some of your posts have helped me to give him the benefit of the doubt here. I don't want to be miffed about this.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:48 PM
 
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Is this like those who feel "invisible" in their old age? Seems overly sensitive.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,668,169 times
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Funny, because I get asked all the time. Especially at the doctor's office which is a bit embarrassing because for the most part of my career I paid health insurance claims. Sometimes they joke about me being the "enemy." We always get into a lively discussion about the state of the health coverage in the US today.

It could be because I put "divorced" under the marital status column and they figure that since I also am retired, I had to have been doing something to earn my keep so just to make conversation, they ask what I did before I retired.
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Old 02-04-2016, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,783 posts, read 4,838,667 times
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We have a VA mortgage, thanks to my stint in the USAF. I am proud of being a veteran and I did very well in the military, winning awards for being an excellent airman and student. Every few weeks we get phone calls from mortgage companies trying to get us to refinance our mortgage. As soon as I answer the phone they ask for my husband by name. When I ask who's calling they say some something like "Veteran's mortgage assistance" or something like that. I tell them my husband is not a veteran and they seem confused and one even said "but you have a VA mortgage, he has to be a veteran to get that". It's as if they've never heard of a female veteran. Seriously, what planet are they from? Not only that, but why speak to my husband about refinancing? I'm the one that usually makes that type of decisions in our family. It's really pretty insulting to me that they assume I can't speak to them intelligently about my family finances.
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Old 02-04-2016, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,668,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
We have a VA mortgage, thanks to my stint in the USAF. I am proud of being a veteran and I did very well in the military, winning awards for being an excellent airman and student. Every few weeks we get phone calls from mortgage companies trying to get us to refinance our mortgage. As soon as I answer the phone they ask for my husband by name. When I ask who's calling they say some something like "Veteran's mortgage assistance" or something like that. I tell them my husband is not a veteran and they seem confused and one even said "but you have a VA mortgage, he has to be a veteran to get that". It's as if they've never heard of a female veteran. Seriously, what planet are they from? Not only that, but why speak to my husband about refinancing? I'm the one that usually makes that type of decisions in our family. It's really pretty insulting to me that they assume I can't speak to them intelligently about my family finances.
Oh I would have such a field day with those nincompoops. I would tell them I would never do business with anyone who couldn't understand whose name was on the name on the mortgage after they were told, listen to them stutter and then hang up.

And thanks for your service to our country.
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Old 02-04-2016, 03:40 PM
 
7,185 posts, read 2,755,518 times
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Just a couple of examples:

We were in line at Lowe's during the Veteran's Day sale - when any vet, not just those with ID cards, could get 10% off. I said to the cashier, here is my DD214, vet discount, please. The effing cashier turned to my husband and said to HIM "thank you for your service".

Went to a new car dealership (several years ago, when I was still young enough to be considered at least minimally 'hot', haha), with hubs in tow... salesman comes up, says to him, how can I help you. I said I am interested in this pickup truck, would like to test drive it. Guy says to hubs, let me get you the key. Hubs says, I'm not the one buying the truck. Guy looks confused, looks around like nobody else is there.

So, yeah, what you feel happens to pretty much all of us who happen to be female.
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Old 02-04-2016, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,238 posts, read 8,532,850 times
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I just think it's rude in general to be asked about your spouse. I'M sitting right there - if it's just smalltalk, once you're done with the weather then I wanna talk about ME!
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