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Old 04-05-2016, 08:42 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,869 posts, read 14,383,691 times
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My mom's doc told her in no uncertain terms that it was time for her to stop driving. Because he (as an authority figure) told her this, she could accept it. We had been concerned for awhile, and I even rode with her. I thought she was sort of OK in her very small town environment, but I also knew that her reflexes were slowed and her mind had trouble processing the things she needed to process when she drove.

We were just lucky that she did not have a bad accident in those last few months of her driving. She did NOT want to give up her license.

If the older gentleman refuses to give up his license, then honestly, I'd disable the car. You don't have to tell him; just do it. But it is best if he accepts that he should no longer drive. And the family knows that this will hard. But, responsible people do the things they know they need to.
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Old 04-06-2016, 05:34 AM
 
Location: Ponte Vedra Beach FL
14,628 posts, read 17,932,507 times
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Some people might give up driving if they lost their insurance. Has anyone here seen an insurance company cancel a policy - especially after an accident (I haven't)? Robyn
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Old 04-06-2016, 06:43 AM
 
480 posts, read 399,924 times
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This is an important point, that in my opinion cannot be stressed too often.

These actions all signal that a portion of you, the person, has died. Our body is still breathing, we are conscious, but life as we knew it is over. There is no going back. Not only that, by becoming dependent, we have gone down in everyone's estimation and we know it. To the household help, we are the doddering old lady or man. To the rest of the world, we are in the Old Folk's Home. We are having our noses rubbed in the fact that our life's striving has come to very little. No wonder we resist being made to give up our selves a bit at a time, like having our teeth pulled with no anesthetic. We guard our egos more fiercely than anything we own.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post

Yes, he may "put up resistance." Giving up a driving license, having to have daily help intrude into one's personal environment, being taken out of one's home and put in a residence, etc.- these are losses of freedom, autonomy - however necessary they may be. And in my observation and experience a great many who have to "submit" to these (necessary) measures really feel that a huge chunk of themselves has been cut out, and feel that they have been brutalized. .
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Old 04-06-2016, 09:14 AM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,181 posts, read 2,856,933 times
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My mother stopped driving after she had 3 children - in her early 20's. She relied on my dad and city buses or her bike ever since that time. So to say you're "dying" is pure bullpucky.

My inlaws refused to take cabs and mass transit - because that was "beneath them".
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Old 04-07-2016, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,784 posts, read 4,838,667 times
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I had a discussion with the director at an assisted living facility who give me such an accurate description of what it is like for an elderly/ dementia patient to lose things, such as access to driving. It really helped us put it all into perspective so that we could understand why MIL fought so hard over some things. Her description went like this: Imagine that an all powerful person gave you six cards and asked you to write one thing on each card that was most important in life. Then imagine that this person said you had to hand over 3 cards and those things are lost forever to you. Then each year you have to give over another card, until in the end you have nothing left that was ever important to you.

Autonomy of travel is the first card that most folks have to hand over, in the form of the car keys. It's an important loss and should be seen as such. Unfortunately for the safety of that person and, more importantly, innocent bystanders it is often necessary. It is the first of many things that we will all lose. We will be there someday. Good for the OP's wife and sisters for taking on the difficult task and for seeing to it that he has alternate ways to get around.
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Old 04-07-2016, 05:45 PM
 
Location: The South
5,226 posts, read 3,637,448 times
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The late Charlton Heston said something like this, "I'll give up my guns when they pry my cold dead fingers from the barrel.
I'm approaching 79 and and with the substitution of Car for Guns and Steering Wheel for Barrel, I like his statement.
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Old 04-07-2016, 06:40 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,740,386 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourown2feet View Post
This is an important point, that in my opinion cannot be stressed too often.

These actions all signal that a portion of you, the person, has died. Our body is still breathing, we are conscious, but life as we knew it is over. There is no going back. Not only that, by becoming dependent, we have gone down in everyone's estimation and we know it. To the household help, we are the doddering old lady or man. To the rest of the world, we are in the Old Folk's Home. We are having our noses rubbed in the fact that our life's striving has come to very little. No wonder we resist being made to give up our selves a bit at a time, like having our teeth pulled with no anesthetic. We guard our egos more fiercely than anything we own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlb View Post
My mother stopped driving after she had 3 children - in her early 20's. She relied on my dad and city buses or her bike ever since that time. So to say you're "dying" is pure bullpucky.

My inlaws refused to take cabs and mass transit - because that was "beneath them".
I agree with Yourown2feet about the dying part, which remains true despite some exceptions such as the one cited by mlb in the second quote above. Mlb, part of the difference is probably that your mother wanted to stop driving, she wasn't forced or coerced to stop driving because of mental and/or physical impairment. At least that is the way I interpret your post in the absence of a statement as to why she stopped. By the way, why did she stop driving?
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Old 04-07-2016, 07:05 PM
 
1,099 posts, read 664,541 times
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Shy of the comment that questioned by wife and sister-in-laws judgement, I think these posts are all valid (and I appreciate them).

But I would like to throw a different perspective out which might be a little different than the norm....

Personally, I can't wait until driver-less cars are here. I'm sure there are some people that really enjoy driving, especially if you have a convertible, with the top down on a nice day. But for me, driving has always been a chore. With all the nuts on the road and the stress that goes with driving in traffic, I'd just assume stop driving myself and let my car deal with it while I have a cup of coffee and read the paper. We also have Uber and Lyft, both of which tend to be quite inexpensive provided you're not riding during "surge" pricing. My last couple of trips to Vegas, I took Lyft and paid about $10 for a ride that normally cost me $25 in a cab. With that said, my father-in-law has enough total worth to have a limo shuttle him around for the rest of his life. Most of the people at my wife's workplace take Uber or Lyft every day and don't even own a car.

I'm curious if this changes anyone's mind who feel that all independence is being taken away?

Last edited by bodyforlife99; 04-07-2016 at 07:15 PM..
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Old 04-08-2016, 06:16 AM
 
6,256 posts, read 4,734,369 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bodyforlife99 View Post
Shy of the comment that questioned by wife and sister-in-laws judgement, I think these posts are all valid (and I appreciate them).

.....
Lots of people like it when someone validates their opinions. Many people ask but really don't want to hear anything that is different than their opinions.


If you are waiting for a self driving car, plan on a long wait. First thing that is needed is a reliable GPS. How is that working for you? I periodically cannot get mine to connect or I drive near a hill or on a tree lined road and it stops working. Periodically the gps gets confused and thinks I am driving on an adjacent road.


Google wants to be considered state of art, innovative. Their driverless cars all have a human driver on board. If the driver does not take over fast enough, there can be an accident as recently occurred.
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Old 04-08-2016, 07:12 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,702,776 times
Reputation: 41127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Southern man View Post
I'm approaching 79 and and with the substitution of Car for Guns and Steering Wheel for Barrel, I like his statement.

That's unfair to the rest of the innocent lives that are in danger because an elderly person is in denial about their ability to drive.
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