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Old 03-09-2016, 07:29 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,277 posts, read 12,516,106 times
Reputation: 19440

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I had a similar problem, spending far too much time reading city-data and facebook or playing MMOs. There is more to life than a computer screen. I just decided to get up in the morning and do one thing a day that I wanted to get accomplished. Being busy half a day is plenty, then I get to reward myself by screwing off the rest of the time. It can be as simple as washing all the windows, cabinets and walls in the house, which makes my wife very happy. Sometimes I hit the rod and gun club for trap shooting. Sometimes I do volunteer animal care. Sometimes I do tractor work and clear brush (I have 90 acres), or cut firewood. Today I cleaned the kitchen, picked up the yard, and bought a second hand riding lawnmower. If it ever quits raining I'll spray out the weeds in the lawn and roundup under the fences. Meanwhile, there's nothing left for the new lawnmower to hit if the grass gets tall.

Don't let your life turn into drudgery. I have plenty of hobbies to keep me occupied, in between doing the stuff that actually is not optional. Variety is the spice of life, so do something different every day.

 
Old 03-09-2016, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,121 posts, read 22,989,204 times
Reputation: 35310
I agree that it might be helpful if you could realize that you are grieving. People used to wear black or a black arm band for a year or longer to not only show respect, but I think it was also so others could understand a person wouldn't be themselves while mourning. So, I would first encourage you to give yourself a break about feeling unmotivated while you're grieving.

If your weather isn't great, it will be hard to go outside and go walking. That's a problem for me and my dog right now. We still get bundled up and go take care of business, but we're not getting long walks in. It's just too nasty outside.

Writing this is reminding myself, too, that what I've done in the past is go to a shopping mall to walk when the weather was too hot or too cold or wet, etc. I used to do it all the time. And it's a great thing to do if you just aren't in the mood for company, but want to get out. Just go to the mall, or a big store and walk around for a while.

I needed something else to do for my depression (got stuff going on right now, too), but I didn't want to commit to volunteering with a group of people, where I would have to get to know new people. I just don't have it in me to do that right now. But, I asked at the local food bank if they needed someone to just fill bags up, or something mindless, thinking it wouldn't involve forming new "relationships," if you know what I mean.

Turned out, they needed someone to just go pick up food at a restaurant a few days a week and bring the food to the food bank. It would relieve the driver of the main truck from having to do it. So, three mornings a week now, I drive to the restaurant, pick up food, and drive it two miles to the food bank and drop it off. I chat just a little in both places and go home.

This just gives me a reason to get up and get dressed and be somewhere three mornings a week. I have made a commitment to show up and do this simple thing. I can take my dog in the truck with me (locking plastic container she can't get into LOL).

My counselor mentioned that the mission where they prepare hot meals for homeless people, also needs people to just show up and help prepare meals. I may add that to my schedule, once I get into a routine with my new commitment.

But, rather than try to do anything that may be a big commitment, like the things that involve kids, for now maybe you could just show up to chop vegetables at the local mission. Something that wouldn't add any stress.

It's funny, though, that once I'm up and dressed and go deliver the food, then I do usually accomplish a little more than I would have otherwise. I am still not able to accomplish as much at home as I'd like to. But, this is progress for me.

Be nice to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. And see if you can find something low-stress you can add to your schedule even just a couple days a week, like showing up to help prepare meals at the mission or something like that. It would make you get out of the house, but you wouldn't have to be "on" like you would with kids. Add that later, when you've recovered a bit, is what I'm thinking.
 
Old 03-09-2016, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,679 posts, read 3,250,875 times
Reputation: 11982
Quote:
Originally Posted by [B
Larry Caldwell;[/b]43302978]I had a similar problem, spending far too much time reading city-data and facebook or playing MMOs. There is more to life than a computer screen. I just decided to get up in the morning and do one thing a day that I wanted to get accomplished. Being busy half a day is plenty, then I get to reward myself by screwing off the rest of the time. It can be as simple as washing all the windows, cabinets and walls in the house, which makes my wife very happy. Sometimes I hit the rod and gun club for trap shooting. Sometimes I do volunteer animal care. Sometimes I do tractor work and clear brush (I have 90 acres), or cut firewood. Today I cleaned the kitchen, picked up the yard, and bought a second hand riding lawnmower. If it ever quits raining I'll spray out the weeds in the lawn and roundup under the fences. Meanwhile, there's nothing left for the new lawnmower to hit if the grass gets tall.

