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Old 02-26-2016, 10:59 AM
Location: Idaho
1,454 posts, read 1,155,436 times
Reputation: 5492



My opinions in blue

Originally Posted by selhars View Post

I have to say: yes, of course it's his money. But no I don't think it's fair that he picked just you.
If you didn't have any special relationship with this distant uncle that the others didn't, then he "should" have spit it evenly or there should be some rationale for his wishes.

It's the uncle's money and he can give to whoever that he wants. It's not for others to judge whether it is fair or not fair

Personally I would feel guilty if I didn't know why I was picked.

Why would the OP or anyone feels guilty if being picked to be an inheritor? People should only feel guilty if they do something wrong.

... it will be YOURS to do with as YOU see fit. And if YOU feel they should get some of YOUR share, or it should have been split from the start. Then YOU have every right to do that with what will then be YOUR money.

I agree that after the OP inherits the estate, he or she can decide what to do with the money. I think it is WRONG for the siblings to insist on have their 'shares' even when the uncle is still alive. They seem to be very greedy. Maybe the uncle is very wise in picking his inheritors.

I think even splits are the fairest way to go. The world and life isn't fair. But in families should we be fair to each other???

You seem to be a very kind and generous person but not knowing anything about the personalities and relationships in the OP's family, I don't think that anyone of us can decide what is 'fair' in this situation. Again, it is the uncle's money, he can do whatever he wants whether others deem his decisions to be fair or unfair.

Regarding your last statement: "But in families should we be fair to each other?", IMO, this would be ideal but not an obligation. Then maybe it is fair that only the kind and caring niece/nephew inherits the money and not the selfish, greedy siblings.
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Old 02-26-2016, 11:05 AM
26,591 posts, read 52,303,280 times
Reputation: 20423
I been named in a few instances... none ever came to fruition...

Didn't mean I was not honored to be though of so highly.

One did remarry and lived many very happy years late in life... his wife inherited the bulk and she was very good to him...

He did name just about everyone with a little remembrance...

The other needed in home medical care and had a reverse mortgage... when it was ll said and done... there really wasn't anything to fight over.

Want to add one more... the executor inherited everything which was a home in Cuppertino that sold for 1.3m

He had a younger sister that was married with kids... sweet, but not that sharp... the brother was chosen because he is a CPA.

In the end.. the brother on his own split everything... he set up scholarships for each or her 4 kids and and paid off her mortgage...

People often do have leeway.
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Old 02-26-2016, 11:09 AM
26,591 posts, read 52,303,280 times
Reputation: 20423
Off topic but related...

Did anyone read the story about a Doctor that died and wanted half his estate to be used to endow a scholarship for his almamater?

Turns out the university turned down the scholarship because is was to be for a deserving Caucasian Medical Student...

So in the end... the person that was to receive the remainder got it all because the inheritance was declined...
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Old 02-26-2016, 11:30 AM
1,187 posts, read 664,268 times
Reputation: 4119
It sounds like your great-uncle wants you to inherit this money so it will benefit you and also your daughter. Sorry if I missed this, but are you a single mother? No spouse to profit from this money or is it a spouse he likes?

The reason I ask is your great-uncle must be very aware that your brother's wife, whom he does not like, could also profit from an inheritance. Technically an inheritance is for the heir, but if one penny is used for mutual benefit the spouse could make a claim on the money in case of divorce.

I have heard estate lawyers say a big part of their business now is preventing in-laws from getting their hands on money their child will inherit, particularly with a high divorce rate.

And yes, several years in a nursing home at $80k a year or more may make this problem disappear. Too bad your parents even brought this up.
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Old 02-26-2016, 11:39 AM
Location: Raleigh
8,323 posts, read 6,169,969 times
Reputation: 11627
Tell them all its a fugazi until he dies. He could change it or remarry or spend it down in a Nursing Home or get sued...
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Old 02-26-2016, 11:45 AM
Location: Canada
5,756 posts, read 4,173,173 times
Reputation: 15485
If you don't get along with your siblings now, then don't worry about it. Take the money/land and enjoy.

