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Old 02-04-2016, 10:33 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,562 posts, read 4,111,396 times
Reputation: 15768

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Oh, ho! Since when do your kids get to tell you how and when you will vacation?

Your kids crossed a line when they "decreed" that you would only take one cruise a year. Excuse me? How is that ANY of their business? They are not the boss of you! It's your retirement -- if they want to take a cruise each year, they can darn well pay for it. Oh, wait, they can't afford it? Well, duh, you couldn't either when you were their age. Tell 'em to "suck it up, buttercups, Dad and I are goin' cruisin'!"

Stick to your original plan -- take a couple of grandkids along when you want to, once a year (which is very nice of you, BTW) -- and then do your own thing whenever you please. YOU DO NOT NEED THEIR PERMISSION TO GO ANYWHERE!!!!!

What's "greedy" and "unfair" is that your kids expect you to spend all your retirement vacation fund on THEM! Sorry your husband caved, but honestly, it's ridiculous for your kids to simply arrange your vacation plans to suit themselves. If they are angry, then shame on them. First mutter of "that's not fair!" from one of your kids, and you can smile sweetly and say, "Darling, what have I always told you? Life isn't fair . . . " Are your kids thinking it's not fair for your disabled son to go on all these cruises, but not them?

And while your husband is a lovely man, it was kinda wimpy of him to make you the bad guy. Just sayin'. Since he's the one that caved, he should be the one to clear up the "misunderstanding" with the kids.
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Old 02-04-2016, 10:40 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,412 posts, read 6,411,220 times
Reputation: 10002
Tell your kids that you can't afford it despite what your husband said. He probably doesn't know the family finance as well as you do.
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Old 02-05-2016, 07:58 AM
 
38,371 posts, read 15,024,078 times
Reputation: 24764
Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
There's no need to have a family discussion about it.

You and DH just continue to plan your cruises as usual, doing them exactly how the two of you want. Invite a family member or not, as it pleases you. If someone says "but but but I thought ...", smile sweetly and say "your dad & I planned this trip together, it's what we want to do".

Rinse and repeat as needed for every cruise you take.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyTexan View Post
Sounds like your kids planned a annual cruise for everyone that you will pay for.

Tell your kids you cannot afford to pay for them but that they are more than welcome to come along on the cruise with their kids and pay their own way.
All good advice on this thread.

Why your kids and grandkids get to decide on your vacation plans is a mystery to me. Smile sweetly, and continue spending your time and money the way you had planned.

If they want to join you, they can come up with the money and buy the tickets.

Sounds like a wonderful family gathering.

But probably will only happen once.
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Old 02-05-2016, 10:01 AM
 
Location: A tropical island
4,582 posts, read 4,457,867 times
Reputation: 11266
Quote:
Originally Posted by dblackga View Post
Oh, ho! Since when do your kids get to tell you how and when you will vacation?

Your kids crossed a line when they "decreed" that you would only take one cruise a year. Excuse me? How is that ANY of their business? They are not the boss of you! It's your retirement -- if they want to take a cruise each year, they can darn well pay for it. Oh, wait, they can't afford it? Well, duh, you couldn't either when you were their age. Tell 'em to "suck it up, buttercups, Dad and I are goin' cruisin'!"

Stick to your original plan -- take a couple of grandkids along when you want to, once a year (which is very nice of you, BTW) -- and then do your own thing whenever you please. YOU DO NOT NEED THEIR PERMISSION TO GO ANYWHERE!!!!!

What's "greedy" and "unfair" is that your kids expect you to spend all your retirement vacation fund on THEM! Sorry your husband caved, but honestly, it's ridiculous for your kids to simply arrange your vacation plans to suit themselves. If they are angry, then shame on them. First mutter of "that's not fair!" from one of your kids, and you can smile sweetly and say, "Darling, what have I always told you? Life isn't fair . . . " Are your kids thinking it's not fair for your disabled son to go on all these cruises, but not them?

