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Old 02-04-2016, 01:33 PM
 
635 posts, read 405,019 times
Reputation: 3608

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I love to cruise, love to take the grandkids. We have been cruising about every other year and we usually bring our disabled son and one or two grandkids with us. At a family gathering, our plans for cruising was brought up. somehow the kids got into their heads that we will take 2 grandkids on each one of the 2 or 3 [probably 2] cruises we take each year. We had decided that once a year we would take a geand child or 2, but that is all. we just cannot afford it. so, the kids came up with a plan that we would only cruise once ev ery year or year and a half and take all of the kids and grandkids with us. they talked to my husband about it and he said that would probably be alright but that he would have to ask me about it.


I do not want to do this. And I do not want to go on less vacations, that was an important part of the retirement plan. I do not want the kids to think that I am mean or greedy or unfair. I adore them. I do not know why my husband told them that it was fine with him if the kids always come with us and we cruise less, because he told me that he absolutely does not want to do that. he said he only told them that so that they would not be angry. so, now they are all upset with me.


I need to say that my husband is so good, and kind, and loving and hard working. He is wonderful. but he as always had trouble using his backbone. what shall I do?
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Old 02-04-2016, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Sugarmill Woods , FL
6,235 posts, read 5,905,458 times
Reputation: 13647
Ask the kids parents to chip in and keep doing the vacations that he wants!
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Old 02-04-2016, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Northern IL
241 posts, read 226,869 times
Reputation: 481
Wow. No kids here so not qualified to respond, so take with a grain of salt.

"So they would not be angry" part really disturbs me. What you are doing for them already is great. that and you need to be true to what makes you guys happy and sane.

I say if they are going to be angry, so be it. They will get over it. You guys needs to do wha tis good for you.

Now let's hear what others with more "cred" have to say.
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Old 02-04-2016, 01:53 PM
 
10,818 posts, read 8,067,156 times
Reputation: 17029
There's no need to have a family discussion about it.

You and DH just continue to plan your cruises as usual, doing them exactly how the two of you want. Invite a family member or not, as it pleases you. If someone says "but but but I thought ...", smile sweetly and say "your dad & I planned this trip together, it's what we want to do".

Rinse and repeat as needed for every cruise you take.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:00 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,926 posts, read 990,367 times
Reputation: 6960
Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
There's no need to have a family discussion about it.

You and DH just continue to plan your cruises as usual, doing them exactly how the two of you want. Invite a family member or not, as it pleases you. If someone says "but but but I thought ...", smile sweetly and say "your dad & I planned this trip together, it's what we want to do".

Rinse and repeat as needed for every cruise you take.



I agree. Take family cruises when the kids can afford to pay their own fares.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:46 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,305,892 times
Reputation: 12632
Since you said your hubby does not have a backbone, you will have to use yours.

You & hubby decide how you want to spend your vacations, where you want to go and how many, if any, grands you want to take. Then do so.

If family questions you, simply tell them that is what we can afford and this is how much energy we can expand. Remind them you also have a disabled son to take care of on trips. Ignore any whining, resentment, etc. Your life, your money , your time. Set up the boundaries and keep them in place. Be consistent and firm in your response or you will be run over by family looking to use you.
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Old 02-04-2016, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,878 posts, read 14,390,517 times
Reputation: 30770
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky3vicky View Post
I love to cruise, love to take the grandkids. We have been cruising about every other year and we usually bring our disabled son and one or two grandkids with us. At a family gathering, our plans for cruising was brought up. somehow the kids got into their heads that we will take 2 grandkids on each one of the 2 or 3 [probably 2] cruises we take each year. We had decided that once a year we would take a geand child or 2, but that is all. we just cannot afford it. so, the kids came up with a plan that we would only cruise once ev ery year or year and a half and take all of the kids and grandkids with us. they talked to my husband about it and he said that would probably be alright but that he would have to ask me about it.


I do not want to do this. And I do not want to go on less vacations, that was an important part of the retirement plan. I do not want the kids to think that I am mean or greedy or unfair. I adore them. I do not know why my husband told them that it was fine with him if the kids always come with us and we cruise less, because he told me that he absolutely does not want to do that. he said he only told them that so that they would not be angry. so, now they are all upset with me.


I need to say that my husband is so good, and kind, and loving and hard working. He is wonderful. but he as always had trouble using his backbone. what shall I do?
If you are taking a disabled son, I think you would have your hands full with other kids. This is on a ship, in the middle of the ocean. I wouldn't take grandkids, because I would feel concern about their wherebouts and safety all the time. I don't think you should bow to your kids' plans and reduce the thing you like to do--which is to take cruises.

Go back to your original plan, or simply stop taking grandkids with you. Keep your preferred schedule. Talk to your DH and make sure he agrees with you. Then put up a united front.
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Old 02-04-2016, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,219,341 times
Reputation: 6866
Biscuitmom nailed it.

The decision has been made and there is nothing left to discuss. Done!
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Old 02-04-2016, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,056 posts, read 17,369,523 times
Reputation: 41499
Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
There's no need to have a family discussion about it.

You and DH just continue to plan your cruises as usual, doing them exactly how the two of you want. Invite a family member or not, as it pleases you. If someone says "but but but I thought ...", smile sweetly and say "your dad & I planned this trip together, it's what we want to do".

Rinse and repeat as needed for every cruise you take.
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
Since you said your hubby does not have a backbone, you will have to use yours.

You & hubby decide how you want to spend your vacations, where you want to go and how many, if any, grands you want to take. Then do so.

If family questions you, simply tell them that is what we can afford and this is how much energy we can expand. Remind them you also have a disabled son to take care of on trips. Ignore any whining, resentment, etc. Your life, your money , your time. Set up the boundaries and keep them in place. Be consistent and firm in your response or you will be run over by family looking to use you.

Great posts.


As a parent I can not even imagine deciding for my parents or in-laws that they will take our children with them without them specifically inviting them. Demanding that they take grandchildren along and demanding that they change their retirement plans to do that. That is ridiculous!


And a grandparent I would be shocked if my children decided to who would be going on a vacation with me and my husband. And, I would refuse.


Your kids are out of line and you need to set boundaries and stick to them.
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Old 02-04-2016, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,093 posts, read 72,525,560 times
Reputation: 27566
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky3vicky View Post
I love to cruise, love to take the grandkids. We have been cruising about every other year and we usually bring our disabled son and one or two grandkids with us. At a family gathering, our plans for cruising was brought up. somehow the kids got into their heads that we will take 2 grandkids on each one of the 2 or 3 [probably 2] cruises we take each year. We had decided that once a year we would take a geand child or 2, but that is all. we just cannot afford it. so, the kids came up with a plan that we would only cruise once ev ery year or year and a half and take all of the kids and grandkids with us. they talked to my husband about it and he said that would probably be alright but that he would have to ask me about it.


I do not want to do this. And I do not want to go on less vacations, that was an important part of the retirement plan. I do not want the kids to think that I am mean or greedy or unfair. I adore them. I do not know why my husband told them that it was fine with him if the kids always come with us and we cruise less, because he told me that he absolutely does not want to do that. he said he only told them that so that they would not be angry. so, now they are all upset with me.


I need to say that my husband is so good, and kind, and loving and hard working. He is wonderful. but he as always had trouble using his backbone. what shall I do?
Sounds like your kids planned a annual cruise for everyone that you will pay for.

Tell your kids you cannot afford to pay for them but that they are more than welcome to come along on the cruise with their kids and pay their own way.
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