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Old 03-18-2016, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,836 posts, read 14,349,419 times
Reputation: 30688

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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
This sounds like my brother. True, he was executor of my mom's 'estate' and he has yet to share a copy of her Trust with any of us. We all know we are in it but don't know what she planned for us. He simply 'took over' everything and made my life so miserable for a few months I actually got sick. I had been renting Mom's guest house for six years and she had told BOTH of us that when she was gone I could stay there for as long as I wanted/needed to. He disagreed I guess and wanted to rent out my little house for more money. His daughter lived there for a short time but it's been empty for a year now. I don't fight him. Like you I concede to it all. I bought my own home three months after Mom died so I don't have to worry about that but I still think we should be allowed to see a copy of that Trust. The difference between you and me, I guess, is that I KNEW what a jerk my brother would be and he proved me right.
Depending on state law, he is required to show the trust agreement to anyone involved. At least that is my understanding. We gave copies of our trust to each of our kids.

You could see an attorney to find out what rights you have.
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Old 03-18-2016, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,836 posts, read 14,349,419 times
Reputation: 30688
For those of you who say you won't care what happens to your stuff because you are dead, remember that not setting your affairs in order could cause problems for your family later. I believe it is our duty to have our affairs in order as much as possible.

I have already decided who will get my fine jewelry, but I have not put that in writing. The thing is, my fine jewelry will probably not be interesting to a younger person. Whatever, that's my decision.

I don't know how to allocate my few art pieces. They aren't any of them terribly valuable. I am not sure my kids will want them.

When we broke up my mom's household before she went into an ALF, we did choose some things for ourselves, and we tried to get something for each grandchild as well. I am not convinced the grands cared that much, honestly.

As to fine antiques, I think if one wants to collect these now would be a good time.
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Old 03-18-2016, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I am donating artwork that is too big for my new place to a fund that will sell the artwork to support people who can't afford to get vet care for their animals.
This sounds like an answer to what to do with so much of my own framed artwork. Do they take the frames too? This sounds like wonderful cause. Would you mind sharing the name of the organization (either here or DM) as i believe we live in the same state, thanks.
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Old 03-18-2016, 06:20 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649
I'm planning on giving away as much as possible to family and maybe nonprofits while I'm alive. When I'm drawing my last breath I want an empty dwelling, windows open, curtains blowing, a hyacinth plant scenting up the place. Any artwork I do now will be small and unframed. Problem is the grandkids keep cluttering up my house with their stuff but with any luck they'll be grown before I run out of energy to declutter.
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Old 03-18-2016, 07:31 PM
 
6,607 posts, read 3,738,816 times
Reputation: 13655
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
My last remaining great aunt died last month at 71. Her husband was somewhat older and died a couple years back, and they lived in a large farm house. They sold the house to her daughter and her husband, who basically left it as it was. She ended up in a condo before she had to go to a SNF, and had that furnished and acquired more possessions.

The daughter's husband's parents also passed away within the past couple of years, and they have no more room to take any of Carolyn's stuff. The daughter had my grandmother, mother, or aunt (only living family left on that side) come down two nights ago to see if they wanted any of it, and is going to check with the husband's side of the family and her church to see if they want any. The rest will be donated to the Salvation Army if they want it, and I assume the rest will be disposed of before the house is sold.

In a way, I feel like a vulture picking over the dead person's possessions. Who knows whether they would have wanted anyone else to have it, unless they specified either way. We've gone through this several times now where the decedents never specified their wishes - once with one of my grandmother's neighbors who had no children or remaining family in the area to take anything. The kids basically set all the stuff out in the yard a day or so after the burial for the closer neighbors to select from, then called Waste Management, got a dumpster, and hauled the remaining stuff off. It's sad to see a life go to people they weren't close with or even worse, to the dump. I'd say the house went from all the stuff in it and dad alive to dad dead, buried, and an empty house within a week. The kids sold the place, went their separate ways, and far as I know never came back to the area.

How have you planned to have your possessions distributed once you pass on? Do you have that in your will? Are specific or valuable items going one place, and less valuable or routine items going elsewhere? How do you feel about having your possessions picked over by family, friends, and neighbors? If anything, these situations I've been involved in are really good cases for better planning before the person is incapacitated/dead.
The decedent probably didn't care.

I don't have a will yet, partly because I don't know who to leave my things to. I don't have kids and am divorced. I have siblings, but two will probably be deceased already, and I don't want to intentionally leave the other one anything.

But my thoughts go mainly to who could benefit the most and is deserving. Not who I want to give my "life" to. I'll be dead. It doesn't really matter. No one is going to cherish the things I have like I do.
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Old 03-18-2016, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Haiku
4,056 posts, read 2,568,125 times
Reputation: 5976
Possessions become so meaningless. When my mother died 10 years ago there was a bit of a squabble over some of her stuff and I ended up with a lot of it, for safe keeping (the grandkids were young and still in dorm rooms in college). Now I cannot get anybody to take any of it.

Things lose their relevance and sentimental value quickly, and commercial value also. While my wife and I have some stuff we think is nice we are not so naive to think that everyone is going to clamor for it. We have a will but it is silent on particular items and only addresses distribution of liquidated things - stocks, house, bank accounts, etc. If the heirs want to sell our art work, they can, but the proceeds go into the pool to distribute as per the will.
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Old 03-18-2016, 08:55 PM
 
498 posts, read 364,216 times
Reputation: 1678
People put too much value on their stuff.
Most stuff others inherit ends up dusty in an attic or at a thrift store.
If you are leaving stuff to someone, be sure they truly want it. 100% want it and don't just say they want it to be polite.
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Old 03-18-2016, 09:31 PM
 
26,589 posts, read 52,257,058 times
Reputation: 20405
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoByFour View Post
Possessions become so meaningless. When my mother died 10 years ago there was a bit of a squabble over some of her stuff and I ended up with a lot of it, for safe keeping (the grandkids were young and still in dorm rooms in college). Now I cannot get anybody to take any of it.

Things lose their relevance and sentimental value quickly, and commercial value also. While my wife and I have some stuff we think is nice we are not so naive to think that everyone is going to clamor for it. We have a will but it is silent on particular items and only addresses distribution of liquidated things - stocks, house, bank accounts, etc. If the heirs want to sell our art work, they can, but the proceeds go into the pool to distribute as per the will.
It really is different here... my parents and most of their friends started out with nothing but hand me downs... It was the reality of the time... I think they were married 20 years and their was no good china or silver.

This really is a country of abundance just looking at what people toss...
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Old 03-19-2016, 08:50 AM
 
12,683 posts, read 14,063,903 times
Reputation: 34742
I left all of my possessions to one couple. And they have a sealed envelope with a list which itemizes what pieces have financial value and should be sold if not wanted, and how the other non-valuable things can be disposed of quickly if they do not want them...and in this latter case the name of a resale business that has already said it wants to buy the stuff whenever I am ready to sell it.
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Old 03-19-2016, 09:22 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
7,629 posts, read 14,374,443 times
Reputation: 18706
When my father-in-law passed away, the kids (all grown adults) gathered at his place to call dibs and take home anything they wanted specifically, and then there was a house-auction (called estate sales in some neck of the woods). Sold everything off an cleared the house.

My poor husband came home promising we would "NOT put our kids thru that", but I suppose it is inevitable you have things you want that the kids don't once you pass.
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