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Old 03-01-2016, 07:46 AM
 
5,392 posts, read 6,529,269 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post
I think the OP is talking about the 8% the SS benefit goes up for every year between the ages of 62 and 66, which is unrelated to the 35 years. (I think the % it goes up is related to the base amount; for me, it's 8%.)

As for the 35 years, she probably already has more than that accumulated in her working life.
Add 'if they continue working/contributing to SS until 66 or whatever is their retirement age".

The 8% increase from 62 to 66 is not based upon age alone. Fine print on SS statement and SS website gives the details. Statement is an estimate assuming you work and contribute until 66

Would add that it may not make that much a difference to you dollar wise compared to the heartfelt need to take care of a parent in the final years

 
Old 03-01-2016, 07:47 AM
 
7,794 posts, read 4,381,326 times
Reputation: 11583
Some states pay family members who are indigent (on Medicaid) for in-home care. But if you have any money at all, you're on your own. I went to part-time work for several years and then took a year's unpaid leave to care for my mom in her own home, selling mine to move in with her; that's oneway to save money! Would do it again in a heartbeat. Good luck!
 
Old 03-01-2016, 11:24 PM
 
2 posts, read 2,141 times
Reputation: 25
Many thanks to all who supplied thoughtful answers. Unfortunately, my scenario is maybe rare. There is zero chance my stepfather would move out of his home, zero chance I'd be able to work part time -- the need for me to care for him fulltime is to replace his in-home attendants (a hip fracture after a fall) because he's quickly going thru his savings, and no chance he would pay me for helping him. I am physically pretty fit, so the main challenge is emotional. He is the single most stubborn individual I've ever known, and someone with a likely personality disorder which makes him an artistic genius, but socially ignorant. I can't just sell my home in another state and move there. Our home serves as a "base" for our family, and grandkids. My responsibility to them is greater than to my stepfather. Ideally, I'd like to be laid off from my job...then the unemployment would tide me over until 66 and full retirement. No, my stepfather as a former cop is beyond change, and still treats my sister and I like "a traffic stop relationship." The man is profoundly ego-centric. He has needs, but his needs threaten my family's needs. What hath hell wrought?
 
Old 03-01-2016, 11:51 PM
 
2,633 posts, read 3,372,171 times
Reputation: 6970
You are clearly making a mistake. Your situation is not rare or unique at all.

Why are you playing the martyr card here? You speak in all of these absolutes as if there are no choices here. I'm a caregiver, and you clearly have choices. And I don't understand why you are choosing to subject yourself to an abuser.

If he is running through his savings, that is ok since he will then qualify for Medicaid and then he will potentially be eligible for more home assistance.

He should go into a Nursing Home while recovering from his hip fracture or spend down until he qualifies for Medicaid, and then transition back home with home assistance, or else transition back to an assisted living situation.

You and only you, are creating your own hell.
 
Old 03-02-2016, 04:06 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,537 posts, read 39,914,033 times
Reputation: 23643
Yeah, don't do it for 'need', if at this point you are bitter.

My eldercare was 100% despised, and I was regarded as very evil and mean 24x7 for decades. I did not take it personally, as my 'worth / value' is not guaged by my popularity.

You gotta live above your circumstances, or you will always be below / supressed by them.

My parents never had 2 cents, 2 minutes, or two kind words for their own kids, we were just slaves for the farm.

Thank goodness for grandparents (12 hrs away, during the 1950's and 1960's.)

Find something you are passionate about and go do it.
Sounds like you need an advocate to arrange care for your dad, as he is currently running the bank dry. There are many options for him, get someone to dig up an affordable / sustainable solution.
Hint: ... You will not find it in the yellow pages. We cared for a neighbor couple for 10 yrs, cuz their own kids could not pull themselves away from their grandkids or their yacht. During hospice, I was the one attending them throughout the night. Cost to them or their wealthy kids = zero. There are many of us who count it a privilege to care for elders. (No matter how mean / sick they are). Many families cannot deal with it themselves, emotionally. We don't criticize, we would be overjoyed to see the kids come to their own inner peace. Just let the despised parent die in peace. They likely tried their best, but possibly not. Who knows, who cares? Water under the bridge. I have cried a flood of tears over my own parents, They may have done the same.... I will never know.
 
Old 03-02-2016, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,920,408 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by edkrane View Post
Many thanks to all who supplied thoughtful answers. Unfortunately, my scenario is maybe rare. There is zero chance my stepfather would move out of his home, zero chance I'd be able to work part time -- the need for me to care for him fulltime is to replace his in-home attendants (a hip fracture after a fall) because he's quickly going thru his savings, and no chance he would pay me for helping him. I am physically pretty fit, so the main challenge is emotional. He is the single most stubborn individual I've ever known, and someone with a likely personality disorder which makes him an artistic genius, but socially ignorant. I can't just sell my home in another state and move there. Our home serves as a "base" for our family, and grandkids. My responsibility to them is greater than to my stepfather. Ideally, I'd like to be laid off from my job...then the unemployment would tide me over until 66 and full retirement. No, my stepfather as a former cop is beyond change, and still treats my sister and I like "a traffic stop relationship." The man is profoundly ego-centric. He has needs, but his needs threaten my family's needs. What hath hell wrought?
Unfortunately - your situation isn't rare. Especially the part about the stubborn parent not being willing to move (the unusual aspect in your situation is you're dealing with a stepparent).

