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Old 03-23-2016, 10:36 AM
 
11,936 posts, read 20,396,567 times
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Just thought of this -- this was happening to my mother. Where we grew up had changed, and our sleepy street became a major road, it was not unusual for cars to speed My mom had a harder time negotiating getting out of the drive way. She could drive fine, it was just a combination of issues with new stop lights, more traffic.


When she got into the local senior apartments, she was pretty self sufficient, and well on her way to becoming a hermit. Those ladies broke her out of that...her last couple of years were pretty fun. It also helped that she could easily get in her car and go again.
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Old 03-23-2016, 10:39 AM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
13,673 posts, read 8,580,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jertheber View Post
I'll throw in with this observation, women usually are not really adventurous when compared to men. The reason being, they fear for their safety. After all the attention given to the so called "women's liberation movement" it's all to common to see that they have not been liberated from the violence of men, and that's a sad reality of modern society.
I agree. For the most part, we men lose our sense of adventure very slowly. I dream of driving to Belize, and I would discourage my wife from going that way; I can pick her up at the airport in Belize. She would simply be afraid for the few days it took to get through Mexico, and would not enjoy it.

And then there is that terrible case where he convinced her that sailing home from Hawaii would be fun. Authorities found the sailboat adrift and abandoned at sea; no idea exactly what happened, but apparently someone went overboard and the other attempted a rescue. So we men should keep our sense of adventure under control sometimes.
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Old 03-23-2016, 10:48 AM
 
6,256 posts, read 4,734,369 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
........

And then there is that terrible case where he convinced her that sailing home from Hawaii would be fun. Authorities found the sailboat adrift and abandoned at sea; no idea exactly what happened, but apparently someone went overboard and the other attempted a rescue. So we men should keep our sense of adventure under control sometimes.
Why? Better to die with adventure and excitement than sitting in the nursing home half live.
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Old 03-23-2016, 12:12 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,925 posts, read 989,645 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
Why? Better to die with adventure and excitement than sitting in the nursing home half live.

But not better than being at home in my very pleasant apartment. Time at home for me before I retired was always short and filled with things that had to be done. Now I find that I am happy to be home and have to make myself go out because I think I ought to.


I do walk around the neighborhood, so I am not exactly a shut in.


Certain trips are still enjoyable. I like going to the nursery and the farmers' market, but I'm no longer interested in dressing up and going anywhere.


In my case, it has nothing to do with undergarments. I quit wearing a bra years ago and they are as happy as I am. I do understand that people with a different build have different issues.


I've had enough excitement in my life to last me.
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Old 03-23-2016, 12:22 PM
 
6,256 posts, read 4,734,369 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
But not better than being at home in my very pleasant apartment. ......

My mother in law spent the last 10 years of her life at home. For 6 or 7 years she had a very pleasant apartment with surrounding gardens. Unfortunately she could no longer drive or do much. Then the mental deterioration became very significant. For the last several years she was in SNF with about the same mental ability as a 2 year old. She was happy the whole time. I would rather be active and about in the world and die well before I reach the vegetative state where sitting around an apartment is enough.
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Old 03-23-2016, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
7,116 posts, read 8,156,220 times
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You know, I think there is more to this. Sometimes it affects men, too...even younger people.

Wife and I quit driving at night. We can see fine, but the most horrific accidents occur at night, esp late at night. We have no reason to be out at that time, unless for an emergency. That's rare.

And then, I'm not crazy about the way the police are treating people at traffic stops. Last one who pulled me over (he told me I hadn't done anything wrong) wanted to know where I was going, where I had come from, and what I had been doing there. I was courteous, and he let me go without incident.

One lady my wife knows had the police show up at her door. She hadn't called them; a neighbor did. The neighbor said that her front window was broken; it wasn't. The police bombarded her with questions: did she live alone? was she diabetic? how close was her family? A couple days later, a woman from the town hall came by and wanted to do an "assessment". She walked right into the house and started taking notes. Turns out, this lady had too high an income to "qualify" for town "services". She never asked for any, and was perplexed about the whole incident.

Glad I don't live in cities any longer. Glad I look younger than I am!
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Old 03-23-2016, 12:43 PM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,205,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
Why? Better to die with adventure and excitement than sitting in the nursing home half live.
There are worse things than death. While I may agree with your overall point....

I know a woman who NEVER wanted to go flying with her husband but this one time he pressured her so much she gave in.