BUT... big BUT! No matter the reasons why your uncle chose you, your siblings will be hurt and remain so if you don't do something about it when the time comes.

It happened to three close girlfriends of mine with their family.
They are 3 daughters who helped mon and dad out all the time, and still help the mother (who moved into a home for seniors)
There are 3 sons, the oldest one helped when he could,
the middle one was mildly slow, so he couldn't/didn't do much to help,
and the youngest son lived with them until the father passed away.

NONE of these siblings are wealthy, but are all doing just ok, financially.

The parents only had money to pay the bills, but they owned a house. In his will, the father decided that the house was to go to the youngest son. Besides still living at home with them, he was their baby and their spoiled one.

SO, after the father passed away, the youngest got the house and contents and the other siblings got nothing. It is now years later and there are still feelings of resentment towards the youngest. He was financially stable enough to pay them all a sum of money in lieu of the house, but he chose not to.

All I know is, things will NEVER be the same between him and his siblings. Very sad.
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Old 02-26-2016, 12:23 PM
Location: CT
3,461 posts, read 1,856,473 times
Reputation: 4614
Is it possible to have your uncle put his assets into an irrevocable trust? That way, as a trustee, you aren't directly getting the money and as a trustee you wouldn't pay inheritance and he'd still have access to his assets until death. As far as what you do with the trust beyond his life is no-one's business but yours.
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Old 02-26-2016, 12:48 PM
6,884 posts, read 7,284,046 times
Reputation: 9786
Selhars- You're missing something here. First of all the OP, in the first post , indicated that there was a reason why he/she was picked . Didn't tell us why and doesn't have to.
I see where the OP says the great uncle said he's confident in his decision. No where did I see where the OP said s/he knew what the reason was. Which are not the same. Did I miss that?

And why is that ? The nieces/nephews could have called him frequently, could have sent presents for special occasions, could have visited, etc.
Again I'll go back and read. But I haven't seen the OP say that s/he does any of that either. I'm not presuming the OP has any more relationship over the years with this great uncle than the siblings…other than knowing him (of him).

He currently needs friends and companions. I am trying to make sure that someone calls him and talks with him for 30 minutes a day and that everyone who calls him visits him for a week a year and accompanies him on a vacation once a year. You will pay all the expenses for these calls and trips, staying in hotels at your expense.
What days and weeks can I put you down for?
After all, you seem to visit him and maintain contact with him- the rest of your siblings barely seem to know him. Why should he leave something to people he barely knows?
I've only read up to response 20. Where before that does the OP says she does all this?
I do see in respons 21 the OP says:
NONE of us grew up knowing him I had only met him about 10 years ago when my grandmother passed (his sister) and since then have built a relationship. The one sibling that wants me to split it also had a relationship with him, which is why I think he is getting upset about everything and feeling very hurt by it. My Great uncle does not like my brothers wife..and I honestly think he is worried that she would end up with it and he doesn't want that. I think I'm just going to tell them I will deal with it when the time comes.
But some people were presuming things before the OP even clarified the situation.

Regardless, my thoughts about sharing SOMEthing with the siblings stands.

I'm not surprised many (NOT the OP) would in a knew jerk way say don't give them anything. On another board, some people said they could win 500 million dollars and not give a dine to anyone else, not even ANY family members. As was stated in one post, a whole lot of people have a whole lot of emotional baggage they're dealing with…much of it very sad.

Last edited by selhars; 02-26-2016 at 01:05 PM..
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Old 02-26-2016, 01:35 PM
491 posts, read 598,241 times
Reputation: 2095
I'd milk it for all it was worth. You better be nice to me....You should be able to get a lot out of them.

Just kidding, although with my family of origin I would probably say it, we joke like that.
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Old 02-26-2016, 01:45 PM
6,812 posts, read 3,867,159 times
Reputation: 15525
That was a very poor decision on your parent's part. As to your siblings you could tell them that anyone who doesn't stop complaining RIGHT NOW AND FOREVER will definitely not get anything. And in the meantime don't promise anything since you don't know any amounts and how it will all end anyway.
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