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Old 03-03-2016, 03:41 AM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,205 posts, read 1,347,729 times
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This may be a nave question but how does someone who is non-ambulatory, who needs 24/7 care get to call the shots? Leave him alone for 6 or 8 hours, let him throw a tantrum, and then tell him he's going to a facility that can care for him.

OR - Does he own his home? Can he reverse mortgage it to get the money to continue in-home care? Or sell it to pay for a care facility.

 
Old 03-04-2016, 08:05 AM
 
2,635 posts, read 3,375,940 times
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Unfortunately, the OP is being short-sighted. I suspect there are long-standing "issues" here.

The chance of her hurting herself... physically, mentally, financially.... is pretty much guaranteed.
 
Old 03-04-2016, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,785 posts, read 4,841,461 times
Reputation: 19463
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
This may be a nave question but how does someone who is non-ambulatory, who needs 24/7 care get to call the shots? Leave him alone for 6 or 8 hours, let him throw a tantrum, and then tell him he's going to a facility that can care for him.

OR - Does he own his home? Can he reverse mortgage it to get the money to continue in-home care? Or sell it to pay for a care facility.
The reverse mortgage idea is good, if he has considerable equity, and that would be the way that I would go if he cannot be persuaded to go to AL. Then use that money to help pay for careworkers.
 
Old 03-05-2016, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,053 posts, read 17,361,139 times
Reputation: 41484
Quote:
Originally Posted by edkrane View Post
Many thanks to all who supplied thoughtful answers. Unfortunately, my scenario is maybe rare. There is zero chance my stepfather would move out of his home, zero chance I'd be able to work part time -- the need for me to care for him fulltime is to replace his in-home attendants (a hip fracture after a fall) because he's quickly going thru his savings, and no chance he would pay me for helping him. I am physically pretty fit, so the main challenge is emotional. He is the single most stubborn individual I've ever known, and someone with a likely personality disorder which makes him an artistic genius, but socially ignorant. I can't just sell my home in another state and move there. Our home serves as a "base" for our family, and grandkids. My responsibility to them is greater than to my stepfather. Ideally, I'd like to be laid off from my job...then the unemployment would tide me over until 66 and full retirement. No, my stepfather as a former cop is beyond change, and still treats my sister and I like "a traffic stop relationship." The man is profoundly ego-centric. He has needs, but his needs threaten my family's needs. What hath hell wrought?
No, you do not need to care for him. Yes, you can care for him if you are physically, emotionally and financially able to do that, but no one is forcing you to care for him. It is not like he is your biological newborn child and you legally need to care for him or Children's Protective Services will remove him from your home and take away your parental rights.

I care for my disabled spouse fulltime but if I died tomorrow (but, I really hope that I don't) or I become unable to physically care for him I have told our adult children, and my spouse, that he will go into a nursing home. They have given up enough of lives just helping me with his care and I will not force them to give up more of their lives.

Please explain your situation & post a question on the caregivers forum before you do anything drastic. You will receive answers to questions that never even occurred to you to ask.


BTW, your scenario is not rare, since I have started reading threads on caregivers forums, many, many posters have had similar situations.
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