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Old 03-24-2016, 12:46 PM
 
9,464 posts, read 5,261,647 times
Reputation: 3238

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
I can think of three couples in our neighborhood where the woman has withdrawn. Years ago, I used to see these women outside, but I haven't even seen them in a couple of years.
And I have two old friends in other states who tell me the same thing about their 70 year old wives. They both say they can't get her out of the house.

Anyone else seeing this? I've got my own suspicions about the reasons, but I wanted to hear from others first.

My reason?............Looking down the road I can see it happening to us.
I'm late wrt replying to this. I'm 66 and retired four years ago. Do I see what you are seeing where I live? Not personally because I'm extremely active and the older adults I'm friendly with are the same way or close to it. Luckily we're all in pretty good health so that makes engaging in outside activities easier.

I live in a very large city with lots of amenities that I enjoy. I can walk or talk public tranportation to just about everything I need; I sold my car about a year ago.

It sounds like these women are very depressed which,I 'm guessing, has brought on the agoraphobia which they,IMO, are suffering from.
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Old 03-24-2016, 02:27 PM
 
2,676 posts, read 1,073,156 times
Reputation: 5171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
"Senior Center", someone said.
Ain't gonna happen! I'm 71 and I just don't like being around old people.


There is nothing bad about a senior's center (55+ and on). Maybe you are thinking of a care center that is more like a palliative facility with residents that can't take care of themselves any more.

I moved to an assistive-living residence in a 20 floor high rise only 5 floors dedicated to seniors and the rest to ordinary mostly young residents. I live in a beautiful upgraded modern 5th floor apartment and huge balcony with views of the river on the left and city lights on the right, river parks just a few yards away with walking trails and where I can go fishing off the banks. Amenities on ground floor, pool, sauna, gym, library, chapel, underground heated parking.

Doesn't sound too bad at all, does it?
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Old 03-24-2016, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,672,920 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
"Senior Center", someone said.
Ain't gonna happen! I'm 71 and I just don't like being around old people.
Have you always disliked your peers? I enjoy the company of people of all ages but find I am in more tune with people of my own generation in respect to common interests and experience.
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Old 03-24-2016, 02:49 PM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12831
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Have you always disliked your peers? I enjoy the company of people of all ages but find I am in more tune with people of my own generation in respect to common interests and experience.
Good question!
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Old 03-24-2016, 02:50 PM
 
2 posts, read 7,355 times
Reputation: 67
I am only 53, but suffer from the same thing. It started when I crushed 3 vertebra in my back, and then had to go on permanent disability because they could not fix it "good enough." Shortly after this, my husband of 25 years left very unexpectedly. I am now in on incredibly small fixed income, can barely pay rent/utilities and then have to try for groceries...I have also been losing weight unwillingly, lots of stomach pain, nausea, and no appetite.
The GI doc finally decided that I had Chronic Pancreatitis, gave me an enzyme pill, nausea pill, and an appetite stimulant. However during 4 years of this, malnutrition set in, I lost a BUNCH of teeth (no dental insurance of course) and when I look in the mirror, I see a skeleton with a bunch of missing teeth. I don't want people to see me. I look like I have meth mouth, and that disturbs me worse than anything else. It also contributes to my eating problem, because I have no molars to chew with.

I have lost touch with every friend I used to have (they were, of course, mainly "couple" friends) and without work, it's truly hard to meet people, especially when you are so disgusted about your appearance.

Volunteering is difficult, because I never know when I will have a good day or bad, so it's really hard to commit.

Feel like there is very little quality of life, the only thing that keeps me going are my 3 kids, but they are all adults and out doing their own thing, although they do make me a priority, but that is my only link to the outside world. I don't even have television, because it is just too expensive.

I realize this was an extremely lengthy post, but I thought that maybe it may help some of you understand better why some of these issue may happen.

