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Old 03-25-2016, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,324 posts, read 8,394,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I'm absolutely amazed that someone thinks that, in their mid 70's that they have lots of time to plan for a future life full of activities and fun. At that age, people ought to celebrate waking up in the morning and then getting out of bed. Lots of people their age, can't and don't. I try to tell people to live your life now, not at some distant future date, because that day may not come. Circumstances change.

EG. My wife and I were planning a retirement together soon, in our mid 60's. Now she has metastatic cancer. Travel plans, moving plans etc. are all off the table. We have no plans for the future other than more chemo, and then we'll see. Live your life now.
My good friend's mother found true love at 80 years old to an 81 year old cowboy.

She moved to Wyoming and they spent a decade rounding cattle by horseback at 5am in all weather before they decided to slow down at 90.
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Old 03-25-2016, 10:23 AM
 
678 posts, read 847,143 times
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Augie, I am so sorry to hear your news. My husband, at his 60th birthday got up and said the following: "I want to look back and say I'm so glad I did, not I wish I did". It is so important to have that balance. I hope you and your wife can make some more memories together.

As for older couples finding love and fulfillment, there are a few "couples" in my mom's assisted living facility. And a friend's 90 y/o father married a woman in her early 70s about 4-5 years ago.

When is old age? I called my mom elderly when she was in her early 80s. I was reprimanded. She said old age is over 85. After age 85 I asked if she considered herself elderly now? Oh no, she told me that is over 90! Well, she turns 90 soon. We'll see what she says then!!!
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Old 03-25-2016, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,592 posts, read 54,976,646 times
Reputation: 67265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
It's possible I guess. I saw a woman last week that everyone always considered a spinster. She has always looked the same since I've known her. - a middle aged look.

So she's 70 now and taking off to live with her boyfriend on the beaches of south Texas.

She worked but stayed at home to take care of her parents. Her mother finally died at 99 years of age, and she was free!
My friend's parents remarried three years ago after being divorced for 29 years. He is in his early 80s, she in her late 70s. They had a wedding--my friend was her mom's matron of honor and her brother the best man.

They had been living across the street from each other and spending time together, but he became concerned that she didn't have enough health insurance so he suggested they remarry so she could be on his.

Recently he had a health problem, and while he was hospitalized, they realized he has dementia. He is in a home now. They had a couple of good years late in life.
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Old 03-25-2016, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,592 posts, read 54,976,646 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saralvr View Post
Augie, I am so sorry to hear your news. My husband, at his 60th birthday got up and said the following: "I want to look back and say I'm so glad I did, not I wish I did". It is so important to have that balance. I hope you and your wife can make some more memories together.

As for older couples finding love and fulfillment, there are a few "couples" in my mom's assisted living facility. And a friend's 90 y/o father married a woman in her early 70s about 4-5 years ago.

When is old age? I called my mom elderly when she was in her early 80s. I was reprimanded. She said old age is over 85. After age 85 I asked if she considered herself elderly now? Oh no, she told me that is over 90! Well, she turns 90 soon. We'll see what she says then!!!
I remember my 83-year-old grandmother telling me that Old Lady So-and-So next door had died. She was 90. My grandmother lived to 94.
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Old 03-25-2016, 10:51 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
6,757 posts, read 3,745,344 times
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My wife and I retired early and had seven great years together before she passed due to surgical complications -- certainly unexpected. I adjusted after a while and I'm perfectly happy as a reinvented single senior guy living in a new community and learning new things. Last year, after eight years on my own, I decided to think about having a female friendship relationship. Having a woman's companionship and insight is something I miss since I moved 1,000 miles from my old friends three years ago including a couple women friends. I have women friends but they are part of a couple. Well... I enrolled in Match.com. [spoiler...do not do this!] OMG!!! That was an experience. There must not be many 67 year old single and vertical men around. Yikes...Drama queens galore...high maintenance required. Many were nice but fully equipped with a large collection of children and grandchildren...something I had not considered. I bailed out after my 90 day subscription expired. That all was a big mistake and I learned a valuable lesson. You can be on your own so long that you value your independence and personal space more than you might ever imagine. That being said, I met two women who "get it" and we occasionally go out to dinner or the theater as friends and have a good time.
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Old 03-25-2016, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Hayden
446 posts, read 556,383 times
Reputation: 1147
My best friend died of a heart attack this year. He was 72.

His wife had never given any thought to what she would do if he was gone. None.

My oldest friends are living in a huge house with a big mortgage in the middle of nowhere. What happens if one of them dies? The other is left trying to keep up a house they can't afford and with pretty much zero human contact.

Why don't people plan for the future?
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Old 03-25-2016, 11:02 AM
 
4,356 posts, read 6,087,472 times
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Bad things happen to people at any age. Good things can happen at any age too. The trick is to remain open to the good so we recognize it when it happens. When my father died at age 70, my mother was 67. We urged her to see gentlemen who were interested in her but she wanted no part of it. Dinners out, shared conversation about their kids, all might (or might not) have led to something.

Augie, I'm so sorry to hear about your wife.
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Old 03-25-2016, 12:06 PM
 
9,267 posts, read 2,843,555 times
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Augie, I am so sorry for what you and your wife are going through. I wish you the best.

I don't think love is age specific either. As I've posted on CD before, my beloved FIL, who recently passed at 93, found love with a woman whom he had known since the 50s. Her husband died, my MIL died, and they became a couple. He moved to her state, where he lived until his death. He was 79 when they met up again, and had all those years of happiness with her. They took turns staying with each other (each had their own residence). I am convinced he would have died earlier had it not been for her. She is still living at 91.
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Old 03-25-2016, 02:33 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,597,639 times
Reputation: 29084
My former wife's grandmother was widowed in her early 80s and stayed single, living on her own in her own home until 101. My former mother-in-law (we maintained a great relationship) was widowed at 60 and stayed in her own home then moved to a retirement community until her death at age 94. She, too, stayed single. Both lived full, happy and active lives until their deaths. Given the longevity of women in her family (her other grandmother live to 89) I fully expect the ex to live to 110 out of spite. Sadly, she has had dementia since age 46 so she can't enjoy it.
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Old 03-25-2016, 02:45 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,221,163 times
Reputation: 10914
My parents are / were Silent Gen however with many Boomer tendencies. Let's just say, they "did the 1960s." They had a very rocky marriage. During the 1980s things came to the breaking point. They came as close to divorce as one can without doing the deed. How? But of course, 3 years of open marriage. Somehow after that they came to a new accommodation. Some admixture of room mates, FWB, husband and wife on paper. So it went for another 25 years.

Suffice it to say, when my Dad passed, it was a time of many mixed feelings for my Mom. She seems to relish being truly single. 20-20 hindsight she ought not to have gotten married in the first place. If she were from my cohort instead of hers I imagine she'd have been on a life long marriage strike.
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