Don't let your life turn into drudgery. I have plenty of hobbies to keep me occupied, in between doing the stuff that actually is not optional. Variety is the spice of life, so do something different every day.
You have described it so well.....drudgery. That is what sitting in front of the computer all day/night has more or less become. A need to read everything, answer everything, etc. Always wanting to connect.

I sometimes think it's because I'm "stuck" in a senior apartment and while it is new and pretty it's not where I want to be. Problem is I can't afford much else right now. In about 4 years when I'm 78 I will have more financial flexibility. But by that time, will I have the energy. Years ago I dreamed of where I wanted to be, even down to what I wore, what kind of dog I would have, where I would do part time work. Well, that is not my reality, it's my dream or at least it was.

I have a very sweet cat that I adopted from the SPCA in June. She was a younger kitty than I thought so I went through some of the extremes that kittens do. But we both survived. We are allowed one pet per apartment, so getting her a companion kitty is out of the question. Or even a dog. I attempted volunteering at the SPCA but it was so disorganized. Never had a clear idea what my "job" was. I was mainly interested in cats but they were locked and I could not get them out of their cage. My job was to socialize the cats so they would be ready for adoption (some had lived in SPCA cages for very long periods of time). But person who would show me this and get me started never had time to work with me.

Just listened to some old Wayne Dyer talks on PBS about seeing who you are and not feeling who you are. It was good to hear the talk. I think in some ways he is a bit over the top, but he had good points, too.

Thank you for writing.
 
Old 03-09-2016, 09:52 PM
 
2,630 posts, read 1,937,998 times
Reputation: 4597
I have lots of stuff to get done too. But arthritis and a stroke sapped my ability to get much done. I can't even stand up for 5 minutes to wash dishes. My hips and lower back give out.


But to get anybody in to do anything (this happened in the middle of a renovation) is nearly impossible. These people want 80 dollars an hour per person to do anything - and that's if you can find them, let alone trust them to do stuff right. So I just leave everything where it is. Scr2w that. Doesn't bother me. It bothers my neighbors though - but I've learned to just not let them in my house. They've offered no solution but never hesitate to comment about "the mess."


Internet used to be a good way to wile away the hours. But the adware on almost every page (CD is one exception) these days makes navigating worse than Prodigy dial up 20 years ago. So I do way less of that. Thank goodness for swimming pools and sun. I'd be pretty bored without it.
 
Old 03-09-2016, 11:09 PM
 
1,206 posts, read 1,075,794 times
Reputation: 2524
I have an idea or two since you're interested in birding. I'm a beginning birder so I'm spending quite a bit of time on birding websites, trying to get myself familiar with what's out there for when the weather improves. I've already got my binoculars and a good bird book so it's a start.

The Cornell site that Robyn gave you is great. One of my friends contributes her beautiful and accurate photos to them.

Here's a link to the Audubon Society. There are chapters all over the country. I know the ones in my area have free beginning birder walks with a guide. There is so much information on their site that you'll get lost in there for hours.

National Audubon Society

I think it's going to be a fun (and inexpensive, which never hurts) hobby. I can't do rigorous hiking anymore so bird walks are more my speed. Stop and go and slow . . . works for me. Eventually I'd like to get into the photography part of it too. Just for me, to keep a record of what I've seen. Plus it gives me a good excuse to get out in the fresh air which is good for both body and soul.

Hope it works out for you.
 
Old 03-09-2016, 11:20 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
6,591 posts, read 3,674,133 times
Reputation: 12401
OP's 27 posts on this thread (so far) might be a record...averaging three per page. I think I see the problem. Put the mouse down and step away from the computer.
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