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Old 02-26-2016, 04:29 AM
12,694 posts, read 14,077,853 times
Reputation: 34800


This is not your last will and testament. It is his. Repeat this obvious fact to your siblings.

If your siblings have a problem with the will, they need to address this directly with the man whose will it is.
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Old 02-26-2016, 05:41 AM
536 posts, read 631,801 times
Reputation: 1473
I know of a case where a person split an inheritance he had received as executor because he thought the Will was unfair to exclude his siblings. It was a parent's will.

I know someone who refused a legacy for the understandable reason that 1. She didn't like her birth father, who had abandoned her as an infant and 2. He had given the money to her instead of to his young son by a second marriage, cutting the boy out entirely.

Neither of those resembles your situation, however. They don't even know the man? Wow.

It's up to you and I agree with the poster who reflected that there may be very little money in the estate in any case if he lives a good long life. He also might be among those who change their wills rather often.
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Old 02-26-2016, 05:51 AM
1,613 posts, read 1,518,368 times
Reputation: 3814
Tell them to call this man they never met/barely know and demand that he gift them inheritances in the amounts of their choosing. That should work out well for them.
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Old 02-26-2016, 06:05 AM
Location: Colorado Springs
4,840 posts, read 4,954,521 times
Reputation: 17308
My mother died broke.

The only stuff left to inherit was the stuff that we had given her during her final 20 years. So our agreement was that if you had given it to her, you had first dibs on the item, otherwise it was available to all or it went to Goodwill.

Everybody was satisfied with that deal.

Leaving a lot of money for heirs to squabble over creates more problems than it's worth.
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Old 02-26-2016, 06:10 AM
6,882 posts, read 7,281,254 times
Reputation: 9786
I don't recall if you used the word 'distant' relative. Great uncles don't' HAVE to be "distant" What's YOUR guess as to why he picked you?
Are you the oldest, and so maybe he just knows you more?...

I have to say: yes, of course it's his money. But no I don't think it's fair that he picked just you.
If you didn't have any special relationship with this distant uncle that the others didn't, then he "should" have spit it evenly or there should be some rationale for his wishes.

Personally I would feel guilty if I didn't know why I was picked. I wouldn't like it if my siblings were left out. So I would split it with them, after I get it. Your "distant" uncle is elderly so I don't know that I'd bother HIM with it, But unless he gave me a good reason not to -- I'd split it…..BECAUSE after I get it it's MINE…Just like after you get it (however much or little it will be) it will be YOURS to do with as YOU see fit. And if YOU feel they should get some of YOUR share, or it should have been split from the start. Then YOU have every right to do that with what will then be YOUR money.

I think even splits are the fairest way to go. The world and life isn't fair. But in families should we be fair to each other???
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Old 02-26-2016, 06:11 AM
1,532 posts, read 1,439,773 times
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Given your siblings' reaction, it sounds like your uncle has a good reason for his decision.

You don't owe them anything. It's not going to be their money. It's yours. Let them freak out. If you give them anything at all, they will never stop coming back for more until they have all of it. They sound very selfish. Why couldn't they just be happy for you?

And, as you very astutely pointed out, things could change drastically before there is any inheritance to fight over. Don't promise them anything, and when the time comes, if you are the heir, it's yours. Keep it.
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Old 02-26-2016, 06:22 AM
6,882 posts, read 7,281,254 times
Reputation: 9786
Given your siblings' reaction, it sounds like your uncle has a good reason for his decision.
Those two things have nothing to do with each other. It's only human nature in this case, for the siblings to ask and wonder why the OP was chosen and not them. I think their reaction is perfectly natural. It's also what any thinking person could imagine would happen when you pick one sibling -- for unknown reasons.

You should honor the wishes of your great uncle. He obviously saw something in your siblings where he concluded they weren't worthy of receiving an inheritance. Their reprehensible behavior now certainly supports that decision.
We have know idea if that's true at all. Exactly what did he see. given that he never met them?? Oh, what. he went by stories he heard. Oh yeah, THAT's a great basis for making these kinds of decisions.

