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Old 02-07-2016, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,623 posts, read 5,159,912 times
Reputation: 14156

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Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
You are young. Your personal goals sound reasonable. Do what suits you and your husband.


Its sounds like your husband would also like to "fix up" your home and was trying to help. May be you and he can sit down and make a more concrete plan together that doesn't include surprises


You can tell whoever asks that you're working on it. And then change the subject, like LookingatFL suggested.
I agree...maybe just be frank about your recent financial challenges and the plan you have for your fix ups. Maybe ask their opinion...should we fix X or Y first? so they feel like you value their input even if you don't.

If you've been struggling for several years towards financial recovery, you may have been depressed, which you don't always notice but often others see it when they come to your home...it can show.

I can also see the POV of those who want to make sure you are planning for a less pleasant future...the one where you are no longer able to stay in that home. So it might pay to once in a while bring up some ideas for the day when you both no longer want to stay. Like "I've been thinking someday when we are retired we'll look at villas at Del Boca Vista, that seems like the kind of place we would like." In other words, keep the conversation moving, even if you have no actual intentions to do any of those things. That will keep them off your back. The instant you start getting defensive and crabby with them about making any changes, they will start working HARDER at moving you along. But if you are keeping an open mind, you just might stumble across an idea you really like.
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Old 02-07-2016, 02:04 PM
 
536 posts, read 635,903 times
Reputation: 1473
Bette, You have a good head on your shoulders and more importantly (from your posts) a good heart and a good sense of values and family.

You'll work things out. You don't have to decide anything this weekend. You have a good plan in place and are listening to the family. That doesn't mean you have to act right away without thinking about it.

Best of luck--
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Old 02-07-2016, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Cochise County, AZ
1,325 posts, read 847,129 times
Reputation: 2874
I found this song to be really inspirational and hope you will too!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnjeMwxFuBA
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Old 02-07-2016, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,204 posts, read 8,733,393 times
Reputation: 6253
Smile See below

Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
Bette

Could you buy down but buy nicer, more up to date? Smaller, more manageable and maybe even in an HOA where they take care of outside maintenance (landscaping, etc.) thus freeing your time up.
Sure, we could but not sure we want to leave our nice, lovely neighborhood - yet. We have a lawn and pool service.

We have beautiful country club communities here where you can buy a condo/townhome for next to nothing b/c most people think the dues and club buy-in are outrageous - that could be a future option also.

The club dues may go down in a few years - all these clubs went through massive, multi million dollar renovations.

And, down the road, I wouldn't mind having a 2nd home somewhere else.

I know, lots of options....

Thanks (hope you are doing OK - I know these have been a few tough months, I'm sure)
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Old 02-07-2016, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,324 posts, read 8,394,913 times
Reputation: 20381
Stay where you are if you are happy.

Are you saying your sister wants you to buy a townhome that the mortgage is already in your name?

Who is on the deed?
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Old 02-07-2016, 05:04 PM
 
Location: R.I.
1,015 posts, read 622,543 times
Reputation: 4401
When my father passed away 6 years ago and my mother 4 years prior my sister and I inherited their home. The home was a cute 1950s ranch, and although my parents keep things like the roof, boiler, and other mechanics in perfect shape, aside from periodic new wall to wall carpeting the house was essentially unchanged since the 50s. Our very good agent suggested to my sister and I that we list the house "as is" at a fair market price because the house was in a very nice neighborhood and that was it's selling point. Within a few days of listing the house we got two full price offers and one above which we took. The woman who purchased the home told us at closing she was thrilled we did no renovations because she very much wanted a "50s" in and out styled home, and all she planned to do was pull up the carpets as there were beautiful hardwoods underneath. She also told us although we did not remember her, she had come to the yard sale we had to get rid of the unwanted furniture and other stuff in the home, and she was the person who purchased the formica dining room table and chairs that my parents put in their basement 40 years ago after they purchased a new set. My sister and I could not believe that old formica dining room set would end up back in our parents dining room after all these years. As the say, one person's junk is another person's treasure.

Bette, I share this story with you to consider not going overboard renovating, get the mechanics taken care of because you never know someone may love your old look too.

Hope all comes together for you.
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Old 02-07-2016, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,055,102 times
Reputation: 15650
Bette,
It's easy to get derailed by others in moments/times of feeling weak or confused. Everyone will have an opinion about what you should do. Within my family we are not at the top of the security scale, like the rest are. We've made our own personal safety plan that works for us but from their ultra-secure point of view they would simply not understand. If we were to follow their advice (which they have thankfully not given, but I can imagine what it would be), we could very well make an undoable mistake. I urge you to go over your plan with your husband and realize it's your circumstances, not that of others, and feel secure in your plan.