Apart from everything else - I don't know how a senior - single handed - can take care of a really old person who has been incapacitated by a hip fracture. Whether you're a man or a woman. When my late FIL became dead weight - a sack of potatoes - even though he was in a great SNF - the stress on my husband's back just helping him into and out of the car and into and out of a wheelchair when we were taking him on weekly outings or to doctors' appointments nearly did in my husband. He had excruciating back pain for months when this was going on (my husband was in his 60's then). And this was just helping his father with these minor things. My husband couldn't possibly have managed to bathe and clothe his father - help him with the toilet - etc. - etc. And - if the 2 of us had tried to do this stuff - then I would have become a basket case too.

You say you're physically fit. But try lifting a 150 pound sack of potatoes and/or helping it get around the house a few times a day. And see how fit you feel. Note that my late FIL had cancer and weighed about 150 pounds as a result of the cancer (he was a tall guy). If your stepfather is more normal weight - or fat/obese - then . In professional care environments - a minimum of 2 people are usually used to deal with people who are incapacitated - so (young) employees don't wind up on disability a few weeks after employment.

Also - I'd bet your stepfather's house has little or zero in the way of handicap modifications that would help anyone trying to care for him there. Would even bet 50/50 it's a 2 story house.

I honestly don't understand your motivation here. Might you at least inherit some money from this man?

I think you should put your foot down. Tell the guy he's welcome to move into an ALF or SNF near you. Help him with his finances - and his possible/probable eventual need for Medicaid when he runs out of money (he might run out of money slower in a good ALF - home aides - especially 24/7 - can be very expensive). If you're in a financial position to do so - perhaps you can help him with money.

But no way in a million years would I uproot myself to become his full time attendant. I wouldn't do that for any of my parents - much less a stepparent. I have always been willing to help (and have - over the years - done a lot for all of our parents). But I am not willing to become someone's servant. Robyn

Last edited by Robyn55; 03-02-2016 at 03:39 PM..
 
Old 03-02-2016, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,920,408 times
Reputation: 6716
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfcambridge View Post
You are clearly making a mistake. Your situation is not rare or unique at all.

Why are you playing the martyr card here? You speak in all of these absolutes as if there are no choices here. I'm a caregiver, and you clearly have choices. And I don't understand why you are choosing to subject yourself to an abuser.

If he is running through his savings, that is ok since he will then qualify for Medicaid and then he will potentially be eligible for more home assistance.

He should go into a Nursing Home while recovering from his hip fracture or spend down until he qualifies for Medicaid, and then transition back home with home assistance, or else transition back to an assisted living situation.

You and only you, are creating your own hell.
That part of the story - the part about getting Medicare rehab in a SNF after a hospital stay for a hip fracture - hasn't been mentioned/explained here. Perhaps the guy ran out of SNF Medicare rehab days after a hospitalization? Or didn't want to use them. IIRC - if it's been more than 30 days since the hospitalization - it's too late for that now. If the latter - I would bet dollars to donuts that he smokes - and wouldn't go into a SNF because you can't smoke in most those days.

Home Medicaid assistance varies from state to state. I don't even know what the deal is here in Florida (where I live). Much less any other state. Robyn
 
Old 03-02-2016, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,948 posts, read 7,725,979 times
Reputation: 12154
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robyn55 View Post
And the child isn't giving up the same things? Remember - we're basically talking about a child who is a senior too. A senior who has his/her own life.

Note that our senior facilities where we live - including medical facilities - are much better/more convenient than our parents had in North Carolina or south Florida. Robyn
I agree with Robyn. Somebody has to give up something and the one "with the need" should typically be the one giving up to get the care.
 
Old 03-02-2016, 03:54 PM
 
71,471 posts, read 71,652,652 times
Reputation: 49058
Quote:
Originally Posted by edkrane View Post
I'm 64 1/2 and had hoped to fully retire at 66, but my father's needs may change everything and I may be forced into early retirement in order to care for him in another state. Does anyone know if SS rules have any "special needs" circumstances for such a case as this. The monetary difference would be $400 per month if I retire early, which I know I will greatly need. I.E., Is there such a thing as early retirement at full retirement benefits under a special need?
there is not
 
Old 03-02-2016, 04:46 PM
 
13,874 posts, read 7,386,288 times
Reputation: 25351
Quote:
Originally Posted by edkrane View Post
Many thanks to all who supplied thoughtful answers. Unfortunately, my scenario is maybe rare. There is zero chance my stepfather would move out of his home, zero chance I'd be able to work part time -- the need for me to care for him fulltime is to replace his in-home attendants (a hip fracture after a fall) because he's quickly going thru his savings, and no chance he would pay me for helping him. I am physically pretty fit, so the main challenge is emotional. He is the single most stubborn individual I've ever known, and someone with a likely personality disorder which makes him an artistic genius, but socially ignorant. I can't just sell my home in another state and move there. Our home serves as a "base" for our family, and grandkids. My responsibility to them is greater than to my stepfather. Ideally, I'd like to be laid off from my job...then the unemployment would tide me over until 66 and full retirement. No, my stepfather as a former cop is beyond change, and still treats my sister and I like "a traffic stop relationship." The man is profoundly ego-centric. He has needs, but his needs threaten my family's needs. What hath hell wrought?
The median survival rate for a hip fracture is a bit more than a year. It's closer to 6 months for males. If your personal finances are tight enough that a year and a half is a big deal, I don't understand why you would cause yourself financial hardship for the rest of your life over this. This guy belongs in a nursing home where they have the staff and equipment to deal with him. If he won't go, why is that your problem?
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