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Old 02-29-2016, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,726,438 times
Reputation: 32304

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Robyn55 and Jghorton provided excellent and thoughtful answers just above. I, too, question the use of the word "forced" in the thread title. OP, it is a heavy burden you are laying on yourself, heavy on multiple levels. Please read and re-read posts numbers eight and nine and think about them carefully!

 
Old 02-29-2016, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,948 posts, read 7,725,979 times
Reputation: 12154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Robyn55 and Jghorton provided excellent and thoughtful answers just above. I, too, question the use of the word "forced" in the thread title. OP, it is a heavy burden you are laying on yourself, heavy on multiple levels. Please read and re-read posts numbers eight and nine and think about them carefully!
Good advice. I would never expect my family to come to me if I needed help. I would more expect to go to them. Hopefully neither.
 
Old 02-29-2016, 04:17 PM
 
8,100 posts, read 7,067,151 times
Reputation: 1433
If he cannot take care of himself then you should put him in a long term care close to were you live , and just continue to work of your job ...
 
Old 02-29-2016, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,920,408 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Robyn55 and Jghorton provided excellent and thoughtful answers just above. I, too, question the use of the word "forced" in the thread title. OP, it is a heavy burden you are laying on yourself, heavy on multiple levels. Please read and re-read posts numbers eight and nine and think about them carefully!
It's usually not forced - and it's often a daughter who is being guilted into doing something like this.

My husband and I have been doing almost 15 years of elder care here now. For my late FIL and my father. My FIL moved here in 2002 and died at the end of 2004. My father moved here in early 2006. Not to mention we had to travel a lot to North Carolina and south Florida when our late mothers were sick/dying (and their elderly husbands were still alive). It hasn't always been easy - even on our terms. Although sometimes it has been relatively easy (because all of our parents were comfy financially). But I would never ever think of dislocating my whole life to care for any of our parents (and our siblings weren't even prepared to do what my husband and I have done).

FWIW - at age 68 - I cannot provide any physical assistance to my father. Except perhaps when it comes to getting his walker in and out of the car. He's not fat. But most 68 year olds can't handle a 160 pound sack of potatoes. Much less an adult human being who weighs that much. Robyn
 
Old 02-29-2016, 05:47 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,537 posts, read 39,914,033 times
Reputation: 23641
Don't retire early for this short term situation;
  1. Keep your current job if at all possible (work PT, take unpaid time off, change shift, use vacation..,work remotely, commute by air, flights are very cheap at the moment.)
  2. Get a PT gig (weekend night shft pays well)
  3. Consolidate, sell assets / downsize
  4. Get some compensation from dad (as per above)
  5. Use one of a few hundred alternate care options


I got saddled with 32 ys of eldercare and significant debt the day I turned age 18, that changed a few of my plans. Now spouse is chronically ill and will get my next 40 yrs, the needs change daily.

Hourly single income worker for last 40+ yrs.
We have been blessed, and will survive, but tomorrow is a mystery. (Good thing).

No available HC insurance for the first time in nearly 60 yrs is quite a new challenge, but comes with the territory in pre-age 65 USA.

Btw: read a few book to prepare / help with this new task. I like books on Eden Alternative, and "What are old people for?"
http://www.amazon.com/What-Are-Old-P.../dp/1889242209
 
Old 02-29-2016, 06:36 PM
 
2,132 posts, read 1,001,054 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
I don't agree with the other posters. The way I look at it - if elderly parents need care - they should move to where you are. Not the other way around.
I'm not going to say this is NEVER a solution - but it is RARELY the solution.

When you move an elderly parent, you are forcing them to leave behind everything that is familiar as well as all - ALL - of their support networks. That means all of their doctors, all of their friends, all of their social opportunities.