My opinion is to work on dropping the pounds first, as that is more attainable than the rest of what you need to address. Join a gym, get active, eat well. Give yourself six months doing this before you tackle the house one item at a time. It's better to have a rundown house in a great resale area (you know that, you're a realtor aren't you?) than a "better" home in a lesser area. I see homes in only fair condition here commanding high prices b/c of their area, where everyone wants to buy in.

If others "suggest," tell them you're carrying out a financial plan designed for you and keep quiet.
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:46 AM
 
4,160 posts, read 3,823,585 times
Reputation: 11439
Unless the FIL needs the money, or really wants you to pay it back, do NOT pay it back! Bad, bad, bad idea! VERY BAD IDEA! Your husband is the only heir. Your FIL may at some time need nursing home care, may spend down all his money, and wind up with Medicaid paying for the nursing home. All the money husband paid back, will wind up going to the government. Also, if FIL has substantial money, inheritance will be taxed (and the inheritance tax laws could change in the future for the worse). So if FIL really wants money back, pay him. Otherwise, put all your other debt first. Have a frank discussion with FIL about all your debt, the tax consequences, etc. and let him decide.

It sounds like your husband is not happy with the condition of the house, or he wouldn't have invited sister over to see it. Frank discussion with him about condition of the house, and what can/should be done, is in order. First, declutter. Amazing how much better you will feel if you can do this. Second, fix things that cause deterioration if neglected - roof, siding, chimney, mechanicals, etc. if needed. The LAST thing to spend money on now is redecorating if you have all this debt! If you don't want to move, and don't need to move, don't! But it sounds like you need to figure out what will make your husband happy - something is not right if he is inviting sister over for decorating ideas against your wishes.
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Old 02-08-2016, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,889 posts, read 4,906,064 times
Reputation: 19854
All the others have made some good comments, but I would like to add that your FIL would probably be able to afford an assisted living apartment since he is paying over $6500 month to his caregivers plus all the utilities, etc to keep his house going. I know that he may never want to leave his home, but maybe if you took him for a tour of a couple AL places, he might see a different way of life. In AL he would have company anytime he wants, and privacy in his apartment when he doesn't, and professionally cooked meals, laundry, housekeeping, entertainment, a driver to take him shopping and to Dr appts. It could make everyone's life easier. My MIL fought us tooth and nail and complained bitterly about moving into AL, but now she is very happy there. Unfortunately we had to do it whether she liked it or not for her safety as she was unable to manage her meds and was having dementia issues that made it unsafe for her to live independently anymore (leaving burners on, not knowing where she was at times, hording spoiled food). Good luck to you. It sounds like you are working hard to clear your debts and I respect that.
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Old 02-08-2016, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,193 posts, read 17,520,665 times
Reputation: 41995
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
All the others have made some good comments, but I would like to add that your FIL would probably be able to afford an assisted living apartment since he is paying over $6500 month to his caregivers plus all the utilities, etc to keep his house going.
I know that he may never want to leave his home, but maybe if you took him for a tour of a couple AL places, he might see a different way of life. In AL he would have company anytime he wants, and privacy in his apartment when he doesn't, and professionally cooked meals, laundry, housekeeping, entertainment, a driver to take him shopping and to Dr appts. It could make everyone's life easier. My MIL fought us tooth and nail and complained bitterly about moving into AL, but now she is very happy there. Unfortunately we had to do it whether she liked it or not for her safety as she was unable to manage her meds and was having dementia issues that made it unsafe for her to live independently anymore (leaving burners on, not knowing where she was at times, hording spoiled food). Good luck to you. It sounds like you are working hard to clear your debts and I respect that.
It is my aunt's 91st birthday today. She, too, wanted to live in her home until she died but guess what? A couple of years ago (after breaking her hip) was "forced" to move into a nursing home. There was a vacancy in the SNF where her best friend of almost 70 years lived! They had not seen each other very often in recent years as neither of them could drive independently. Now, they are as happy as school girls! They are always together, laughing, giggling and talking about the past.

And, I just found out yesterday that my aunt's first cousin, who she was very close to her entire life, just moved into that SNF, too!

While, it is a long shot, you never know if there are good friends, former neighbors or former co-workers of your FIL living in a SNF until you check out a few.
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