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Old 03-30-2016, 07:53 AM
 
237 posts, read 161,989 times
Reputation: 946

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
Anxiety does not always come from stress. This is a medical problem. See a doctor, and possibly a therapist. If meds helped you in the past, discuss this with a doctor. Your anxiety may have nothing to do with retiring.
I wanted to reiterate this point. Anxiety is not always psychological, it really can be medical. Before I was properly treated for thyroid issues, I had constant anxiety.

I second the suggestions to see if there are things that trigger your anxiety. Also realize that retirement is a big change, and a certain amount of anxiety about change (even good change) is normal.

As far as friendships, many people find themselves in your situation. When we are so busy working, we really don't have much time for lots of friendships outside of immediate family. Also, many retirees will move to a new city once they retire, so they have to build completely new friendships from scratch. You don't have to reach out to people; just go do something, like joining a gym, take classes in subjects that interest you, volunteer, etc. Then the friendships will develop naturally and gradually.
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Old 03-30-2016, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,442 posts, read 7,967,079 times
Reputation: 53630
I had major anxiety about retiring and adjusting to not being a workaholic. I always have to have something to do and I thought the boredom would be the death of me.

I was dead wrong. Uncontrolled anxiety is there whether you're retired, working, or even on vacation. I doubt your anxiety is related to your retirement. It sounds more like a chemical imbalance. I had a lot of anxiety that would come out of the blue during menopause. I understood what it was at the time and just let it run it's course.

Are you exercising? I'm totally addicted to that endorphin high and I seek it as often as possible. Nothing works as well as my bike and I'll admit that winter was a tad tedious without it. We did ski a lot, roller skate, and ice skate. It's not unusual for me to roller skate for two hours and then hop on my bike after for a 12 mile ride after when the weather permits. There's nothing like fun movement to trick the body into thinking that it's working. Even better for the mind.

I can't relate to the not having many friends because my life is full of that love and fun. I also have a great marriage and a wonderful husband. There are also a bunch of shorties in my life that are a constant source of joy. I would highly recommend that you try to cultivate those relationships.

I think you already know the secret to controlling your anxiety and if the medication worked then I would stick with it. I also highly recommend that you ramp up your physical activity. I haven't felt this great in years. Being retired has given me the time to exercise more and stress way less. Win win
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Old 03-30-2016, 10:11 AM
 
7,839 posts, read 4,426,441 times
Reputation: 11682
I think we all have such lofty expectations of retirement -- it's like reaching the City of Oz or Heaven or something, especially if you hate your job -- that surely a lot of people are let down by it. I have secret fears that I'll spend all day every day watching TV and eating junk food, LOL. I will have to take steps to ensure that I don't and am productive. Losing the structure of the office routine is one downside I'm sure many of us don't anticipate. But as a friend once told me, "You have to retire to something; not just from something." I would definitely get into some exercise routine to combat your anxiety; for me (and many people) regular hiking in nature with a group of like-minded people is wonderful medicine.


Good luck!
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Old 03-30-2016, 10:18 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,722 posts, read 40,123,670 times
Reputation: 23873
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
I think we all have such lofty expectations of retirement -- it's like reaching the City of Oz or Heaven or something, ... a lot of people are let down by it. .... regular hiking in nature with a group of like-minded people is wonderful medicine.


Good luck!

Agree!

I have retired 3x and still need more practice to get it right. Today I took a LONG bike ride through the rice terraces of Indonesia and it really helped my stress level. Yesterday was city stuff, and I was not a "Happy Camper". (BTW: my S-I-L takes Happy Camper tablets, and she claims it works... Disclaimer: She is NOT an MD)

Retire early - Retire Often
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Old 03-30-2016, 10:31 AM
 
11 posts, read 6,295 times
Reputation: 21
Its really nice to hear back from you folks, a kind of therapy first thing in the morning! All of you have some very good points. It has been frustrating dealing with this, for myself and for my wife. I think time of the year definitely affects my mood, winters can be very long. I have a workshop that I escape to on occasion, but heating it in the winter is difficult. I know that once I get interested, I will be good again, it just takes a little time sometimes to get the creative juices flowing. I realized early on that I didn't want to hurt my wife in any way, and have a lot of regrets for things that have been said or done, but confrontations can't be avoided, the frequency is what is concerning. I was put on medication again recently, and after a week on it, I had to stop, my guts felt like they wanted to blow up, couldn't sleep at night, it just wasn't good, so I've decided that antidepressants weren't the way to go, I thought they were, but...

