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Old 02-28-2016, 11:47 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,764 posts, read 7,047,160 times
Reputation: 14300

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby242250 View Post
I have been appointed 50% of my great uncles everything..He is still living and I feel awful even having to vent about this, but now my siblings have found out that this is taking place and one of them is really freaking out over it and declaring that he deserves half of it and or that it should be divided up between all the siblings...My response continues to be " THe man is still alive he has every right to do what he wants with his belongings and money that he has worked his whole life for, I'm not talking about this anymore, he could fall inlove and change his will tomorrow" Basically I just feel pressure that because he is a distant relative, that question of " why did he choose me?" Comes in and then with my siblings all up in arms about it, I'm starting to feel terrible. Should I just tell them I will split it up when and if the time comes? I don't want this drama but at the same time, there is a reason why he did pick me to handle things. I specifically asked him if maybe he could leave somethings for them and he said no that he felt confident in his decisions. I don't understand why they feel so entitled. Plus out of all my siblings only 2 of them have ever even met him before. I'm not sure what to do, my gut is telling me to just let them freak out but then the heart in me doesn't want the family to be divided all because someone left me money and not them. An honor to be chosen and a beautiful potential blessing is becoming a heavy burden and worse of all I just visited him and I am going to be so sad when his time comes. any advise on this would be greatly appreciated as I choose not to discuss this with anyone as it makes my stomach turn.
It always flabbergasts me to see or hear of how even the thought of an inheritance seems to turn the surviving relatives into a bunch of money-grabbing barracudas, but it seems to be a common phenomenon. Overgrown senses of entitlement, opportunism, some sense that life hasn't been fair to them, don't know what drives such behavior in otherwise seemingly reasonable mature individuals, but I'm sorry for people who have to deal with this as you do.

In your shoes I wouldn't discuss this with your siblings or other relatives either, in the first place it's none of their business and secondly, as you mention, things could change as your great uncle is still alive, and you can't tell what his needs will be. IMO your sibs are way out of line even asking about this or expecting any of those assets.

But just to get an idea of how your great uncle might want to see his assets divided, and to whom he might want them to go, perhaps you could ask him about this, or better yet make out a will that specifies how his remaining assets are to be divided.
IMO you are entitled to some guidance in addition to the responsibility this matter.

Good luck to you.
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Old 02-28-2016, 12:52 PM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,334,622 times
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I know a person that was in a similar situation...

She was the only person to maintain a relationship with her Uncle.... even when she was transferred for two years to the East Coast... she did a weekly call and remembered the Holidays.

She nothing had ever been said and she learned from the Uncle's Lawyer she was to inherit his home and furnishings.... he left an equal amount to the an animal shelter.

What he did do was to leave $1 to about 20 relatives... this way it could not be said that he forgot them...

I was doing some tax planning and wanted to leave property to my nieces and nephews... their father said not to... he said a kid doesn't need to go around thinking they don't need to make something of themselves because somebody is giving them a house...

I guess he has a point... never went any further... so it is still unresolved.
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Old 02-28-2016, 01:02 PM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,334,622 times
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Sometimes families come together...

I'm long term friends with 4 sisters... their father was widowed young and he was always helping out the kids... things like making little household repairs, yard work... etc.

When he became quite ill the father decided he wanted to live with the youngest and her husband who works in a Hospital...

I have never seen such an outpouring from all the sisters... they were in tears when they said what a comfort it was that he stepped up when asked by his father in law... they were also the family with more modest means...

Anyway... the will was to divide equally and the three older sisters decided they should use part of their inheritance to pay off the younger sister and brother in laws mortgage... nothing was expected or asked... they just said it was only right since he provided such comfort to their dad in his final year...

At the funeral each spoke and each said came to tears praising their brother in law... quite moving.
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Old 02-28-2016, 01:59 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,764 posts, read 7,047,160 times
Reputation: 14300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner View Post
I know a person that was in a similar situation...

She was the only person to maintain a relationship with her Uncle.... even when she was transferred for two years to the East Coast... she did a weekly call and remembered the Holidays.

She nothing had ever been said and she learned from the Uncle's Lawyer she was to inherit his home and furnishings.... he left an equal amount to the an animal shelter.