If he wants to leave money to his niece' or nephews children (his great nieces of nephews), then don't pick just one. You're just setting up a situation for infighting.
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Old 02-26-2016, 07:25 AM
4,787 posts, read 9,301,479 times
Reputation: 12632
Selhars- You're missing something here. First of all the OP, in the first post , indicated that there was a reason why he/she was picked . Didn't tell us why and doesn't have to.

The uncle probably doesn't feel that there is anything reprehensible about the other nieces/ nephews. Do keep in mind the statement that he doesn't know them.

And why is that ? The nieces/nephews could have called him frequently, could have sent presents for special occasions, could have visited, etc. That they chose not to is a good commentary of their true opinion of the uncle. To ignore someone so that he doesn't know you, then want his money when he dies is awful.

Just because you are related by blood means nothing. No one is entitled to anything. Gimme, gimme, gimme is ridiculous. What's fair is to recognize that someone has worked an entire life for his money and it is his to do with as he wishes. He could be leaving it to a sanctuary for old dairy cows and it would be his choice alone. At least in this case it is going to someone in the family.
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Old 02-26-2016, 08:15 AM
1 posts, read 793 times
Reputation: 11
Very thoughtful comments. Tough situation dealing with people you care about. Everybody has their own emotional "junk" that fuels their emotions of envy, desire, even sometimes kindness. I agree with willow wind across the board. Don't get baited into a conversation fueled by their "junk".

If you won the lottery or came into some unexpected "windfall", do you think they would expect you to "share" with them? Maybe they would, but that is on them? And maybe you would share, but that is on you. If they expect anything (from the lottery or from your uncle) that is on them - that is their "junk". If you share out of guilt or obligation - that is on you - that is your "junk".

Ultimately, if and when you get something (from any source) that is in your control, you will make a decision. That decision will be based on your values (maturity, compassion, worldview, relationships), your circumstances, (financial, mental, emotional), your own beliefs, and ... your "junk". Good luck to you. But you seem pretty balanced. I suspect you will make a decision you and your uncle will be pleased with. But that is in the future ... maybe.

The present is the relationships with your siblings, because you care about them. You don't need to judge their opinions, avoid their opinions, or embrace their opinions. But because you care about them, you may want to simply hear them (and their junk). Not to fix them, but simply to understand. Maybe empathize. Maybe roll your eyes.
The phase, "That is fascinating. Tell me more." might be beneficial. And, "I can see why that would make you feel that way. You have given me a lot to think about."
There is no use arguing over what might never be. I am glad your parents came to your defense. That must feel good and affirming.

I also like lae60's suggestions. Wouldn't it be great if they got to know their uncle (perhaps out of the wrong motives) and actually met someone that would be meaningful relationship.

If I were you, I would enjoy your relationship with your uncle and write the first chapter of your forthcoming book, "Family - why I care so much." If it is a NYTIMES best seller, they may want to share in the profits, since many of the chapters will include their "junk".

Good luck.
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Old 02-26-2016, 08:43 AM
2,054 posts, read 1,098,169 times
Reputation: 3945
Why did he choose you and not include your siblings?

Is it because he saw something in you and not them? After all, you seem to visit him and maintain contact with him- the rest of your siblings barely seem to know him. Why should he leave something to people he barely knows? Now if this was your parent, they might have a point that you should share the inheritance. People are under no obligation to leave anybody anything in their will and they are free to leave their estate to whoever they choose.

I assume these are adults. They could have established a relationship with said relative but they didn't and now they are trying to figure out how to get something for nothing. Tell them to talk to your great uncle-I'm sure that he can tell them the reasons why they are not in the will. For all they know, you might not get much money. Suppose that he is willing you his book collection- would they want to split that as well? You shouldn't feel guilty about this.
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