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Old 02-02-2016, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,845 posts, read 14,356,798 times
Reputation: 30702

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I like our eye doctor, the guy who gives us our eye exams every year. He diagnosed a detachment, which we are watching, but which does not seem to be progressing. I went in today for a checkup. While he was looking in my eyes, he asked me about DH, whom he also treats. He asked me what he did before he retired, and I told him.

I couldn't help noticing that he didn't ask me what I did before I retired! I wonder why not?

Most of us female baby boomers had careers of one sort or another. Why didn't he think to ask me?

I'm not angry, but I guess I feel slightly slighted as if my work is automatically devalued in some way.

Maybe it is just me? How would you feel?
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Old 02-02-2016, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,343 posts, read 10,331,404 times
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maybe he already knew? Has he asked your hubby what you did?


Personally, I wouldn't care. He's there to check my eyes. As long as he does that competently he can talk about toasted stinky cheese sandwiches for all I care.
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Old 02-02-2016, 03:39 PM
 
1,071 posts, read 806,601 times
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It wouldn't even occur to me to be miffed at something like that.

But since you bring it up, my ophthalmologist asks about my Walking Horses. We talk about his Walking Horses, trail rides we used to go on and if his cows have gotten into the Johnson Grass lately.

I tell DH what we talked about and he never gets upset because he and his race car weren't mentioned.

Much ado about nothing, IMHO, since you asked.
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Old 02-02-2016, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Rhode Island
6,840 posts, read 11,111,158 times
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I hear you. I think this is common among men- they often don't think to ask women about their careers.
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Old 02-02-2016, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Beach
1,498 posts, read 1,189,287 times
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Not to go off on a tangent, but there really is stereotyping of women of a certain age. I work with mostly younger males (lucky me) and at first they just assumed that I had a husband and children and grandchildren. Finding out I was a single woman in San Francisco, it was a given that I was a Lesbian. They were shocked when I showed up at a dinner with my male partner. The best you can do is either ignore it or educate them, but don't let the turkeys get you down.
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Old 02-02-2016, 05:50 PM
 
443 posts, read 281,031 times
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I would have felt exactly as you did. And yes, it is a big deal. Not to me individually, which is why I'd feel a little slighted but not angry - his loss if he assumes a man's career is important while a woman's isn't worth asking about. But it becomes a big deal when the attitude is systemic. So my anger would be directed towards societal norms, not one person evidencing the end result of a mistaken norm. And no, I don't see this as a men v. women issue. I know many men whom, if present, might answer the question, then mention their wife's career with pride.
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Old 02-02-2016, 07:08 PM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,049,308 times
Reputation: 12810
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
I like our eye doctor, the guy who gives us our eye exams every year. He diagnosed a detachment, which we are watching, but which does not seem to be progressing. I went in today for a checkup. While he was looking in my eyes, he asked me about DH, whom he also treats. He asked me what he did before he retired, and I told him.

I couldn't help noticing that he didn't ask me what I did before I retired! I wonder why not?

Most of us female baby boomers had careers of one sort or another. Why didn't he think to ask me?

I'm not angry, but I guess I feel slightly slighted as if my work is automatically devalued in some way.

Maybe it is just me? How would you feel?
I agree with another poster -maybe he already knew what you did.

In your exams, did they ask questions about issues with eye strain at work? Maybe there were clues there.

if I remember correctly, during my eye exams when I was active duty, eye safety was stressed, so they needed to know what we did. For example we were electronic technicians and often had to solder so, they would talk to us about eye protection etc.
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Old 02-02-2016, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,845 posts, read 14,356,798 times
Reputation: 30702
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeaverIslandRetired View Post
I would have felt exactly as you did. And yes, it is a big deal. Not to me individually, which is why I'd feel a little slighted but not angry - his loss if he assumes a man's career is important while a woman's isn't worth asking about. But it becomes a big deal when the attitude is systemic. So my anger would be directed towards societal norms, not one person evidencing the end result of a mistaken norm. And no, I don't see this as a men v. women issue. I know many men whom, if present, might answer the question, then mention their wife's career with pride.
That's it! You put your finger on what it is that bothers me. This is systemic. Most men would not think whether an old woman had had a career--she's just an old woman. And that attitude is endemic.

I'm not angry, by the way. But a little miffed and puzzled. I also understand that it isn't really a big deal, and doesn't make me dislike the doc.
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Old 02-02-2016, 11:54 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,845 posts, read 14,356,798 times
Reputation: 30702
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I agree with another poster -maybe he already knew what you did.

In your exams, did they ask questions about issues with eye strain at work? Maybe there were clues there.

if I remember correctly, during my eye exams when I was active duty, eye safety was stressed, so they needed to know what we did. For example we were electronic technicians and often had to solder so, they would talk to us about eye protection etc.
No to all of these. I can't think why I would have mentioned what I had done in the past to him.

He has been treating my DH though, and he is the one who alerted us to his glaucoma. So, I think he was thinking of him today when I was there. It is odd though that he didn't ask how he was doing since his surgery, instead of what career he had had. Maybe he has had updates from the surgeon? I don't know.
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Old 02-03-2016, 12:00 AM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,083 posts, read 22,934,448 times
Reputation: 35202
It would irritate me to no end. But, I'm underestimated regularly. I've won several lawsuits where I was underestimated because I was a woman not earning a great wage. I've even fired attorneys because they didn't know the new laws and won on my own before judges who also hadn't learned the new laws, and apologized for it.

On the upside, my daughter calls me the secret weapon. Underestimate me at your regret/peril. But, yes, I've been underestimated my entire life. And unfortunately, women have still not reached equality in that regard.
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