I did this to my father - and yes, I do now consider this to be something I did TO him and not FOR him - and it quickly devolved into a nightmare. I took him from an environment where he knew his way around, had friends, was close to my stepmother's family, and had long-established medical care -

To an area where I had to start all over with doctors for him (and had to fire several along the way), hospitals that were substandard compared to where he had been (which is not what was described to me when I asked co-workers - at my age I'd no need for hospitals - YET). Where the "social network" was restricted to one senior center with a day care program full of vegetables. Where the Elder transport didn't want to come out to where we lived - even though we were well within their area. Where "neighbors" would knock on the door and sell him lawn mowing we didn't need for 50% more than they charged other people for larger yards. Where he became more confused and bewildered because he had been taken away from the home in which he had lived for 25 years. Where he didn't know the roads, or the streets, or where the restaurants were, let alone having left all of his favorites behind.

Don't do that to him if there is any way to avoid it. Just don't.
 
Old 02-29-2016, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Forests of Maine
30,675 posts, read 49,423,020 times
Reputation: 19129
The formula used to determine your SS benefit uses 35 years of earnings and averages them.

35 years = 420 months of earnings.

If you stopped working full-time just 18 months shy, you will still have 402 months of full-time earnings. Then 18 months of part-time earnings to finish out the 420 months. If we assume that during your 18 months of part-time work, that you earn half of what you earned when you were working full-time. Then the real effect on your 35-year average earnings will be the same as if you had totally skipped working for 9 months.

411/420 = 0.98 effectively a 2% drop in life-time average earnings.
 
Old 02-29-2016, 10:43 PM
 
6,608 posts, read 3,738,816 times
Reputation: 13655
Quote:
Originally Posted by Submariner View Post
The formula used to determine your SS benefit uses 35 years of earnings and averages them.

35 years = 420 months of earnings.

If you stopped working full-time just 18 months shy, you will still have 402 months of full-time earnings. Then 18 months of part-time earnings to finish out the 420 months. If we assume that during your 18 months of part-time work, that you earn half of what you earned when you were working full-time. Then the real effect on your 35-year average earnings will be the same as if you had totally skipped working for 9 months.

411/420 = 0.98 effectively a 2% drop in life-time average earnings.
I think the OP is talking about the 8% the SS benefit goes up for every year between the ages of 62 and 66, which is unrelated to the 35 years. (I think the % it goes up is related to the base amount; for me, it's 8%.)

As for the 35 years, she probably already has more than that accumulated in her working life.
 
Old 03-01-2016, 06:00 AM
 
Location: RVA
2,164 posts, read 1,264,598 times
Reputation: 4451
The OP may be referring to that, but a $400/mo increase for a 1 1/2 year change in filing and in working makes little sense, even if it means they JUST suddenly are making more than max after years of very low wages (even then, I can't get a $400/mo increase to occur), so the increase in lifetime earnings takes a huge rise. No ones SS increases $400/mo ($4800 a year) by delaying 1.5 years if their income stays relatively normal over their career.
 
Old 03-01-2016, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,920,408 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pyewackette View Post
I'm not going to say this is NEVER a solution - but it is RARELY the solution.

When you move an elderly parent, you are forcing them to leave behind everything that is familiar as well as all - ALL - of their support networks. That means all of their doctors, all of their friends, all of their social opportunities.

I did this to my father - and yes, I do now consider this to be something I did TO him and not FOR him - and it quickly devolved into a nightmare. I took him from an environment where he knew his way around, had friends, was close to my stepmother's family, and had long-established medical care -

To an area where I had to start all over with doctors for him (and had to fire several along the way), hospitals that were substandard compared to where he had been (which is not what was described to me when I asked co-workers - at my age I'd no need for hospitals - YET). Where the "social network" was restricted to one senior center with a day care program full of vegetables. Where the Elder transport didn't want to come out to where we lived - even though we were well within their area. Where "neighbors" would knock on the door and sell him lawn mowing we didn't need for 50% more than they charged other people for larger yards. Where he became more confused and bewildered because he had been taken away from the home in which he had lived for 25 years. Where he didn't know the roads, or the streets, or where the restaurants were, let alone having left all of his favorites behind.

Don't do that to him if there is any way to avoid it. Just don't.
And the child isn't giving up the same things? Remember - we're basically talking about a child who is a senior too. A senior who has his/her own life.

Note that our senior facilities where we live - including medical facilities - are much better/more convenient than our parents had in North Carolina or south Florida. Robyn
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