What he did do was to leave $1 to about 20 relatives... this way it could not be said that he forgot them...

I was doing some tax planning and wanted to leave property to my nieces and nephews... their father said not to... he said a kid doesn't need to go around thinking they don't need to make something of themselves because somebody is giving them a house...

I guess he has a point... never went any further... so it is still unresolved.
Couldn't you still make out a will and specify your wishes there without mentioning it to your relatives?
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Old 02-28-2016, 02:16 PM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,334,622 times
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I could... but, I wanted a trust or a new type of deed which is payable on death... either option avoid all cost and delays of probate.

I plan to be around for a long time... then again so did my friend who was killed mountain climbing... never know what's coming.

I just gave my nephew a very nice older pickup... his dad wasn't thrilled... said now he will need to add to the family policy as my nephew is a minor... he always liked that truck and last year I put all of 300 miles on it...

He was promised a little Nissan Pickup by his Grandfather on the other side of the family... they would do oil changes and did the brakes together... always said it would be his on his 16th birthday... Grandpa died of a heart attack on Christmas Eve when my nephew was 12 and Grandma sold the truck and gave him $1000

I can just see this causing problems down the line... I have 4 nieces and then there is the adage that no good deed goes unpunished.

Last edited by Ultrarunner; 02-28-2016 at 03:18 PM..
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Old 02-28-2016, 05:38 PM
 
5,469 posts, read 2,929,616 times
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Don't worry about it---something could happen to you before something happens to him!
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Old 02-28-2016, 05:52 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,278,218 times
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The best thing to do is wait until the man is actually dead and buried before counting his money however, I think your parents had no right nor business telling anyone anything about the wishes of this Uncle. It is/was not their place, it would all come out at the reading of the will and your parents have caused needless drama and bad feelings and the man is not even dead yet.
It makes me wonder if your parents motivation in telling the others was to encourage the others to badger and guilt you into giving in to them and their demands for part/all of the estate.
Personally I would remind them all it is tacky to divide the assets of someone else before they die.

Last edited by CSD610; 02-28-2016 at 07:03 PM..
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Old 02-28-2016, 07:13 PM
 
4,754 posts, read 4,038,156 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner View Post
I could... but, I wanted a trust or a new type of deed which is payable on death... either option avoid all cost and delays of probate.

I plan to be around for a long time... then again so did my friend who was killed mountain climbing... never know what's coming.

I just gave my nephew a very nice older pickup... his dad wasn't thrilled... said now he will need to add to the family policy as my nephew is a minor... he always liked that truck and last year I put all of 300 miles on it...

He was promised a little Nissan Pickup by his Grandfather on the other side of the family... they would do oil changes and did the brakes together... always said it would be his on his 16th birthday... Grandpa died of a heart attack on Christmas Eve when my nephew was 12 and Grandma sold the truck and gave him $1000

I can just see this causing problems down the line... I have 4 nieces and then there is the adage that no good deed goes unpunished.
If I wished leave my nephews an inheritance, I would do so. I would not consult their parents.

You can have trusts made that hold the assets & pay out a modest annual amount until they reach an age of X...such as 30 years of age. If you are worried about them receiving it at too young of an age to use it productively.
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Old 02-28-2016, 08:06 PM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,334,622 times
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The plan was to leave each a modest single family home that is free and clear in the SF Bay Area...

My one brother and his wife said they are financially set and the last thing his kids need is to be stuck with a rental house in a less than stellar area... their words.

They have plans for the kids and heaven forbid one might actually decide to move into one.

The Estate Lawyer said I could direct the homes sold and the assets divided are paid out over time... it could get complicated as they are all leased to long term tenants and I could see a Headline story Tenant of 35 years forced to move because Greedy Trustee forces sale...

Wait a minute... sounds like the 97 year old Burlingame woman fight going on now in the media and pending court case.

Last edited by Ultrarunner; 02-28-2016 at 09:05 PM..
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Old 02-28-2016, 08:38 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,340,170 times
Reputation: 26388
Not your problem, not your decision. If your sibs want the money they are free to discuss it with him.

In the meanwhile, know that even if he has a considerable estate right now...what you inherit may be not much. So don't be making anyone any promises!
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