He crashed the plane where the Kennedy kid crashed, it set ablaze and the woman and her two kids were almost killed, covered in 3rd degree burns and it took YEARS for them to be even anything close to physically normal again.

HE walked away without a scratch.

You've probably never been in a "nursing home". Which is an outdated term. Perhaps you mean skilled care but that's not what we're talking about here.

Senior living, Assisted Living and Independent Living is dynamic and busy. You only need to go to skilled if you're physically dependent to transfer, for example, or have a serious condition like stroke paralysis etc.

I know a lady in an ALF who was the BUSIEST one in the joint at 101 years old. She EXHAUSTED everyone and even had care givers coming in 18 hrs per day starting at 6AM to shower, do full hair and makeup and outfits. For group breakfast LOL.

Memory Care is another matter and a very difficult ending but you can end up in there at a relatively young age.

You should be so lucky as to afford one when the time comes. VERY PRICEY.
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Old 03-23-2016, 01:04 PM
 
825 posts, read 564,997 times
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My mother worked at a demanding job and was happy to take early retirement in her early 60s. For more than a decade, she filled her time with hiking, swimming, volunteering, going on walks, travelling to visit family members, reading, doing a little babysitting of the grandchildren, and going out with friends and family.

Out of the blue, she suddenly became anxious about going out and doing her daily routine. This anxiety was out of character; she was normally serene and handled everything calmly--that all changed. She suffered panic attacks even in familiar settings such as the library or post office, and that made the anxiety even worse because she became consumed with worry that she would have another panic attack in front of people. She really only felt safe at home.

She had a minor fender-bender with a parked car in a supermarket parking lot (her first car acccident in her life). As a consequence, she immediately sold her car and stopped driving altogether. We had a family member move into her home and do shopping for her. Still consumed with anxiety, after a couple of years she gave up her home and settled into an assisted living community. While there, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which progressed rapidly and led to her death.

Apparently all that anxiety and worry about going out and about was the earliest sign of Alzheimer's in her. For a long time, she knew perfectly well about current events, paying her bills, and stayed sharp about all the other details of life. So her doctors and family never realized that all that anxiety was actually the beginning of Alzheimer's. The docs just put her on anti-anxiety medication, which didn't help at all.

I wonder how many older shut-ins are experiencing this same progression.
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Old 03-23-2016, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,331,777 times
Reputation: 26385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nor'Eastah View Post
You know, I think there is more to this. Sometimes it affects men, too...even younger people.

Wife and I quit driving at night. We can see fine, but the most horrific accidents occur at night, esp late at night. We have no reason to be out at that time, unless for an emergency. That's rare.

And then, I'm not crazy about the way the police are treating people at traffic stops. Last one who pulled me over (he told me I hadn't done anything wrong) wanted to know where I was going, where I had come from, and what I had been doing there. I was courteous, and he let me go without incident.

One lady my wife knows had the police show up at her door. She hadn't called them; a neighbor did. The neighbor said that her front window was broken; it wasn't. The police bombarded her with questions: did she live alone? was she diabetic? how close was her family? A couple days later, a woman from the town hall came by and wanted to do an "assessment". She walked right into the house and started taking notes. Turns out, this lady had too high an income to "qualify" for town "services". She never asked for any, and was perplexed about the whole incident.

Glad I don't live in cities any longer. Glad I look younger than I am!
Probably something to this too! I bet many older people are afraid to be judged incompetent and stuck in a nursing home. Best to fly low under the radar and stay invisible. My mom was pretty with it mentally yet she had an irrational fear of somehow attracting the attention of the authorities. She was sure nothing good would come of it!

Then I think about my Grandma. She was a shut in because she couldn't drive and she was injured in a hotel fire in her 20's so she could no longer lift her leg high enough to get on the bus. Her isolation was forced. She was widowed in her early 60's and for the rest of her life she lived in a big house with a big yard and a huge garden. She took care of everything. Usually her brother or one of my Aunts took her to the store every week or so. She lived to 93 and she died in that house.

Would be much different for me if I had tons of money. I would probably travel half the year and stay home the other half.
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Old 03-23-2016, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,102 posts, read 54,581,442 times
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I went to physical therapy yesterday, recovering from a fall down some stairs in January.

The therapist was talking to a woman, explaining something about the way her neck works and so why he had given her the exercise he had given her. After she left, he told me she is 93 years old and very angry that she cannot climb up and reach things in her high cabinets the way she used to. Her arms didn't stretch as well anymore. She wants to know WHY everything doesn't work the way it once did because she feels as if she should still be able to do everything.
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