I feel the need to get out and get away, but she just wants to stay home, clean house, take care of the dog, make meals, etc. That is all well and good, but not what I want to do all the time. I need a road trip or some kind of day long diversion every couple of weeks, but she wants nothing to do with it most times. I don't want to demean my wife, she is my partner and friend, and I need her, but I also feel the need to do things together other than vacuum the house! We have come to a point where we have little to talk about because I am easily angered, and she is the same. It makes it hard to talk to each other when we are afraid that either one of us could blow up. The good news is that we are both to stubborn to give up on our marriage!

I want to thank everyone for your insights, please keep it coming! Gonna keep working on it. I am going to send my doctor an email to see about getting my thyroid checked. I want us to get back to "normal".
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Old 03-30-2016, 12:55 PM
 
237 posts, read 161,989 times
Reputation: 946
The early part of retirement can be very stressful for a marriage. It's like you have to re-negotiate lots of things that you used to take for granted. Just keep the lines of communication open and work towards some compromise. It's ok to fight as long as you both fight fair. My husband and I have a fair number of separate interests, and we do these things separately. We have some shared interests that we do together. Doing some things separately keeps our conversations interesting though.
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Old 03-30-2016, 01:00 PM
 
9,704 posts, read 15,919,177 times
Reputation: 16105
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhxBarb View Post
Hope you can find some peace. I know that I had trouble at first because of the lack of routine. I had a very structured life while working, knew where to be when, and I enjoyed most of it, for the most part. Suddenly I retired and there was no routine and every day was just like another. I did miss my colleagues at work and I did miss the routines alot. I guess lack of structure can bring on anxiety.

This takes time to resolve and you probably just need more time. There are days when I wake up and think I need to get dressed for work. But now I can easily sit around and enjoy my coffee and the news in the AM. Hopefully you will get to that point soon. Peace to you.
I can relate. My kids graduated high school last year and both have moved out of the house. We are going through empty-nest syndrome while looking at retirement in 2-3 years. Things are a little bunched up!


I find my internal clock is still set to the kids. I wake up when it was time to take them to school, and I start looking at my watch when it was time to pick them up. Those years went fast!
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Old 03-30-2016, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Port Charlotte FL
1,076 posts, read 639,960 times
Reputation: 3136
move to Florida..take up bicycle riding first, fishing second..keep on rolling.
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Old 03-30-2016, 08:58 PM
 
11 posts, read 6,295 times
Reputation: 21
I am trying to decide if I should get my thyroid checked, my doctor says it was checked in 2008 and was normal then. Corgifreak, I am not sure that we are fighting fair, but you make a good point. Another retired buddy of mine is complaining because of too many distractions sucking up all his time, as in many grandchildren, we only have one young grandchild that we seldom see. We each have our problems I guess!
The Florida suggestion gave me a good chuckle, I think it would get vetoed though.
Thanks again, it helps...
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Old 03-30-2016, 09:11 PM
 
7,026 posts, read 3,904,345 times
Reputation: 14968
Quote:
Originally Posted by RPG2014 View Post
Its really nice to hear back from you folks, a kind of therapy first thing in the morning! All of you have some very good points. It has been frustrating dealing with this, for myself and for my wife. I think time of the year definitely affects my mood, winters can be very long. I have a workshop that I escape to on occasion, but heating it in the winter is difficult. I know that once I get interested, I will be good again, it just takes a little time sometimes to get the creative juices flowing. I realized early on that I didn't want to hurt my wife in any way, and have a lot of regrets for things that have been said or done, but confrontations can't be avoided, the frequency is what is concerning. I was put on medication again recently, and after a week on it, I had to stop, my guts felt like they wanted to blow up, couldn't sleep at night, it just wasn't good, so I've decided that antidepressants weren't the way to go, I thought they were, but...

I feel the need to get out and get away, but she just wants to stay home, clean house, take care of the dog, make meals, etc. That is all well and good, but not what I want to do all the time. I need a road trip or some kind of day long diversion every couple of weeks, but she wants nothing to do with it most times. I don't want to demean my wife, she is my partner and friend, and I need her, but I also feel the need to do things together other than vacuum the house! We have come to a point where we have little to talk about because I am easily angered, and she is the same. It makes it hard to talk to each other when we are afraid that either one of us could blow up. The good news is that we are both to stubborn to give up on our marriage!

I want to thank everyone for your insights, please keep it coming! Gonna keep working on it. I am going to send my doctor an email to see about getting my thyroid checked. I want us to get back to "normal".
When you feel that need to get out and get away just do it, you don't need anyone's permission. If you come back a calmer person you won't be having those confrontations - that's how they can be avoided.


After you go for a while without those confrontations your wife may be a lot more amenable to sometimes going along but why would she want to seal herself in the car with you if every time you do it now it becomes unpleasant? I don't believe that anyone should be making unwanted changes in someone else's life because they are going through a change like retirement themselves.
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