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Old 08-02-2016, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,676,966 times
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We just got a notification that was slipped under our doors with a list of activities offered by the senior center at my apartment complex. It said that they didn't want people just sitting around watching TV or the walls. They did it in a humorous way I think so as not to offend anyone.

There was a long list of activities people could do and groups they could join and suggestions were invited if people didn't see something that appealed to them.

Some people, though, want to be shut-ins. There are two sister who live next door to me. They are happy in each other's company. They just don't want to participate in anything so they don't. You can't force people.
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Old 08-02-2016, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
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Anybody can become shut in. Chronic pain has a way of making it easiest to just stay home.
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Old 08-02-2016, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,353 posts, read 7,833,116 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chud View Post
What about women who are reclusive even within their own homes?
For example a mother/grandmother who seems to hold back and doesn't have anything to say when visitors come over, but just nods and smiles...

If this is your mother/grandmother you might consider the fact that she is hard of hearing and refuses to constantly ask people to repeat everything.

Also, is it possible that she cannot follow the conversation so is unable to contribute? Sometimes, that can be a sign of early dementia.

Depending on her own knowledge of the subject being discussed, it may not be a subject familiar to her - current movies come to mind; I'd have absolutely nothing to add since I don't go to the movies. (I can fall asleep for free at home!)

All things being equal, if her health seems good otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much. She may just enjoy seeing and hearing her children/grandchildren and listening to what they have to say about their lives and activities.
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Old 08-02-2016, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,978 posts, read 3,464,691 times
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I've been staying home more for these past two weeks as I overextended my budget this month. I usually walk to the gas station/store as I've become friends with the younger women who work there. It's also a form of exercise for me. In fact it started out as a form of therapy as my physical therapist said the best thing for me to do was walk.

I walked there today and didn't realize just how much they looked forward to my visits. One of my favorites said she thought maybe they were putting too much of their problems on me and that's why I was staying away. When I explained that it was just finances that had kept me away. She asked if I would start visiting again regardless. I agreed.

They don't realize that helping them with their problems makes me use my mind and keeps me sharp. I only offer suggestions and I also do research before I offer any advice. Sometimes it's a matter of giving websites for them to look into.

Prior to doing this I was in danger of becoming a recluse.
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Old 08-02-2016, 09:54 PM
 
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I am just wondering how many people are shut-ins because they have been disappointed and hurt by everyone they have known, and it is just easier to avoid people than risk more disappointment and hurt.

I truly think that if I survive my husband, the above will describe my situation.
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Old 08-03-2016, 05:35 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,846 posts, read 4,962,112 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953 View Post
I've been staying home more for these past two weeks as I overextended my budget this month. I usually walk to the gas station/store as I've become friends with the younger women who work there. It's also a form of exercise for me. In fact it started out as a form of therapy as my physical therapist said the best thing for me to do was walk.

I walked there today and didn't realize just how much they looked forward to my visits. One of my favorites said she thought maybe they were putting too much of their problems on me and that's why I was staying away. When I explained that it was just finances that had kept me away. She asked if I would start visiting again regardless. I agreed.

They don't realize that helping them with their problems makes me use my mind and keeps me sharp. I only offer suggestions and I also do research before I offer any advice. Sometimes it's a matter of giving websites for them to look into.

Prior to doing this I was in danger of becoming a recluse.
Human beings are social animals. Many studies have shown how having a social network can add to your life both in satisfaction and longevity.

I try to make this a priority in spite of the fact that sometimes I'm experiencing physical pain. It helps me to forget about myself.

If your budget is overextended you could just bring your own tea or sip water.
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Old 08-03-2016, 05:46 AM
 
5,825 posts, read 13,322,905 times
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My wife has lost so many of her friends, especially one, whom she has been best friends since grammar school. We get out together and with our neighbors, spend winters with a great group of friends in FL. She does transcriptions for a museum at home and when I questioned if she would like to try a few senior activities where we might make some friends, she declines. Her reason is she has had some of the best friends she could every want throughout her life and no way would find that kind of friendship at this age. She is content talking to our "winter family" on the phone and getting together with a few of them twice a year.
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Old 08-03-2016, 09:21 AM
 
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I find the more time goes by the more agoriphobic I become. I also get more and more disabled.
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Old 08-03-2016, 10:40 AM
 
3,945 posts, read 3,265,568 times
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It seems as though we are wired to work, look at the younger folks who become obsessed with the entire notion of work and consuming, forty plus years of laboring VS the few remaining years of life after work should serve as a clue when considering the lack of imagination or drive to create a different kind of life in retirement for some people. I sometimes note the time of posting here, and in doing that I realize that some people post from very early in the AM to very late at night, suggesting a lacking in mobility or, possibly one who doesn't have much else going on in their lives, beyond the social aspect of web posting.

Retirement is a fairly new concept in America, the once majority of farm working families never thought about what they were going to do in retirement, helping the next generation was just a given, and a longstanding and unquestioned way of life. The fact that today's recluse population can be seen as a component to our modern living construct is often overlooked, social isolation for many begins in their working years but becomes more noticeable upon retiring. For many it was work and home, every day, all year, and when the work stops...

Women also live with fear as a constant companion, and that is the one of underlying reasons for much of that isolation so common to many older women. Other reasons are tied to our modern social norms, including respecting the challenges others face when determining the best use of their time. My mother, when in her eighties, used to say she didn't want to be a "bother" and stayed around the house simply for the lack of a better developed social sense. Those who were active and had a fulfilling social life before their retirement are far more apt to be more sociable in their later years.

Friends don't let friends languish in a non voluntary isolation. My wife and I often invite the older folks in the neighborhood, mostly widows, but some couples, to come over in the afternoon to have something to drink, share a plate of cheeses, meats, small talk and just allowing them and us a chance to "keep up" with each other, finding out if someone may need some assistance, but never fearing the potential for the "clingon" mentality as they are for the most part fiercely independent. Some are adamant in their wanting to be left alone, and that is always respected, different strokes, and all of that..
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Old 08-03-2016, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,366 posts, read 3,706,500 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
I can think of three couples in our neighborhood where the woman has withdrawn. Years ago, I used to see these women outside, but I haven't even seen them in a couple of years.
And I have two old friends in other states who tell me the same thing about their 70 year old wives. They both say they can't get her out of the house.

Anyone else seeing this? I've got my own suspicions about the reasons, but I wanted to hear from others first.

My reason?............Looking down the road I can see it happening to us.
Why not stop in and say hello. They may need a friend.
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