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View Poll Results: Move back near family or stay in relationship?
Move Back near family 26 86.67%
Stay in relationship 4 13.33%
Voters: 30. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-28-2016, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,053 posts, read 17,369,523 times
Reputation: 41499

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koda12 View Post
When we met he was working but then had an accident. I feel guilty leaving because I know he won't be able to survive financially without me. I love him & my children. We are not married but he did get me an engagement ring. I am in NO HURRY. Complicated. One would think he would compromise and we could spend half the time in New York because I am financially supporting him but he will not bend.

What would happen to him if you were not dating? I bet that he would figure out how to survive.


So, you are supporting a BF and he won't let you visit your family and your family feels uncomfortable visiting you because of him. Hmmm, he sounds rather selfish and inconsiderate.


BTW, if the tables were turned and you were injured and couldn't work what do you think that he would do? Would he support you or run away as quick as he could? Something to think about.


BTW, many people feel that if you have not set the date and have not started planning a wedding or planning for your married life you are not really engaged. I know a man that introduced every woman who he dated more than a few months as his fiancé . He must have gone through at least ten "fiancés" (they all thought that he would marry them) before he actually got married.
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Old 02-29-2016, 11:14 PM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,950,095 times
Reputation: 3901
Quote:
Originally Posted by Koda12 View Post
I retired at age 55 & moved a year ago from my family & don't know if I made a mistake. The relationship with my family is not the same even with Skype or calling; it can't compare. I left behind my adult children (35, 33, youngest 23) my grandchildren & my Parents. I know I will never get this time back. Perhaps my move was premature. I struggle with the idea of moving back but the man I am with refuses to move back. Torn up! My family & I are very close but all changed, Holidays, etc.
Do I move back to be close to my Family or stay in a relationship with my BF of 6 years?
He has no relationship with my family (complicated) which makes the distance even worse & I go alone to visit them.
"Stay in 'relationship'???" WHAT relationship? You don't HAVE a relationship. You have a TAPEWORM.


Get rid of the tapeworm by moving back to people who have more brains than you do. Maybe some of theirs may rub off on you.


This is mean-spirited, but I have to ask: are you also a bleached blonde who holds her forefinger to her cheek and scrunches her forehead while trying to make a difficult decision? Such as, "if I have $5, do I have enough to get X for $1.09 and Y for $2.99, plus tax?" Because really, that is how you portray yourself.


Best wishes, Jane
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Old 02-29-2016, 11:59 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
6,582 posts, read 3,670,806 times
Reputation: 12385
You have twenty years ahead of you... Is this how you want it to play out? You in Florida with a bf who is not supportive of your family needs but wants you to help support him? There is something wrong with this picture. That's not to say that it can't be fixed but he has no incentive to change as long as you go along with it as it is.
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Old 03-02-2016, 09:10 AM
 
1,980 posts, read 1,308,093 times
Reputation: 3398
Your whole family is right there..... move back You only have one life, and you were lucky you had them all right there. On the surface, I'd say your BF might not have your interests at heart. Sounds a bit selfish.
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Old 03-04-2016, 06:34 AM
 
21 posts, read 16,573 times
Reputation: 43
Thank you for your reply. I struggle with this. I'm not sure why I fear leaving him so much. I agree that my Partner should compromise. I feel isolated.
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Old 03-04-2016, 10:15 AM
Status: "Rock on ancient queen" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Bakersfield, Ca
1,846 posts, read 1,372,022 times
Reputation: 3945
Habit. All us chicks who've lived at all have been there at some point in our lives. You'll go when you are ready.
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Old 03-04-2016, 10:40 AM
 
662 posts, read 478,963 times
Reputation: 1690
Guilt is a big blocker to decision making, and you have it in spades: guilt about leaving the bf, guilt about leaving your parents, guilt about leaving your kids.

While the thread has gone to a place where it seems like the bf is a big problem, I suggest you find a way to let go of the guilt you have about everything. On all sides. And come to a decision about what you (YOU) want your life to be.

Guilt has been so taught/ingrained into women that it becomes second nature. No one benefits from a life you don't want to lead. Find a way to block the guilt that seems to be incapacitating you, and make the decision that's right for YOU. That final decision will be right for everyone. Even if some don't like it at first (or never).

Remove the guilt that's paralyzing you and you will know your answer.
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Old 03-04-2016, 09:17 PM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,686,468 times
Reputation: 33993
[quote=Koda12;43181945]I do think about my children possibly relocating in the future but that would be a long time away. They have made a life for themselves in New York. It's the guilt I feel, moving away from my Parents & kids. I don't get grief from BF If I want to visit them but I always thought that if you are in a relationship with someone they should accept your family. I am in the Middle so to speak. As far as finances go… I can afford to live on my own, in fact I am helping to support him.[/QUOTE]


You're very foolish. That's why he wants you away from your family.

At 55 you should really know better.

You also better think down the road what happens if you get sick? He will be in the wind, and your family is 2,000 miles away. Now what?

Last edited by seain dublin; 03-04-2016 at 09:27 PM..
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Old 03-07-2016, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,522 posts, read 8,768,030 times
Reputation: 12215
It depends on your experience. Many Americans move across country for college, economic opportunity, etc., seeing their parents maybe once or twice year after they turn 18 or so. I think this experience colors what they do as mothers and fathers when it comes to locating close to, or far away, from their grown children.

This doesn't have to be a morality play
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Old 03-08-2016, 07:56 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,070 posts, read 2,036,182 times
Reputation: 5032
Quote:
Originally Posted by jane_sm1th73 View Post
"Stay in 'relationship'???" WHAT relationship? You don't HAVE a relationship. You have a TAPEWORM.


Get rid of the tapeworm by moving back to people who have more brains than you do. Maybe some of theirs may rub off on you.


This is mean-spirited, but I have to ask: are you also a bleached blonde who holds her forefinger to her cheek and scrunches her forehead while trying to make a difficult decision? Such as, "if I have $5, do I have enough to get X for $1.09 and Y for $2.99, plus tax?" Because really, that is how you portray yourself.


Best wishes, Jane
Was that really necessary? Compassion is a very attractive attribute...meanness is not.
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