And while your husband is a lovely man, it was kinda wimpy of him to make you the bad guy. Just sayin'. Since he's the one that caved, he should be the one to clear up the "misunderstanding" with the kids.
No kidding! OPs kids are so far out of line that it's hard to fathom this really even happened. But I know sometimes family dynamics are weird and dysfunctional, and behavior that is truly unacceptable feels completely normal to those in the middle of it.

It sounds like that is what has happened with OP.

OP, the fact that this even happened, and that you have to ask strangers about it, makes me think you don't grasp the extent of how completely and utterly absurd this is! You have zero reasons to worry about YOUR vacation plans making you appear "greedy or unfair." Who is being greedy and unfair here?

Most people would be thrilled if their grandparents EVER took them on a cruise, even once. That would be enormously generous right there! But for your kids to demand that it become a regular thing, and that you cut back on your own vacations with your husband in order to afford it?!? How did they develop such a sense of entitlement??
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Old 02-05-2016, 10:07 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,752,392 times
Reputation: 41141
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky3vicky View Post
He is wonderful. but he as always had trouble using his backbone.

You tell them no, that you will continue to take your cruises as YOU see fit, and not according to how THEY want it. If they want to go on a cruise, THEY can pay for it and take their OWN kids.


How is that so hard?
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Old 02-05-2016, 11:12 AM
 
7,988 posts, read 3,485,512 times
Reputation: 11248
Quit letting your kids dictate your agenda. Once you let them express their opinion see what happens? They have no business telling you who to take on their cruises.
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Old 02-05-2016, 11:58 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,832 posts, read 18,845,606 times
Reputation: 24524
I don't think the kids should be able to dictate who you choose to take on a crusie , what if one of the said grandkids were to slip off and then God forbid fall overboard how would the parents feel then ? I tell you what they would do they would blame you for the rest of your life . So you and your hubby stick to your guns and do what you want to do and if the kids want to go then make them pay for it and their kids too . You cannot provide a freebie vacay for your kids and shorties all the time .
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Old 02-05-2016, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,102 posts, read 17,439,125 times
Reputation: 41692
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
No kidding! OPs kids are so far out of line that it's hard to fathom this really even happened. But I know sometimes family dynamics are weird and dysfunctional, and behavior that is truly unacceptable feels completely normal to those in the middle of it.

It sounds like that is what has happened with OP.

OP, the fact that this even happened, and that you have to ask strangers about it, makes me think you don't grasp the extent of how completely and utterly absurd this is! You have zero reasons to worry about YOUR vacation plans making you appear "greedy or unfair." Who is being greedy and unfair here?

Most people would be thrilled if their grandparents EVER took them on a cruise, even once. That would be enormously generous right there!
But for your kids to demand that it become a regular thing, and that you cut back on your own vacations with your husband in order to afford it?!?


How did they develop such a sense of entitlement??

I agree completely.

Our son took one vacation with his grandmother & uncle. They were traveling to France and our son spoke fluent French so went mainly as their translator. BTW, we paid almost 100% of our son's expenses during the trip. Our daughter never even went on a weekend trip with the same grandparents.
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Old 02-05-2016, 05:01 PM
 
Location: The South
5,260 posts, read 3,659,162 times
Reputation: 7968
The kids need to get a little experience with disappointments in life . This will be a beginning.
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Old 02-06-2016, 11:47 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,562 posts, read 4,111,396 times
Reputation: 15768
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
No kidding! OPs kids are so far out of line that it's hard to fathom this really even happened. But I know sometimes family dynamics are weird and dysfunctional, and behavior that is truly unacceptable feels completely normal to those in the middle of it.
I can see exactly how it went down: Kids added up the cost of two or three cruises a year, and thought, "Hey, that money would cover one big cruise that included EVERYONE -- now, isn't that more fair? Who needs more than one cruise a year, anyway?" and started working on ol' Pushover Daddy.

I hope the OP sticks to her guns!
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