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Old 08-03-2016, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,785,397 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whocares811 View Post
I am just wondering how many people are shut-ins because they have been disappointed and hurt by everyone they have known, and it is just easier to avoid people than risk more disappointment and hurt.

I truly think that if I survive my husband, the above will describe my situation.

I am so sorry that has been your experience in life. While I have known many people who have disappointed and hurt me, apparently I am somewhat luckier than you in that the group of "hurters" is certainly not everyone I have known. What a bummer for you.
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Old 08-03-2016, 08:22 PM
 
5,433 posts, read 3,471,587 times
Reputation: 13714
I'm always truly amazed at the assumptions (and leaps of faith) some people make about each other on any internet forum where they do not know the people beyond their screen name, and have no idea what the person is like in real life, but only know what each person chooses to anonymously post about themselves.

And it has nothing to do with faith in human nature or faith that people are being accurate or truthful about themselves. Self-knowledge is a variable, as is ability to filter and weigh how each person wishes to come across in a forum along with the many secrets and/or personal characteristics each person keeps to themselves.

Yes, forum discussions can be revealing, but I'd be very careful in assuming you know the full story, the full person, or really anything other than what is posted.

And what is posted could be quite lacking in describing oneself in full. And not seeing a person, one has no way to know any of the physical characteristics of the person nor full mental & personality characteristics either.

And this relates to everything posted in this shut-in discussion. Also at work are people who do not wish to notify anyone that they are, indeed, a shut-in, in their posts in this forum or in not posting in this thread.

(as an aside, Escort Rider, yes, I know you met with Curmudgeon in real life)

Last edited by matisse12; 08-03-2016 at 09:51 PM..
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Old 08-04-2016, 04:10 PM
 
6,766 posts, read 1,418,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
I am so sorry that has been your experience in life. While I have known many people who have disappointed and hurt me, apparently I am somewhat luckier than you in that the group of "hurters" is certainly not everyone I have known. What a bummer for you.
Thank you for your sympathy, but I did exaggerate without meaning to do so. I should have said or added that I have been hurt and disappointed "by everyone I have loved." That certainly does not apply to people like co-workers, for example, but it does apply to all my immediate family, those who I thought were good friends, and lovers without a single exception.

But, at least I have good health, a fairly good mind, and a comfortable middle-class life (knock wood). That is a lot more than many people can say, so I am grateful for those things, at least!
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Old 08-04-2016, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,785,397 times
Reputation: 32309
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I'm always truly amazed at the assumptions (and leaps of faith) some people make about each other on any internet forum where they do not know the people beyond their screen name, and have no idea what the person is like in real life, but only know what each person chooses to anonymously post about themselves.

And it has nothing to do with faith in human nature or faith that people are being accurate or truthful about themselves. Self-knowledge is a variable, as is ability to filter and weigh how each person wishes to come across in a forum along with the many secrets and/or personal characteristics each person keeps to themselves.

Yes, forum discussions can be revealing, but I'd be very careful in assuming you know the full story, the full person, or really anything other than what is posted.

And what is posted could be quite lacking in describing oneself in full. And not seeing a person, one has no way to know any of the physical characteristics of the person nor full mental & personality characteristics either.

And this relates to everything posted in this shut-in discussion. Also at work are people who do not wish to notify anyone that they are, indeed, a shut-in, in their posts in this forum or in not posting in this thread.

(as an aside, Escort Rider, yes, I know you met with Curmudgeon in real life)

It is of course true that it is difficult if not impossible to take the full measure of a person based solely on his or her posts here on City-Data. However, I don't think face-to-face interaction necessarily allows us to do that either because so many people have become very adept at talking a good game and putting on a favorable public face which hides their true thoughts and motives. In such cases we may see another person's "true colors" only months or years later.


However, when there is a certain consistency of posts over a period of years, I get the impression that is the real person coming through. I have followed certain people's posts during almost the entire time I have been here, which is almost six and a half years. A certain poster from New Hampshire has been consistently intensely bitter and paranoid about the government, Social Security, and the Baby Boomer generation. I honestly believe that is a very embittered and miserable person.


In other cases, a person's mental illness comes through so loud and clear that they would have to be a very good, and very consistent, actor or actress to pull off the charade. I am not talking about forming an opinion based on two or three posts, either. And neither am I willing to give any further identifying hints. But when a pattern becomes clear over a period of many months and many posts, I believe I have taken the pulse of certain people.


I do agree that if we meet a City-Data poster in person, that does give us one more avenue of judgment even if it does not give us a fool-proof method of certainty in assessment. Since you brought it up, my meeting with Curmudgeon confirmed my previous tentative judgment that he is an honest and straight-forward man; with him what you see (or read) is what you get.
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Old 08-04-2016, 09:28 PM
 
5,433 posts, read 3,471,587 times
Reputation: 13714
whocares811,

that is a fascinating link you made between becoming a shut-in in later life, and having been betrayed, disappointed, and hurt by lovers, friends, and family throughout life.

thanks for that food for thought. Betrayal, disappointment, and hurt in relationships is a very interesting topic. Probably some threads on that topic in the Psychology, Non-Romantic Relationships, and Relationships Forums.
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Old 08-05-2016, 06:06 AM
 
122 posts, read 63,690 times
Reputation: 297
I am a retired single woman of 64. I am a homebody and have always been a homebody all my life. I went out to work, to grocery shop, to doctor appointments, etc., but I like being in my home.

While I was working, I forced myself to travel someplace every year because people told me I was missing something in life. I really did not enjoy traveling all that much and have stopped doing it except for some short daytrips or possibly staying overnight. Very rarely I will stay two or three days; I don't fly because flying has become too unpleasant an experience. My credit card reward points pay for my hotel, so the biggest expense is covered.

I volunteer at a shelter several days a month and do my shopping, etc , that I need to do, but I am quite content to be at home. My children and I will go for lunch sometimes. I still drive, but there is some public transportation at low cost in my county that I will investigate further at some point in the future.

A little human contact goes a very long way for me.
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