Good luck to all of you.
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Old 03-24-2016, 03:18 PM
Status: "The days are getting shorter" (set 21 days ago)
 
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
3,977 posts, read 1,116,597 times
Reputation: 5618
Quote:
Originally Posted by ABQ2015 View Post
This is not unusual for women.
I don't think it is that unusual for men either. I love puttering around the house, I have plenty of projects to keep me busy, and I don't feel the need to be out and about all the time. I also spend too much darn time on City-Data!
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Old 03-24-2016, 03:41 PM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
13,673 posts, read 8,585,088 times
Reputation: 19871
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Have you always disliked your peers? I enjoy the company of people of all ages but find I am in more tune with people of my own generation in respect to common interests and experience.
Maybe you're just old.
I'm not there yet.
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Old 03-24-2016, 06:44 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
16,423 posts, read 5,357,597 times
Reputation: 51344
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post
I don't know how old your husband is, but I see anxiety growing in a lot of people the older they get. Folks who formerly had no obvious phobias and lived normal lives often become excessively nervous in their old age. I chalk some of it up to the amount and type of TV they watch ... some news channels seem to make the an effort to induce fear in the public. They make it sound as if there are escaped prisoners, drug-addled teenagers, political terrorists, immigrants wanting to steal all the jobs, and hardcore thugs hiding behind every bush.
Your comment is quite perceptive, Jukesgrrl, as my husband (who is 75; I'm 67) is a news junkie. He watches TV news every day, reads the newspaper and listens to radio news. So his view of the world is distorted. I know he would benefit from meds but is already on a lot of heart, blood pressure and prostate medications, so many that he sometimes has trouble keeping track of them all. He says he doesn't want to take any more pills. He tried an antidepressant once years ago but quit after one day despite my pleading with him to give it a chance because he didn't like the side effects.

My husband's mother was also an anxious person, almost ridiculously so, extremely rigid and set in her ways. Because he was raised by her, he sees his behavior as normal and nothing out of the ordinary. And you are correct that the older he gets, the more anxious he becomes. Last night I went out to a movie alone. It's two streetcar stops from our neighborhood, but you would think I was going unarmed into a combat zone!

Luckily I am a homebody type and introverted by nature, so staying in a lot is not a big sacrifice. Because I love him, I am willing to accept that he is what he is, and he is not going to change. So I work around his anxieties as much as possible.
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Old 03-24-2016, 06:52 PM
 
81 posts, read 57,562 times
Reputation: 190
Well I can sort of understand that. My SO is away for three weeks and I don't love driving at night so I go out it seems every single day for about four hours then I'm done On a special trip I will go out at night so I'm clearly not a shut in, but, at 43 it seems like I should be out more or something.... I actually kind of enjoy watching movies alone at night with my dogs and knowing I'm just going out one or two nights a week....I'm a super weirdo.
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Old 03-24-2016, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,976 posts, read 3,462,838 times
Reputation: 10504
Quote:
Originally Posted by goossens View Post
I am only 53, but suffer from the same thing. It started when I crushed 3 vertebra in my back, and then had to go on permanent disability because they could not fix it "good enough." Shortly after this, my husband of 25 years left very unexpectedly. I am now in on incredibly small fixed income, can barely pay rent/utilities and then have to try for groceries...I have also been losing weight unwillingly, lots of stomach pain, nausea, and no appetite.
The GI doc finally decided that I had Chronic Pancreatitis, gave me an enzyme pill, nausea pill, and an appetite stimulant. However during 4 years of this, malnutrition set in, I lost a BUNCH of teeth (no dental insurance of course) and when I look in the mirror, I see a skeleton with a bunch of missing teeth. I don't want people to see me. I look like I have meth mouth, and that disturbs me worse than anything else. It also contributes to my eating problem, because I have no molars to chew with.

I have lost touch with every friend I used to have (they were, of course, mainly "couple" friends) and without work, it's truly hard to meet people, especially when you are so disgusted about your appearance.

Volunteering is difficult, because I never know when I will have a good day or bad, so it's really hard to commit.

Feel like there is very little quality of life, the only thing that keeps me going are my 3 kids, but they are all adults and out doing their own thing, although they do make me a priority, but that is my only link to the outside world. I don't even have television, because it is just too expensive.

I realize this was an extremely lengthy post, but I thought that maybe it may help some of you understand better why some of these issue may happen.

Good luck to all of you.
I so feel for you. My back was injured in a car accident 4 years ago and even after an operation it has taken me to this year to walk more than 1/2 a block. I did get a settlement but it does not make up for never being able to bend and the problems surrounding that. I am also on disability but am 62.

All I can offer is prayers for you. I pray for your life to get better.
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