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Old 03-26-2016, 02:46 AM
 
Location: in here, out there
3,064 posts, read 5,607,759 times
Reputation: 5109

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It's pipe dream. Only one of you is going to survive old age.
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Old 03-26-2016, 07:23 AM
 
6,327 posts, read 5,069,672 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Southlander View Post
Good for Aunt Matilda!

The OP has posed a very interesting question that I've been considering a lot lately.
My spouse and I are early 60s. I have rheumatoid arthritis. My mobility has decreased a fair amount the last 5 years.
We had an idea we'd do some traveling - Europe, Hawaii, Canada, a cruise or two. Maybe even buy an RV and do some travel around the US.
I don't see myself as having too many more years - maybe 10, and with limitations. No hiking 10 miles in the Alps, or even climbing the stairs in King Ludwig's castle. I'd love to get started, at least with the RV thing or a cruise or bucket-list trip once a year.
Spouse does not see himself retiring....EVER.
Trouble is, if he dies, I can't carry on the business. The kids are not interested.
He thinks he has plenty of time, and he probably does - his parents died in their 90s.
But I don't have much time left.
Go without him?
No fun.
Apparently I am going to have to kick some spouse butt very soon.
Why can't it be fun to go without him? Go! Have fun with friends or strangers. By strangers, I mean group travel.

I am so glad I was able to see and do so much while I was young. I can sit here and veg with no regrets!
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Old 03-26-2016, 07:41 AM
 
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 865,323 times
Reputation: 2367
I have , since a child, lived with the knowledge of impending loss, as I was born and raised by people old enough to be my grandparents. all of these family members have been dead -40+ years, and although I would have wished for more time with them,i appreciate and am grateful for their wisdom and unconditional love which still impacts my life.


my husband was my family for over 30 years, and since his death, I have been in a committed relationship which has become a kind of substitute family for me. most of my life has been about relationships which have functioned short or longer term as substitute family.


at this point,i often think about what I will do if the spousal substitute predeceases me, as ,based on history, I feel this is a realistic consideration. I have a "plan" in mind as to where i will go and how I will function in this new kind of life, although I feel planning too much is over functioning- something i'm good at doing .certainly, after my husband's death, I could never have conceived of my life taking the twists and turns that it has.


so,i do not expect that my life will go on as it has; consequently it's good to consider other alternatives .but life continues to surprise- in good and bad ways, as has been my experience. if one can be somewhat dispassionate about it,it might be interesting to see how it all turns out.
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Old 03-26-2016, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,423 posts, read 7,937,494 times
Reputation: 53554
We roller skate with two sexy seniors every Friday morning. She is 70 and he is 78. They have only been married for 4 years. We have started going out to lunch with them after skating and we have started going ice skating with them as well. They're super fun people!

Okay I did step out of bounds and I asked her a personal question about disrobing in front of a man after a certain age, but did tell her that she didn't have to answer if she didn't want to. Not only was she not offended but she proceeded to tell me about a specific toy. I couldn't stop laughing. This is the beginning of a really great friendship, and they have a super happy marriage. Sweet.

One other sexy senior that we skate with is 88 and has had the same girlfriend for 25 years. I asked him why he didn't marry her when I saw him last Friday morning, and his answer was short and sweet. He said I just didn't want to get married again. Why bother? Companionship is companionship with or without that piece of paper.
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Old 03-26-2016, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,862 posts, read 6,877,913 times
Reputation: 7349
Quote:
Originally Posted by Southlander View Post
Good for Aunt Matilda!

The OP has posed a very interesting question that I've been considering a lot lately.
My spouse and I are early 60s. I have rheumatoid arthritis. My mobility has decreased a fair amount the last 5 years.
We had an idea we'd do some traveling - Europe, Hawaii, Canada, a cruise or two. Maybe even buy an RV and do some travel around the US.
I don't see myself as having too many more years - maybe 10, and with limitations. No hiking 10 miles in the Alps, or even climbing the stairs in King Ludwig's castle. I'd love to get started, at least with the RV thing or a cruise or bucket-list trip once a year.
Spouse does not see himself retiring....EVER.
Trouble is, if he dies, I can't carry on the business. The kids are not interested.
He thinks he has plenty of time, and he probably does - his parents died in their 90s.
But I don't have much time left.
Go without him?
No fun.
Apparently I am going to have to kick some spouse butt very soon.
Please do kick that butt! Maybe your husband could sell a part of his business and train that person up so you all can go RVing while you can enjoy it!
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Old 03-26-2016, 01:29 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,891 posts, read 25,343,932 times
Reputation: 26389
Here's the lesson I take away from this thread. I am promising myself I will never close myself off from the possibilities of life. I don't want to miss out on a thing that comes my way.

Too often my assumptions are wrong! I always knew there was a good chance my H would die first. And he did. I always assumed I would spend the rest of my life alone. I was wrong. I think I heard that story once too often about it being more likely to be hit by lightning than love after 40!
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Old 03-26-2016, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,485 posts, read 43,812,291 times
Reputation: 47263
I have several friends in my age range (67-74) who have chosen to live together and not marry because of finances mostly. Lost benefits, lowered taxes or insurance or housing costs and in one case cause they like being "wild" in the eyes of their children and grandchildren. Whatever works for them is just fine with me.
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Old 03-26-2016, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,685 posts, read 3,254,622 times
Reputation: 12002
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Here's the lesson I take away from this thread. I am promising myself I will never close myself off from the possibilities of life. I don't want to miss out on a thing that comes my way.

Too often my assumptions are wrong! I always knew there was a good chance my H would die first. And he did. I always assumed I would spend the rest of my life alone. I was wrong. I think I heard that story once too often about it being more likely to be hit by lightning than love after 40!
I totally agree with what you have written here. And so glad you didn't close yourself off from life. I wish you many years of good health and happiness.
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Old 03-26-2016, 08:20 PM
 
29 posts, read 22,159 times
Reputation: 37
Previously posted this link in another thread, but in the U.K. at least, apparently old age starts at 85: Why Old Age starts at 85: British pensioners are pushing back the age barrier... | UK | News | Daily Express

"... our recent research revealed that at least one in four men and one in 10 women aged over 85 had sex in the last year.”
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Old 03-26-2016, 08:20 PM
 
2,684 posts, read 1,049,576 times
Reputation: 3333
There's no way to tell the future, so I see no problem with older folks "making plans." After all, even when you're 20, you can be run over by a truck. Case in point: My mother-in-law's husband passed away about 10 years ago. Five years after that, she met a very nice man in his 80s. After a couple of years, they began living together (getting married was not an option, since it too negatively affected their finances). She is now in her mid-80s and her companion is 90+. Last year, they put a down payment on a brand new apartment in a very nice assisted living center that was being built. I was amazed at their optimism, but they are thrilled with their new living arrangement and have all kinds of social plans, and both seem to be going strong. You just never know.
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