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Old 02-25-2016, 09:56 PM
 
14 posts, read 12,024 times
Reputation: 31

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I have been appointed 50% of my great uncles everything..He is still living and I feel awful even having to vent about this, but now my siblings have found out that this is taking place and one of them is really freaking out over it and declaring that he deserves half of it and or that it should be divided up between all the siblings...My response continues to be " THe man is still alive he has every right to do what he wants with his belongings and money that he has worked his whole life for, I'm not talking about this anymore, he could fall inlove and change his will tomorrow" Basically I just feel pressure that because he is a distant relative, that question of " why did he choose me?" Comes in and then with my siblings all up in arms about it, I'm starting to feel terrible. Should I just tell them I will split it up when and if the time comes? I don't want this drama but at the same time, there is a reason why he did pick me to handle things. I specifically asked him if maybe he could leave somethings for them and he said no that he felt confident in his decisions. I don't understand why they feel so entitled. Plus out of all my siblings only 2 of them have ever even met him before. I'm not sure what to do, my gut is telling me to just let them freak out but then the heart in me doesn't want the family to be divided all because someone left me money and not them. An honor to be chosen and a beautiful potential blessing is becoming a heavy burden and worse of all I just visited him and I am going to be so sad when his time comes. any advise on this would be greatly appreciated as I choose not to discuss this with anyone as it makes my stomach turn.
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Old 02-25-2016, 10:21 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,985 posts, read 3,475,327 times
Reputation: 10533
It's his choice. I chose a niece because she is my Godchild and a nephew because he has helped me out tremendously. My choice, my voice. The others had opportunities to help me but chose not to. Their choice.
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Old 02-25-2016, 10:28 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,351 posts, read 6,382,104 times
Reputation: 9960
My sister named the oldest child of each her brother and sister as secondary beneficiaries, she is too lazy to name other kids. I told my oldest child to split the amount, whatever is left, probably not much. I hope it's a small amount so it's not worth getting upset over. I think it's up to you, but I agree it's premature. But how do they know, who told them?

Last edited by NewbieHere; 02-25-2016 at 10:44 PM..
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Old 02-25-2016, 10:37 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,784 posts, read 23,827,553 times
Reputation: 6195
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby242250 View Post
I have been appointed 50% of my great uncles everything..He is still living and I feel awful even having to vent about this, but now my siblings have found out that this is taking place and one of them is really freaking out over it and declaring that he deserves half of it and or that it should be divided up between all the siblings...My response continues to be " THe man is still alive he has every right to do what he wants with his belongings and money that he has worked his whole life for, I'm not talking about this anymore, he could fall inlove and change his will tomorrow" Basically I just feel pressure that because he is a distant relative, that question of " why did he choose me?" Comes in and then with my siblings all up in arms about it, I'm starting to feel terrible. Should I just tell them I will split it up when and if the time comes? I don't want this drama but at the same time, there is a reason why he did pick me to handle things. I specifically asked him if maybe he could leave somethings for them and he said no that he felt confident in his decisions. I don't understand why they feel so entitled. Plus out of all my siblings only 2 of them have ever even met him before. I'm not sure what to do, my gut is telling me to just let them freak out but then the heart in me doesn't want the family to be divided all because someone left me money and not them. An honor to be chosen and a beautiful potential blessing is becoming a heavy burden and worse of all I just visited him and I am going to be so sad when his time comes. any advise on this would be greatly appreciated as I choose not to discuss this with anyone as it makes my stomach turn.
go with your gut...
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Old 02-25-2016, 11:02 PM
 
14 posts, read 12,024 times
Reputation: 31
They have thrown numbers out there for example "oh so you'l probably give us like ten grand while you sit on 300.." that is one example of the bs I keep hearing..(meanwhile I have no idea of any actual amounts just rumors that he is well off) and who told them was my parents because they didnt want it to be a secret, they were worried that if my siblings found out later that I knew in advance that it would be even worse drama wise...which now I can see they were right because of the way they are reacting to this pre-maturely..
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Old 02-25-2016, 11:12 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,320,606 times
Reputation: 12632
Go with your gut. Honor your uncle and go with his wishes. It's his money & his decisions.

Besides, by the time he passes on, there may not be much or anything left. Much of the money could go to health care expenses, assisted living expenses, nursing home etc.

I wouldn't worry about this now. It's premature. If any of your siblings brings it up, change the conversation. Don't let them bait you into discussing it. Be strong. Stop feeling guilty . Your uncle has his reasons. He'd be rolling over in his grave after he passes if he knew you went against his intentions. His work, his money, his choice of heirs.
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Old 02-25-2016, 11:23 PM
 
14 posts, read 12,024 times
Reputation: 31
And also they have actually tried to tell my parents that they shouldn't be ok with this either, that he must not be in his right mind, and that I must've somehow manipulated the situation. Which was extremely hurtful and my parents stood up for me big time which did help. He clearly is in his right mind, this must happen to people all over the country ... I am in shock of all this craziness especially because I thought we were all so close, and just like that bam I'm the greedy one.. yikes I'm still freshly hurt by all the talking and nonsense this has all brought in one day, so my words are a bit emotional...hence my venting
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Old 02-25-2016, 11:27 PM
 
14 posts, read 12,024 times
Reputation: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
Go with your gut. Honor your uncle and go with his wishes. It's his money & his decisions.

Besides, by the time he passes on, there may not be much or anything left. Much of the money could go to health care expenses, assisted living expenses, nursing home etc.

I wouldn't worry about this now. It's premature. If any of your siblings brings it up, change the conversation. Don't let them bait you into discussing it. Be strong. Stop feeling guilty . Your uncle has his reasons. He'd be rolling over in his grave after he passes if he knew you went against his intentions. His work, his money, his choice of heirs.

thank you, I needed this outside perspective and you are absolutely right.
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Old 02-25-2016, 11:29 PM
 
13,993 posts, read 7,458,129 times
Reputation: 25567
Any lawyer or financial adviser can go on for hours telling horror stories about this. Greed and envy bring out the worst in a lot of people.

You should honor the wishes of your great uncle. He obviously saw something in your siblings where he concluded they weren't worthy of receiving an inheritance. Their reprehensible behavior now certainly supports that decision. My advice is to just ignore your siblings when they bring this up. This is something they caused by their behavior and it's going to get you nowhere to point that out. If they insist, just say you don't want to talk about it.
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Old 02-26-2016, 12:41 AM
 
Location: Tennessee at last!
1,886 posts, read 2,049,283 times
Reputation: 3796
Say sure, I'll split some it with you but the amount will be based a few considerations.

1. Due to the economy and reverse mortgage situation, he may run out of money before he passes. What percentage of his expenses are you willing to pay, should he run short?

2. He currently needs friends and companions. I am trying to make sure that someone calls him and talks with him for 30 minutes a day and that everyone who calls him visits him for a week a year and accompanies him on a vacation once a year. You will pay all the expenses for these calls and trips, staying in hotels at your expense.
What days and weeks can I put you down for?

And should your siblings do number 3, then it may be likely that your uncle will change his will to include them.
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